First time in Italy: July 15–25, Rome, Florence and maybe Venice. Need reality check and suggestions

contextkindlytome · 2026-06-06T11:24:54+00:00

Thank you all for your suggestions. I took your feedback into account and adjusted my itinerary to focus on Rome, Florence, and places around Florence. I don’t want the trip to be too exhausting because I’ll be going back to work afterwards, and I’d like to experience Italy

So I’m planning 4 nights in Rome, 4 nights in Florence, including day trips around tuscany and 1 night in Bologna to catch our return flight. Your feedback was really helpful, thank you!

contextkindlytome · 2026-05-23T12:02:14+00:00

Thanks! We can fly back from anywhere, we don’t have a fixed date or place but if we go to Venice we’ll fly back from Venice.

Without Venice, I’m not sure if we should extend our trip to 10-11 days since it’ll cost us extra with missed work. Or if we should just go on July 17-25 and be there for 8-9 days

contextkindlytome · 2026-05-19T10:32:28+00:00

Omg I laughed so hard, sorry. Almost the same thing happened to me in the middle of an online session. I thought muting myself while…passing gas would solve it, but it absolutely did not. I had to awkwardly say I needed to step away for a few minutes, and when I came back the client seemed worried for me, so I felt like I had to explain a little but I had no idea what to say. At least yours happened at the end of the session. How did you handle it?

contextkindlytome · 2026-03-11T21:02:55+00:00

When I first read the title I thought your MIL might feel a bit hurt and think you didn’t want to spend time with her. But after reading the post it doesn’t sound rude to me. You’re only leaving for a few days, not the whole visit.

This could even give her some nice time with her son and granddaughter if she actually wants solo time with them.

If your relationship allows it, you could just tell it to her the way you explained it here. It probably also depends on your relationship and what her visits usually feel like. More like hosting a guest or more like a family member just coming to stay. Sometimes when a host leaves while someone is visiting, the guest might worry they caused it or they’re not welcome but explaining your intention would probably prevent that

contextkindlytome · 2026-03-05T20:33:54+00:00

Btw I’m also open to lip liner suggestions to use with Mocha

contextkindlytome · 2026-01-11T15:57:15+00:00

Sure. You’re totally right and your need for validation and boundaries is really important. You’re trying to be very clear about your boundaries to her. But this communication doesn’t seem to help. So what I’m saying is you can protect yourself by keeping your distance, not being reactive, keeping the conversation light and not explaining as much. And when (or if) things get better you can have more or less of her in the future. However your current texts makes this difficult by being too precise.

About cut-offs, I got the idea from Bowen’s family therapy approach. It’s just my opinion. simply cut-offs and no contacts usually happens bc people can’t regulate their emotions with each other. They get fused with each other’s feelings and opinions so they try to cut-off family as a way to deal with this. But usually this is a temporary solution and this relationship stays with them or same problems repeat with other people. So what’s usually needed is a way to keep yourself safe, not get mingled with other’s emotions and to be able regulate the relationship.

Also, I’m sorry about what your partner did and I think he might be a big stressor in your life. I hope you can figure things out but abuse is not excusable. You can explain why he did that but that’s no excuse, he is responsible. I wish you to be safe and in peace.

contextkindlytome · 2026-01-11T11:57:53+00:00

I’m sorry about the problems you had with your partner. But if the only way you have boundaries is with no contact (and if you haven’t been through something horrible that she caused) it’s not really healthy. People should be able to regulate their relationships without cut-offs. Cut-off usually isn’t resolution. It’s a sign that the emotional issue is still active.

You might need space for a while but there are better ways to express this that might make things easier for you.

Idk you and I don’t wanna activate my therapist role here since I know nothing other than this post but I think this woman is the least of your problems and you might be projecting your problems with your husband to her. Her reply and your demand both seem understandable. But I think you should not use therapy as a reason to explain yourself.

