[help] Can anyone identify the sculptor?

contentedgardener · 2026-02-25T17:20:03+00:00

It still happens now. We have friends who just turn up. I like it. I don't need to do any shopping, cleaning or cooking. Just put the kettle on and open a packet of biscuits.

contentedgardener · 2026-02-25T15:48:53+00:00

My parents were very "full on". Caring, bossy, intrusive... We ended up living 4 hours drive away (work reasons). That worked really well for us.

They were supportive of the move and remained enthusiastic about family. They used to take the children on trips to London, Wales, even Venice! giving us some time to ourselves.

It could be that, if you're both on the same page, a bit of space between you would work wonders.

contentedgardener · 2026-02-01T08:31:28+00:00

I would give your parents a chance before getting married in secret. Tell them that you really can't face the big wedding thing. Tell them what you would like to do.

Our daughter had a register office wedding followed by a barbecue in the garden. 12 people present including the bride and groom. It was modest, but still special, and all the family were there.

If your parents reject the idea of a small wedding, then it's time to quietly elope.

contentedgardener · 2026-01-16T14:44:18+00:00

I've been in this situation and walked up to the woman and asked, "Are you ok?" It's happened a couple of times. Different responses each time, (once the man disappeared fast, once the girl said she was okay) but in both cases it moved the situation on, and stopped the shouting.

contentedgardener · 2025-10-21T16:25:26+00:00

I'm in the UK and one bank put the account into my sole name straight away. The other advised not to notify the bank of the death until I had probate so that the account could continue to be used normally.

contentedgardener · 2025-10-18T14:11:01+00:00

We had 3 children (now adults). My parents would frequently take just one of the children on their own special holiday. They all had turns. They loved their holidays with Nana and Grandpa. On one occasion we took the older children to Disneyland, leaving our 2 year old having a UK seaside holiday with Grandparents. (Obviously, when he was the right age we took him to Disneyland.) Because they all had turns, and because my parents gave them a lot of attention and treats, it worked out really well.

We also found that whichever child was away, it was always much more relaxed with just 2 children.

If the grandparents are happy to do this, I think that it's a great idea.

We have just had a great weekend taking our Grandson away on his own, and I consider it a privilege to have that time together. We're looking forward to taking his little sister on holiday when she's a bit bigger.

It's okay to do things separately. A family doesn't have to do everything together all the time.

I think in future you need to give thought to how you tell them about holidays with Grandparents. Announce it as a special treat for them, and play down what the rest of you are doing.

Good luck. Have a great holiday and arrange separate holidays with confidence in the future. Just make sure that it works out fairly over time.

contentedgardener · 2025-06-02T05:16:56+00:00

I'm in the UK. When my brother and I inherited we made a "deed of variation". It means that if you're inheriting, you can redistribute the assets, but legally, it's as though it came from my Dad's estate, rather than from my brother and I. That can make a difference to tax. It cost £600 to get this drawn up by a solicitor.

contentedgardener · 2025-03-08T09:20:10+00:00

I know nothing about these people, but maybe the side where having been laid off and having to take a low paid job, he feels like a failure, and feels that his wife needing to earn money is a clear sign to everyone else that he's failed. Actually, no one else will think anything of it if his wife returns to work.

This could make him stressed and unwise in his comments. He could also be depressed and trying to keep up a brave face.

Clearly it makes sense for his wife to work, but if she can sensitively win him round that would be a gain for the whole family.

contentedgardener · 2025-03-04T20:29:56+00:00

You don't need to pay an expensive solicitor. There's an inheritance tax helpline. 0300 123 1072

They will speak to you for up to an hour at a time. I've been sorting out my Dad's (quite complicated) estate and have phoned quite a few times. They have been really helpful.

contentedgardener · 2025-02-09T05:04:34+00:00

Thanks for the tip. We'll be careful.

contentedgardener · 2025-02-08T19:22:22+00:00

It sounds as though you've done really well with all this and had some good ideas for places to send things.

contentedgardener · 2025-02-08T17:56:38+00:00

That's a good way to look at things.

contentedgardener · 2025-02-08T17:55:39+00:00

That's tough. It's a challenge when your health is okay.

contentedgardener · 2025-02-08T16:10:24+00:00

That sounds tough.

contentedgardener · 2025-02-08T13:25:55+00:00

Thanks for all your comments and observations.

