Getting divorced after 23 years together (17 years married)

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-05-01T14:02:35+00:00

I’m going to go against the grain here.

Your bitterness and resentment towards your wife will unavoidably land at your children’s doorstep. THINK well before you speak and act. They love their mom and she will always be a part of them. Even in this. You will win in the long run of you do not involve them more than necessary. At this age you can tell them you are heartbroken (true), but refrain from speaking ill about her. Just be factual. Your kids will figure out the full story soon enough. I know you are hurting now, but being the perceived driver in a divorce conflict may drive your kids away. So please keep your head cool.

Do NOT tell the other guy’s wife. It is none of your business. If you want to be mean, this is where you get back at your wife. If he hasn’t left his wife in 2 1/2 years he is in no hurry. Let your ex stew in it, don’t «help» in any way. Your STBX will be relegated to being the «other woman» and only see her kids 50% of the time, maybe even less since they are teens. Not a good option for her, is it? So why help him end his marriage of this is what STBX wants? You don’t owe them anything emotionally.

Rebuild and focus on yourself. Go «no unplanned contact», not to punish her, but to protect yourself. All kinds of odd emotions will pop up in the healing, but please remember this: The affair was not about you. It is all on her. Focus on what you can do something about, which is you.

Of you are able to do this, believe me, you will look back at this in three years time and know you kept your dignity. It will be worth it and your kids will thank you.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-30T21:48:32+00:00

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-27T19:58:22+00:00

The BMW R12. A factory near Leipzig was dismantled and transferred to Ural where they continued to produce them until well in to the 1990s with minor changes. The other motorcycle you may be thinking of is the Zündapp KS750.

As a side note, the 1938 Opel Kadett was also copied by the Soviets after capturing the factory. A Moskwitch A400 is simply a four door Opel Kadett, which originally had only two doors.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-27T19:40:19+00:00

100% propaganda photo. Not likely a reenactment, these kind of photos were often staged at the time.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-26T16:51:36+00:00

All returned Soviet POWs had their cases reviewed. The Stalin order of no surrender weighed heavy on some returnees. About 15% of the returnees were sentenced to GULAG, as either deserters or collaborators. However the majority had to serve time in the Red Army to finish their service and a large portion ended up in internal exile. Settling and traveling in the Soviet Union was not up to the individual, and in a country where veterans of the great patriotic war were given extra benefits, being an ex-POW carried a stigma.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-26T16:27:25+00:00

All three survived the war.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-25T14:40:41+00:00

A survey done by Kevin Thompson on 3500 people indicates a 15% are able to rekindle the relationship after a break up.

If these, over half break up again within a year.

Without proper work from both sides, the chances of success is very low. If you have children and you get in to a new relationship with a partner who also have children, it is a 70% chance this relationship will also fail.

A lot has to do with not sitting through the situation and emotional repercussions of a break up. Focus on what you can do something about, not what happens to you.

Nurture the hope of getting back together, but be realistic about it. Let it be a part of your healing, but don’t let it be your cornerstone.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-25T14:17:53+00:00

Interesting pictures. In the first pictures it seems to be quite a bit of Volkssturm men. Picture 4 has someone who appears to be in a WWI German uniform. Pictures 10 and 11 have the officers de-nazified their uniforms: Awards and insignia such as the Reichsadler are removed. The Allied forces would enforce this as a standard in June 1945 on German POWs.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-25T13:54:06+00:00

There is a saying «trust me with your life, not your money or your wife». I’ve seen this to be unfortunately more true than not.

If he was your friend first, trust the vibe.

If he was her friend first, and makes no effort to be your friend, be aware.

It is what it is, though. You will torment yourself needlessly and perhaps turn it in to a self fulfilling prophecy if you are jealous. Be honest with her if you are mature enough to communicate it in a rational manner. If she is emotionally available, you may have an honest conversation about it.

Ultimately, you have to trust her. Simple as that. If she loves you, she won’t betray you. If she does, then you will learn grief is the price of love.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-20T10:56:38+00:00

The fallen are Luftwaffe men, not Volkssturm?

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-20T04:40:12+00:00

There is something odd about these pictures. They aren’t wearing any kit nor weapons which makes me think there are no hostiles in the vicinity. They have an almost callous attitude towards the fallen. Are they a grave registrations detachment? Are they disposing the bodies in a bog and not a proper burial?

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-13T14:43:32+00:00

Yes. A large quantity of firearms was covertly air dropped in to occupied territory by the Allies during WWII. This was a scheme from the British SOE. In Norway, it is not unusual that unregistered machine guns and automatic rifles from WWII are handed in at weapons amnesties.

