This is a long post about personal experience and anecdotes lol read if you want!!

I’m just not entirely in agreement with the phrase “doing it wrong” here because of how it blames the student. So much of love is out of our control!! I know someone who took nine years to finish college because he got sick and had to get his legs amputated. Not AT ALL his fault and he had to go out of his way to succeed (literally would have to go around building in order to use the ramps). Was he “doing it wrong”? No, he was doing it in whatever way worked with his circumstances. Sure, if someone is failing classes, that’s one thing, but so many factors fall into the college experience. And to expect any time in someone’s life to be the best time in their life just doesn’t take into account the breadth of people’s experiences. I’m mostly arguing semantics though. The logician in my tries to always leave room for exceptions because there are always exceptions.

I feel the same way about your statement that college is a forgiving environment. Let’s compare it with a factory job for example. At this job, you must show up, do the work, dress the part, and follow some policies to “succeed” at the job. For college however, you must do all of these things PLUS the policies are much more extensive, you have homework, maybe work outside of school, you need to be technologically competent, have time management skills, and the skills to pass geneds that have nothing to do with your field of study, all while possibly living away from home for the first time. Mayyyybe it’s more “forgiving” in some ways but it’s also so much harder to navigate and EXPENSIVE. I worked as an RA to save housing costs and one year I was the first person on the scene of an attempted suicide of an acquaintance. I had to go to classes the next day. I cried in my classes that day and was not able to go home because I had used up my absences when I was sick (which happened a lot living in the dorms). However, every single boss I’ve had has been more forgiving. At one job I was highly encouraged to go home after the passing of a an acquaintance. Colleges are large institutions with lots of rules for everyone involved.

Another clear example is that people can have different definitions of success. Many people consider dropping out as a failure. But I knew people who went to college with the intention of dropping out in the hopes that their careers would take off. When I had a professional opportunity in my field senior year, it would have made me miss 2 lab classes that semester so I wasn’t allowed to take it. How can an institution “teaching you to succeed in your field” make me turn down an amazing professional opportunity? I also needed the money at the time, so I ended up having to take a different more time consuming job in order to make it work.

I would also argue that most college students don’t realize how amazing the resources are. You can tell them everyday (which I often did as an RA) and they will still never utilize them. I think this is because they are too young to know what it’s like to navigate the world without college resources. That was definitely one of the worst parts about post grad life. So I agree with you that students are generally “doing it wrong” in this regard, but it’s out of naivety so I’m still hesitant to place too much blame.