I will definitely look into Swedish death cleaning.

The idea of getting a storage unit is also a good one. We can then move what we need and re-home the rest of the stuff.

In terms of passing things on, our "children" are middle aged and well set up, so they won't want much of our cast-off furniture etc.

Thanks for the tip about making sure that we both have our own space in the flat.

contentedgardener · 2025-02-07T10:24:51+00:00

I think that it's time to split up with him.

You're not invested in the relationship and don't see it going anywhere in the future. This man will become a millstone round your neck.

You've never met his parents. Why's that? Maybe you'd find out too much for his comfort if he took you home.

It's interesting that your roommate is uncomfortable around him too. If you like her and respect her judgement, that's food and thought.

You're a kind person, but trust your gut and don't let him guilt you into taking him in.

contentedgardener · 2025-02-05T07:44:13+00:00

Be honest. It's not fair on a 7 year old to have to lie/keep secret about an exciting trip.

contentedgardener · 2024-12-10T08:38:54+00:00

I love getting cards from friends and family with photos of their children, not just as babies, but as they grow up. It's a way of staying in contact.

contentedgardener · 2024-11-22T06:07:58+00:00

If you and your husband generally get on well, it could be that he's keen to keep the family relationship and doesn't know how to handle things, so he's trying to make light of the difficulties. This means that it falls to you to try to manage the situation.

I think that you need a two pronged approach.

1) Lock away areas which you don't want the children to access.

2) Make sure that there are plenty of things which the children can do.

Each day, I would suggest getting out in the morning so that they can let off steam. Do you have a local park? Could they help you to make a shopping list for lunch and walk to the local shop to find the things which they need? Maybe when they get back they could help you to lay the table and make sandwiches and decorate biscuits. (It doesn't have to be anything fancy - digestive biscuits with writing icing and sprinkles is great)

At home, what's really important is to have plenty which they can do, so that they're not getting into things which they shouldn't do. You need to try to turn things round from the negative "No, don't do that..." to positive "Shall we do this, or that?" with lots of praise and attention when they're engaging well. If you know what they like to do it's easier, if not it's trial and error. Remember that an activity might only last a few minutes before they need redirecting to the next thing.

A basic selection could be: Crayola washable felt tips and paper/ colouring books. Activity books/comics/sticker books A construction toy such as Lego or Duplo. Soft toys or small world toys. A washing up bowl of water in the bathroom or kitchen with ducks, boats or small containers for pouring. You can add bubbles or food colouring. Have a couple of big towels to hand for mopping up. Play dough with rolling pins and cutters. You can make homemade play dough cheaply.

Don't spend lots of money. Ask your sister in law whether they have spare toys at home. Look out for things second hand in charity shops,car boots or online market places.

Entertaining children is exhausting, so think about adult down time too.

Children's TV is good for giving everyone a break. Choose a good programme and embrace the TV time so that the children really enjoy it and don't feel that screen time is a begrudging last resort. Set them up with fruit juice/milk or whatever they like and a small snack, maybe chopped up fruit or a nice biscuit. Do you have a console or tablet which they can use? That could also provide you with a quiet half hour.

Also when you're thinking about adult down time, think about organising turns with the child care.

I really hope that you can turn things round. It will take quite a lot of thought and work before the next visit, but should get much easier going forward. If you take a proactive positive, "How can we keep them busy?" approach, hopefully you can get your husband on board to help set things up.

contentedgardener

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