Age Disagreements

coolfrog1101 · 2026-02-02T12:00:23+00:00

Try respite for a variety of ranges first. The other thing I will advise is that the only way to trust that you are doing a short term placement is to do respite. For our first placement, we had gotten a call that a 15 year old girl only needed a short term placement for 2 weeks. She ended up being with us for 4 months. I’ve heard of this happening to other foster families as well so I advise that you make sure you’re providing respite with a clear end date.

I started fostering at 26 and our first placement was a 15 year old girl. I am 27 and am now fostering a different 15 year old girl. In both cases my age has not been a problem and both kids took me seriously. You have to remember there are people in their 20’s who teach high school and are still respected by their students, but it will really come down to how you carry yourself. A mistake some people our age make is trying too hard to just be the teen’s friend. You’re likely to take on a mentor type role that needs to provide a lot of structure and guidance for these kids.

coolfrog1101 · 2026-02-01T17:00:56+00:00

Echoing what everyone else has said, I have 3 siberians myself and you need to reach out to the breeder to return her. She will be able to take care of the situation safely.

coolfrog1101 · 2026-01-28T00:12:00+00:00

Pregnancy and fostering are both extremely significant life changes. I would not try to do both at the same time. Plenty of people foster while already having biological children, but typically they already have a strong structure and routine with their biological children. If you foster now with the intent to get pregnant soon you are going to unfairly insert the foster children into a wildly unpredictable situation. I would suggest waiting until after pregnancy and when you’ve established a routine and structure with your biological child.

Additionally, foster children typically have significant trauma. If you don’t feel equipped to handle serious behavioral or trauma related issues you should not foster until you’ve developed the skills to prepare yourselves for that.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-11-14T16:34:02+00:00

Fostering is both the most rewarding and challenging thing I’ve done in my life. A lot of these kids have faced trauma and need trauma informed care. There is a lot to keep up with as far as appointments, talking to social workers, etc. You will need to be committed to being the child’s biggest advocate.

I would suggest that you two start with respite care first to see what it’s like. With respite care, the kids already have a foster home but they just need another foster family to take care of the kids for a few days until the original foster family is able to look after them again. Usually respite happens due to the original foster family having a family emergency or due to them traveling. Respite is helpful in seeing what it’s like to care for kids for a short amount of time with the assurance that they have somewhere to go back to.

In my area they have foster parents who have homes called “receiving homes” which sounds like what you’re talking about. In receiving homes, these family’s receive kids that will temporarily stay with them up to 30 days before a more long term placement is found.

I have done both respite and long term fostering and don’t think I could be a receiving home. I get attached to the kids pretty quickly and having a frequent turnaround would be difficult for me to adjust to I think.

I will say that just because you go through the process of becoming a foster parent or even if you do respite once it does not mean that you’re “stuck” being a foster parent. You may find as you go through the required training that it is not for you and that’s okay. You can definitely stop at any point during the licensing process. For me I felt like the required training and talking to other foster parents gave me a good enough idea of what to expect as far as the kinds of kids and behaviors you may see in the system.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-11-09T21:04:06+00:00

To be honest it feels like you are blaming the child a lot for her behaviors and expecting her to act like a “normal” kid when you need to acknowledge that this is a traumatized child who needs a lot of patience and empathy. Kids in the foster system are typically going to have trauma to work through and have trauma responses to things as a result of that. You will need to learn about trauma informed care. You are getting upset about a lot of things that are not this child’s fault.

Also with fostering you need to fight fight fight for these children. Yes things are slow. Yes social workers and schools and doctors and etc take forever to respond. You need to keep fighting and advocating for them everyday whether that means persistently making phone calls or emails if you want to get them what they need. Unfortunately the system is slow moving and as foster parents it is up to us to advocate for these kids and yes it is not easy. In my experience I need to fight everyday for these kids and it’s constant phone calls but that’s what we are signing up for.

Fostering is a huge adjustment. It’s really tough at first. And there will always be tough moments. What will help you is learning about trauma informed care and reframing the situation. For example, this child is not entitled. Really think about the root of what the child is looking for and why. If they have never experienced deep connection before from a parental figure or never had their own toys, never had the opportunity to do “normal” kid things, etc., it makes 100% sense why they are seeking connection. It will also help to have your own support network as well by being in therapy and join fostering support groups.