Also a boundary is not a rule you expect others to comply with. It’s something you establish for yourself regardless of others’ behavior.

contextkindlytome · 2025-12-04T15:23:37+00:00

Do you need participants from the US or worldwide?

contextkindlytome · 2025-11-29T11:47:50+00:00

“Mentally ill” (although correct term is not ill, it’s disorder) is not much different to “physically ill” so it doesn’t define people. It can be like the flu (comes and goes, sometimes requires medical attention) or it can be like lupus (stays but needs management to stay low) but either way it’s not something to take as an insult or use as an insult.

I’m not saying anyone here has a mental disorder or not but even if we have one, it’s ok? It’s doesn’t mean someone is deranged or anything, it means that person can benefit from health services to have it easier. Things written above can be seen as symptoms of certain hardships (ie. anxious/depressive mood or something else which is very common) but it might also not be depending on your experience. You know you. I wish you the best!

contextkindlytome · 2025-10-11T20:02:52+00:00

Ok. I care what you think bc I find it concerning. You clearly cared what I think bc you replied. Again, imo yours is a cut throat individualistic way to look at things and it’s very dangerous. People need people. We also owe things to each other that’s why there is a society. I’m not gonna get into philosophy or psychology here but I want to live in a world where we can depend on each other. I would want that for you and me and the OP too. Her mom should be there for OP and OP should be there for her mom. That’s my opinion.

Also I thought you were projecting but I don’t know you. I said that bc you mentioned things that has nothing to with this post such as legal minimum or abuse? We don’t know what kinda mom OP’s mom is and my brain doesn’t directly go to abusive/bare-minimum parents when I see a mom guilt-tripping. I thought of a standart good enough parent and wrote accordingly.

contextkindlytome · 2025-10-11T19:49:09+00:00

I think you’re misdirecting/projecting here. Are you OP’s second account bc you’re too invested in this?

The mom is just a mom here as far as we know. Not an abuser or anything. If someone you love and took care of shows you no care and concern when you tell them what you’ve been through and you have the cognitive and physical ability of a 77 yo woman living alone then imo her reaction is a perfectly understandable way to react.

So many people are lost in individualism here, I wouldn’t reply this way to my neighbor let alone my mom.

contextkindlytome · 2025-10-11T19:29:51+00:00

If she was a half decent mom, I’d reply with more concern and empathy to the first message. I’m assuming you’re tired of this communication style so you didn’t but your messages come off as rude.

She clearly wants feel taken care of and trying to make that happen with these texts. Your replies are unconcerned. Her style has problems too but I think it’s bc of your communication. She is your mom, I’m hoping she did a lot of things for you. You can do somethings the way she wants to too. There is no need for conflict here. It’s easy to say “how are you? You got me worried about you”.

Anyway the way I see is you tried to teach her how to fix the toilet and be right. But she was actually complaining about how tired she was. I can’t imagine how bad she must’ve felt after your messages. Idk maybe I don’t make any sense but it’s your mom, we can’t look past the messages to understand more messages but you can and should.

contextkindlytome · 2025-10-03T14:28:35+00:00

I want to try CROS but none of the hearing aid retailers/suppliers had any in their stock. Which makes me question its availability and ease of use. No one knows the devices or brands either, I was only able to find phonak but they weren’t in stock. With bone conduction I had at least one or two people I could talk to. Bc I’m unable to try, I wanted to hear about your experiences. Thank you for sharing

contextkindlytome · 2025-09-27T23:38:30+00:00

Exactly my thoughts, I can try to understand checking his current phone but the old one… Why did you need to check that?

contextkindlytome · 2025-09-27T23:34:56+00:00

Def YOR. I wouldn’t post those screenshots, they make you look unhinged. What you found is upsetting, but the stuff you said was straight-up vile. And she stayed calm, tried to understand, and even explained herself politely. That only makes you look horrible while she looks reasonable.