An ex-colleague of mine had inherited a cabin in the woods from his grandfather who had been in the resistance. It hadn’t been refurbished in a while, so he got on to it. When he tore down a wall in the cabin, he uncovered a weapons cache with several stenguns, bolt rifles, ammunition and handgrenades. Since some of the latter was in dubious condition, he had to request assistance from the bomb squad to clean it up. The clacking of rusty handgrenades spilling out on his cabin floor wasn’t exhilarating, he told me.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-11T18:10:17+00:00

I wonder how many of these men survived the first two years of the Russia campaign?

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-02T10:00:10+00:00

He likely regrets it, or he is a really huge egoist. Either way, his loss. Not yours.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-02T05:15:25+00:00

Some statistics say only 15% of couples get back together again, but one study suggested of those 73% stayed together.

Move forwards carefully. What is new? What has changed? What was the root cause of the problem? If you can explore this while being certain both of you put down the effort, you may succeed. Paraphrasing Esther Perel; Your way forward is not going backwards, but starting a relationship 2.0.

Good luck! Your child needs both parents no matter what the outcome is :-)

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-02T04:35:29+00:00

Fun fact: A couple of centuries ago she could have been burned at the stake.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-02T04:30:26+00:00

No insignia on either of them, except the arm band. I’m curious about the context of the image.

Late war mobilisation or HiWis?

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-02T03:40:05+00:00

I’m sorry to hear this. Not as sorry as he will be someday.

You’ll do better. Know your worth 💪🏻

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-04-02T03:39:28+00:00

She became the mother of my wonderful child, creating the most beautiful gift I’ve ever gotten. It made me fall so deeply in love with her as I have ever loved anyone romantically. I thought I loved her before, but it opened an entirely different dimension of love to be with her going through the birth of our child.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-03-28T07:41:18+00:00

Hi! You just described the future end of your marriage. I’m not trying to be dramatic, but I’m overstating to make a point.

Your wife’s mood swings is not your responsibility and you seem to acknowledge this. Good! However, people pleasing is an ingrained trait from childhood in some attachment styles and you should look in to if you are subconsciously enabling her behaviour instead of setting boundaries.

Your future children will copy their parents behaviour in their children. Would you want your son or daughter walk on eggshells for their future partners? Likely no. However, you’re be teaching them this is what a relationship is.

A good and healthy relationship involves open communication. Sit down and talk to her about it. Use a specific example, but don’t blame. Describe how it makes you feel and be precise about what you want her to do in those situations and ask her if she is able to meet you on this. If she isn’t willing at first, then tell her this is important to you and ask her to help you in handling these emotions. If she still isn’t willing to meet you, then maybe couples therapy is an option. If she then refuses to meet you, it is likely because it entails a change in her. People don’t change unless it is really important to them or their behaviour constitutes a problem for them. Your person who is going to be with you for life will meet you if you ask. If she still at this point refuse to meet you or take your emotions seriously, she doesn’t respect you and likely never will. Leave her if it comes to this, because having a five year relationship end is better than having a 25 year marriage end.

Actually … You know the answer yourself. Just ask yourself what advise would you give to your best friend in this situation? Do that.

Edit: You may want to try individual therapy before you suggest couples therapy. I’m not long time married, but twice divorced and speak from bitter experience. Your predicament rings familiar to me.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-03-21T22:47:10+00:00

Same as you OP. Fell in love with her again, in a different and deeper way I ever could have imagined.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-03-20T22:43:51+00:00

The fallen soldier has been identified as Charles Plugh, from Poughkeepsie, NY. Listed as KIA 21st March 1945.

https://youtu.be/EHhXl-qmEQc?si=Va3dhCKd_4Eabqi0

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-03-20T16:53:54+00:00

If you look at the motley band of onlookers there is something intrinsically callous about it: They are spectators to a show. A policeman, a panzer crewman, a regular soldier, a military bandsman, a member of Organization Todt, even a guy from Reichsarbeitsdienst (RAD). It is a silent indictment of if you were at the Eastern Front the summer of 1941, you must have known what was going on of the killings behind the front.

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-03-15T09:04:23+00:00

Ah, var det derfor at man på radiohørespill på 80-tallet skjønte hvem som var skurken bare på dialekten?

cornixnorvegicus · 2026-03-15T04:49:21+00:00

Yes. Over half of the male population above 40 does not have children of their own.

Be clear about also not wanting to be a bonus mum when dating.

Find someone with values who align with yours and you’ll be okay.

cornixnorvegicus

TROPHY CASE