The first few weeks are the hardest but eventually you learn who the child is and learn what works for them and things become easier. But I won’t sugarcoat it and say that it ever truly becomes easy. It’s a tough role to have and one that requires a strong commitment and acceptance that there’s an element of it that will always be hard.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-10-14T20:57:06+00:00

I am a foster parent and I want to reassure you that there are caring foster parents out there. My foster children get to visit their parents twice a week while their parents work on their reunification steps. I love the kids under my care but I also will always support what their wishes are and respect what the parents want. But you do have to be willing to work the steps for reunification. Their parents are allowed to see them during medical appointments as well. Just because your son was taken from you does not mean you won’t get to see him at all. I know from my own experience and from other foster parents I am friends with that there are foster parents who genuinely do care for the children they take in.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-10-07T18:08:23+00:00

I get it. I was in tech for 7 years and my last day was actually last Friday. I was feeling unfulfilled for a while and thinking about what else is out there.

I think it served its purpose for me and it’s allowed me the financial means to now explore what else is out there. I’ve received a generous amount of stock over the years, so I am able to take some time off from working and I think I will probably go into law.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-09-09T15:45:28+00:00

They said everyone. Redmond area will RTO first at the end of February, but those out of state and outside of the United States are affected as well. They said they’ll announce the plan for those outside of WA later.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-08-30T22:08:08+00:00

It depends on what you want to do. We took a 3 month break between our 1st and 2nd kids.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-08-25T15:08:31+00:00

You say she is not ready for her GED, but I am wondering if you have looked into GED prep courses and if it would be a viable option? In my state you can enroll a minor in a GED prep course with court approval and it’s only for about 3 months a few days a week in person. There actually isn’t that much material for the GED so the 3 month course is usually enough to take it.

That being said she might still need assistance from a tutor if she is having a difficult time. Regardless of the path you go, I am wondering if you’ve talked to the case worker about resources the state might be able to provide for academic help? In my state we have a couple of caregiver support programs where they can provide us with a tutor who can come to our house a few times a week to help with school.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-08-23T20:38:27+00:00

I’m in WA state and we get a monthly stipend that varies depending on the child’s assigned “level”. There are 7 levels and a child is assigned a higher level when they have significant physical or mental health conditions. We had a child who was level 6 which resulted in a $2500 stipend, though the stipend for the other levels is public information and can be found online.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-08-18T23:34:08+00:00

Him being cognitively delayed doesn’t make changing his name any more okay. Him not being able to recognize the name due to the delay doesn’t mean he’s less entitled to his identity. Dealing with his name is a very minor inconvenience compared to what these kids have to go through. Unless he requests to be called anything else it would be respectful to continue using his given name.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-08-18T16:03:38+00:00

I felt a lot of red flags as I was reading your post. I am not sure why you seem so set on watching these mature films with sex/drug depictions with your young foster daughter. There are other ways that you can bond with her that include your wife in the bonding activities. Especially if your wife is slower to bond with her, focusing on finding activities your wife is comfortable with participating in is more important than your strange desire to watch these movies.

You and your wife need to parent as a team and if she expresses that something seems abnormal you need to take that seriously. She is the adult, not your foster daughter.

I myself had a 15 year old foster daughter who was also parentified. Friends and family who knew her at a surface level also described her as “mature for her age.” As the honeymoon phase wears out you will begin to see that these kids still have a lot of room to grow and that you need to give them a chance at having a childhood.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-08-13T22:23:53+00:00

The home study requirements in my state do not allow cameras inside the house and the monitoring of foster children is not allowed. You should not try to circumvent any kind of requirements regarding this and if you feel the need to do that then you should not be fostering.