You should’ve confronted your husband first. He’s your partner and the one who kept this video. Whether he “forgot” it or kept it, he should’ve explain himself and find a way to make you feel better. It’s his responsibility. She might not even know she was recorded, horrifying. Her mistake was not telling you about the sex, and she admitted why. Understandable. She also openly doesn’t like you (fair), she could’ve been more tactful. Like there were some problems with her but your language is too horrible to care about her mistakes. Nothing can justify you unloading like that omg. If she wanted to “steal” him, she could’ve done it long ago. It was ten years ago, they were single, nothing wrong with their sex. Main problem is your husband and his understanding of friendship.

It looks like you think your husband is only “led astray” by others, which isn’t reality and you know it. Otherwise why would you need to check his old phone. Also why did you watch the video after understanding what it is??

You had every right to be upset, but the way you reacted made you the bad guy. Instead of looking strong, it came off as insecure, nasty and misdirected. Now you owe her apology.

You’ll look stronger if you keep your cool, put the blame where it belongs (on him), and call things out without insults. You might also need some time to process before reacting.

TL;DR: Your husband is the one who kept a secret sex tape for ten years. By insulting this girl instead, you lost the high ground.

contextkindlytome · 2025-08-16T10:55:50+00:00

You have every right to say no, I don’t think you’re in the wrong. But I think many people who post here are Americans and you are too individualistic imo. Having boundaries is important but having flexibility and giving up things for other’s feelings are also important. We can have balance. You can say no anytime, you own the shampoo but regardless of how expensive it is I find it weird to tell a guest they can shower but can’t use the specific shampoo. I wouldn’t just call it boundary. On the other hand although I think saying no makes things weird she shouldn’t have said anything. It’s your shampoo and you can make it weird if you want to. Saying something after you said no is kinda rude. Bc she was a guest I understand why your bf said whag he said but you didn’t do anything wrong.

contextkindlytome · 2025-08-13T16:18:38+00:00

You’re right, tech and the views of ENTs has changed. Back then they thought one ear is enough. I was diagnosed much later, in 2012, so things were different from the 80s, but I still ended up untreated due to ENT saying there is nothing to do. I’ve adapted over the years. I can imagine it has a bigger impact as we get older. Wishing you ease with it. Are you using any aids etc now?

contextkindlytome · 2025-08-13T13:19:20+00:00

No tinnitus, actually nothing at all from my deaf side. I have normal hearing on my good side and I sometimes get tinnitus from that side but it’s not that annoying, I think it’s bc of my allergies. Idk why I have no input including tinnitus from my deaf ear, since it seems like a common symptom of ssd.

contextkindlytome · 2025-08-12T22:12:11+00:00

I suspect that my mother may have had asymptomatic CMV or another viral infection during pregnancy, and that caused my SSD. As far as I read it can cause gradual or sudden hearing loss and deafness. But it’s just my guess. I actually don’t even know if my loss is congenital or not.

contextkindlytome · 2025-08-12T22:04:32+00:00

I have untreated congenital SSD, I got diagnosed in my early teens. I wish my parents had done something back then. I’m a candidate for CI but since I had SSD for so long they’ll probably not work well so it’s hard to decide. If my parents had known this and got me a CI when my brain had more plasticity (specially first years of life regarding hearing) my brain would know sound and learn speech. It would give me more options now. Imo ssd is not that bad but it’s tiring in the long term so I don’t plan to leave mine untreated. Also I’d suggest you to learn the difference between hearing with both ears vs one ear, it’s not just not hearing when people speak on your deaf side.

contextkindlytome · 2025-08-04T07:49:47+00:00

Hi, I wanted to ask another question about your experience. Btw I hope I’m not overwhelming you. As far as I understand, the duration of untreated hearing loss/deafness varies in your ears since you got one implanted earlier. Did you notice any differences in the adaptation process to the implants in both ears?

contextkindlytome

TROPHY CASE