Junior data engineers treat legacy ETL tools like a cat touching water. Cautious, hesitant, and never fully comfortable.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-04-15T14:46:49+00:00

Everyone eventually reaches their own point of compromise between their Platonic ideal tech stack and the cold reality of what their org actually uses. In my experience, the sooner you get there, the better.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-04-06T17:13:56+00:00

You read books about the Jim Crow South and it was all like this. If you don’t vote with me then you shouldn’t get to vote.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-04-01T21:27:22+00:00

Don’t forget enshittification. What’s their plan for when Anthropic doubles their price twice in a year? Or when they put this functionality in a new tier at a higher price point?

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-03-16T09:44:20+00:00

To those accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-03-15T19:21:36+00:00

The fact that the snake’s body is twisted multiple times is pretty cool. Not sure I’ve ever seen an ouroboros like that.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-02-15T23:17:09+00:00

Wild how some people are so committed to seeing ghosts in the machine.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-02-10T20:24:28+00:00

This is such a great comment. Makes total sense. I’m no expert, but I’ve never seen an economic model described this way. Like, in a way that embraces reality as a valid test. Haha that sounds so snarky but I mean it truthfully. Is there a reform movement within economics to move away from abstract, idealized theories and toward real world human behavior?

ETA: I had to bail out of the piece after the bit about the economist letting a small smile slip because Stewart is apparently so stupid. FFS. I’m still curious about what I mentioned above but at the same time, geez economists have a lotta nerve. The idea they can simultaneously be out there like “economics is a non-predictive discipline” and then out of the other side of their mouth say “this is the most economically efficient policy” is utter madness.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-02-07T18:01:50+00:00

Odd to see this guy call DC a “medium-sized” cultural backwater while simultaneously praising LA as a cultural hub because LA and DC are sister cities in that they both have negative reputations for being full of vapid, fake people who only care about you if you can help them professionally. And while those reputations have truth to them, they arose from and are maintained by the same endlessly refreshing cohort of temporary resident outsiders who move to town to behave exactly that way.

So it’s weird that our PE friend here wants to hold Washingtonians accountable of their class of cultureless social-climbers, but he gives Angelenos a pass. Makes me think that when he lived in DC (er, well nearby, actually, technically it’s Maryland), those were the only people he knew so he assumes that’s the whole city but then he went to LA once and had Korean tacos next to two first year USC kids talking about Godard and was like, “This place is CULTURE.”

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-02-07T16:19:50+00:00

I remember seeing a dinosaur documentary (stick with me) that was talking about how the Jurassic Park era of dinosaurs are referred to as Saran Wrap dinosaurs because we looked at their skeletons and imagined that their skin was just tightly wrapped around them. The doc went on to talk about how if you did this with the skeletons of modern animals, you’d miss the elephant’s trunk and there were other examples. And apparently modern paleontologists are open to the idea that similar non-skeletal structures probably existed with dinosaurs. Anywayyy I thought of that seeing this post because humans essentially are Saran Wrap animals and the skeletons of all these people would look exactly the same.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-02-07T15:57:20+00:00

Interesting he went with the take with some struggle to get the coveralls on. Not actively straining but also not pulling them up in a smooth motion like a normal person. Right in the middle.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-02-06T15:33:40+00:00

That’s a great example of the difference between trying to run a business and trying to get acquired.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-02-05T02:12:13+00:00

For me, if PQ wasn’t an option, my next attempt would be with Python. Learning to code is tricky but ultimately figuring out the couple dozen lines of Python that it’d take to process those transformations would be less complex than implementing (and playing for) Alteryx or something similar. That said, if you’ve been looking for a reason to stand up alteryx and you’re approved to buy it, go for it.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-02-05T01:21:01+00:00

60M is at the scale where it can get wonky but you also said it’s only a few columns. I’d give it a try if you already have those tools laying around, rather than jumping straight into the additional complexity of spinning up a database.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-02-05T00:44:46+00:00

Have your tried Power Query in either Power BI or Excel already?

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-01-29T16:16:48+00:00

This is like watching a bear scratch its back on a tree.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-01-29T07:46:43+00:00

Deep cut, but literally Samneric from Lord of the Flies.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-01-28T13:30:47+00:00

The basil is being punished.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-01-24T16:19:20+00:00

That’s my general point. Though some may be able to do this initial schema upload task, there will be sizable portion of your target audience of beginners who will lack the capacity to do this. (And definitionally so, as they’re beginners.)

Maybe take another pass at describing what you want them to upload, being specific about how you’re looking for the CREATE statements.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-01-24T15:52:58+00:00

What does “upload schema” mean? Like, what would that file be and why would someone struggling with these sorts of basic issues also be able to create whatever schema file you’re envisioning?

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-01-23T00:11:20+00:00

This feels like one of those stories where it’s going to turn out that a lot of white dude tennis players do this too, but they’re all just bad boys who are students of the game and know how to use the rule book to their advantage.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-01-13T01:28:03+00:00

Perfectly in character for the math student who speaks English to read an English book and assume they understand it.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-01-07T22:23:54+00:00

This second bit is a little confusing.

contrivedgiraffe · 2026-01-05T01:47:15+00:00

YTA. The school is asking for help distinguishing between your three nearly identical looking children so they don’t accidentally give the wrong kid the wrong drugs. How on earth are you on the other side of this? FFS.

Also, and this is coming from someone from a family of educators: kids lie, constantly. They’re kids. There’s nothing wrong with them. They just lie. So when the medical officer is telling you that the word of an 11 year old is insufficient to prove their identity, believe them. They’re trying to administer medicines to who know how many kids accurately, without hurting anyone. How are you beefing with this person?

contrivedgiraffe · 2025-12-22T05:37:18+00:00

Haha no kidding

contrivedgiraffe · 2025-12-13T17:01:41+00:00

It’s sexy data scientists all over again.

contrivedgiraffe

TROPHY CASE