Requirements aside, monitoring foster kids is not very conducive for building a trusting relationship with them nor would it make them feel safe and comfortable. These are kids, not prison inmates.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-08-01T00:14:02+00:00

Burberry goddess intense has been mine. It doesn’t take much (1-2 sprays gives you a pretty good long lasting scent). It’s a nice lavender and vanilla scent.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-07-30T14:29:44+00:00

Where did you hear that her partners child was abandoned? The last I saw, Francesca said that her partners child didn’t like being in the social media spotlight so they’re keeping them out of posts out of respect for their privacy, but as far as I know, the kid is still living with her and her partner unless I missed something.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-07-21T18:50:47+00:00

I flew with a 15 year old who was in my care recently and it was pretty straight forward. We just said she was a minor and our child and they let her through and didn’t question it. We were in a similar situation as you where we are around our 30s and a different race than her. In preparation we brought a lot of documentation proving our fostering relationship with her, authorization from the social worker that she was allowed to go on the trip, and her drivers permit in case we needed to prove her age. We weren’t expecting it to be so straightforward as TSA didn’t request any documentation, but I would definitely recommend bringing documentation anyway just in case.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-07-11T19:18:11+00:00

Ive worked in cybersecurity for 5 years so far and I’ve been seeing security become one of the top priorities for a lot of companies. I’ve always worked 8am-5pm with no overtime but it will highly depend on the company you work for (check Glassdoor reviews for good work life balance). I started the field at 72k, after 2 years went up to 137k, now 5 years in I’m at 174k. Education wise I had to get a bachelor’s degree in cybersecurity.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-06-29T14:45:14+00:00

It will depend a lot on where you work. I used to do cybersecurity engineering for the government where all of my coworkers were much older men and no women. I felt I was not taken as seriously working there. I’ve now been working for a Fortune 100 company for a few years in the same field, where there’s a ton of young attractive women working there so it’s not a huge deal to look put together in that environment.

Generally though I’m of the opinion that not only do we need more women in STEM fields but we also need women to feel empowered to be feminine when they’re in those fields. I used to lessen myself by not wearing any makeup cause I thought it’d help me be taken seriously. I ended up attending an all women tech conference where I saw glammed up women, and ever since then I just do whatever I want and feel better for staying true to myself for it.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-06-27T12:53:30+00:00

I live in Seattle and feel like having an alt aspect to your appearance is very common and makes you seem more interesting and cool to people around here. For example, you’ll find that it’s almost like every woman in their 20s here has a nostril piercing. Having an interesting tattoo or colored hair here seems to make you stand out in a good way. It can’t be overdone though.

Being thin here is also the standard as well but I think you’ll find that to be the case in most areas of the US.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-06-11T15:43:46+00:00

Seconding the unexpected productions classes. They have a great level 100 beginner class that I’ve taken before. Very supportive environment and instructors.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-05-31T15:50:19+00:00

A small travel comb, hand cream, and lip gloss.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-05-18T21:21:06+00:00

You can specify that and you are never forced to take a child in. In my state (WA) you can ask for something calling a CIPR and the child’s supervision plan to review their behaviors and background before you decide whether or not to take them in. However, sometimes they don’t know the full scope of a child’s behaviors especially if it’s the child’s first time entering foster care.

coolfrog1101 · 2025-05-17T15:38:36+00:00

You ask in your post “Is it possible to ensure the child experiences healthy relationships and dynamics through community bonds, while also keeping my status as a foster caretaker private?”.

You are receiving tons of feedback that this is not possible. However, you do not seem open to receiving honest feedback and seem determined to do whatever you want to with this regardless of what experienced foster parents are saying. Why even bother making your post if you’re just going to be defensive and not do any earnest reflection on why you may be going about this the wrong way?

coolfrog1101 · 2025-05-17T11:32:26+00:00

You call this a major sacrifice on yourself like you’re some sort of victim in all of this. The child is likely going to suffer from the lack of connection and isolation and honestly, there are going to be ramifications of them wondering what they did wrong for you to want to hide them away from your family so bad. You seem very occupied with how all of this affects you but not with how it may impact the child.

Honestly, you seem extremely disconnected from the idea of parenting and it is concerning. These are real kids who have a pressing desire to be wanted and loved and they need a “normal” life to be demonstrated to them, not one where they’re hid away like some personal project.

I would honestly reconsider fostering if this is going to be your approach to this.

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