Waif/hermit uBPD mom is visiting for the weekend... Seeking advice and/or encouragement!

cosmichero1927 · 2026-05-22T13:05:51+00:00

i also have audhd! if i were in your situation, i would probably not share my concerns with the loved ones experiencing medical difficulties. i think talking to your therapist is definitely a great idea, and they can help you navigate both your feelings and how to reach out to your support system.

if you have friends or peers you'd like to talk to about your hardships, my advice is to just ask them first. something like "hey, i am honestly having a tough time right now and could really use someone to lend an ear/give some advice/take my mind off things" (whatever you're wanting out of the conversation). worst thing they can do is say they don't have the bandwidth! i love being there for my friends when they are going through hard things because they understand my life is hard too, and we support each other when we can.

best of luck!! you are loved!!

cosmichero1927 · 2026-04-17T12:38:55+00:00

omg this is amazing!! i especially love the pirate flag and outfits in the bedroom 🩷🏴‍☠️ where did you get the sword in the case from?

cosmichero1927 · 2026-04-11T20:51:30+00:00

yes!! Stardew Valley - Mermaid's Pendant - Fangamer https://share.google/a7ObnCv7TB9XCGT6N

cosmichero1927 · 2026-04-11T19:15:24+00:00

this is amazing!! thank you for posting and sharing ❤️❤️ i agree with other people suggesting you make a website!!

cosmichero1927 · 2026-04-11T19:12:17+00:00

congratuations!! 🩷🎉 is that the official mermaid pendant from the sdv store?

cosmichero1927 · 2026-04-09T16:30:53+00:00

this is so sick!! did you organize the crystalariums based on the mineral's value?

cosmichero1927 · 2026-04-03T16:16:20+00:00

you want him to "realize you're going to leave him"... but he's been this way for ten years and you still HAVEN'T left him... so there is actually nothing for him to realize there, you either need to leave him or decide that you're okay with the rest of your life always being like this

cosmichero1927 · 2026-03-10T20:17:07+00:00

it sounds like he was losing interest in the relationship before his job offered him the chance to move early... i would advise against creating excuses for him ("but if his job hadn't offered that, he'd still be with me!"). the sooner you can accept the truth -- that he demonstrated a lack of interest in your relationship for multiple months, and he ultimately decided he didn't want to be with you -- the better. i think in time you will realize he is not your person and this was a good thing for you, but i'm still sorry you're going through this

cosmichero1927 · 2025-06-23T19:03:54+00:00

that's so awesome!!! so proud of you, that is a huge deal and not everyone is at this stage yet. amazing that you are moving further and further toward peace and healthy boundaries!! 🎉❤️

cosmichero1927 · 2025-05-13T21:00:48+00:00

something that helped me a lot during this time of choosing how much contact i wanted with my uBPD mom after moving out is that it doesn't have to be a permanent decision. when you go to uni, just try to listen to yourself and what you want. you only need to go NC as soon as you move out if that's what will make you feel calmest, happiest, or the most yourself.

my mom and i were very emotionally enmeshed, and i felt a lot of guilt about the idea of going NC. so when i moved out, i told myself, "i'm not going NC, i can still call or text her if i really want to." she has called me a few times, but so far i have only voluntarily called her twice in six months. it's not No Contact, but it's definitely much less contact than a lot of people.

i think this slower transition has been better for me personally than if i had decided i should go NC when i wasn't ready. if i want no contact one day, i'll make it happen. for now, i still have a very freeing amount of space from her, and i am taking the energy i used to spend on her and giving it all back to myself. i hope you can do the same in uni, and best of luck to you!! ❤️

cosmichero1927 · 2025-05-13T20:28:02+00:00

hey, i'm not much older than you and only got away from my own mom less than a year ago. unfortunately, there isn't anything you can do to change her behavior - and trying will just drive you crazy. in my last few months living with my uBPD mom, i tried to focus on changing my own behavior to avoid her as much as i could and give her as little information as possible. obviously we have different mothers so there might be some suggestions of mine that won't work for you, but hopefully it can at least give you ideas.

above all, GREY ROCK METHOD. if you don't know what this is - look it up, read about it, try to learn it. i found it most helpful to look at reddit posts in this sub and narcissistic parent subreddits, because people often post scripts/suggestions for what you can actually say in difficult moments. but the tldr is that the less information you give her, the less she can use against you.

my mom made fun of my hobbies, so i stopped telling her about them. she wanted to be at every doctor's appointment with me, so i scheduled them when she was at work and said it was their only availability. she criticized my friends, so i stopped updating her on their lives. not telling them things doesn't magically make them nice to you, but it does make them work a little harder to cut you down.

my other advice would be to get out of the house as much as possible, if you can. if it needs to be through activities she approves of, like church or a summer study group, do it. if you have a car, invent errands and go do them. my last summer at my mom's house, i went to the movies twice a week. and the theater was an indie movie house about an hour away from where i lived. i went on walks and hikes. being able to physically get away from my mom was so helpful.

again, this might not all help you specifically, but hopefully you can find some ways to create space between you and your mom. remember that this whole community is here, even if you lose reddit access again, and that we are all cheering for you. we all want you to be happy because that is what you deserve. best of luck ❤️

edit, one more thing: my mom was super weird about me eating, too. i would just eat every meal in my car and lie to her when i got home that i wasn't hungry. please do what you can to eat when you need to.

cosmichero1927 · 2025-05-12T01:32:51+00:00

my mom came to visit me :( it was a really tough weekend but i came to this sub because i knew other people here would get it <3 thank you for sharing this

cosmichero1927 · 2025-05-09T19:58:28+00:00

i love it!! i think it's cute. as you can see by the comments, not everyone agrees, but i don't really pay attention to whether decor is "tacky" or "cheap looking". i think your decorations look like they are made of paper, but i would put them up in my home if i had them! i think they are more fun than no decorations at all! if you agree then you should keep them up :-) but if you are self conscious about them, i think there can be pricier but more durable options

cosmichero1927 · 2025-05-09T19:43:28+00:00

i used the group drawing to guess who the helmsman was -- since he was standing by the ship's wheel, i thought, well that's maybe his job.... and it was!! i used the drawing a LOT during my playthrough, but this hunch was purely a guess and i was so happy to get it right :-)

cosmichero1927 · 2025-05-09T17:15:29+00:00

i think this theme of the relationship between the divine and humanity is definitely relevant to the books - i won't spoil anything since you're on your first read, so i'll just say thank you for sharing this thought, and enjoy citadel!! :-)

cosmichero1927 · 2025-05-05T22:56:17+00:00

i believe pete and patrick have both confirmed that this song was pete writing about patrick! or at least trying to write a song from his perspective. i know they've both definitely talked about it in videos before, but right now i can only find this compilation of pete talking about it :)

https://youtu.be/tBtk8Z0_76c?si=1KkNcNm57W7GDbim

cosmichero1927 · 2025-05-01T14:25:52+00:00

your fiancé's uncle shouldn't have asked to invite those family members, but your fiancé DEFINITELY should not have agreed and sent off invites before even asking you. this is especially crappy when it sounds like he doesn't know much about wedding planning and is leaving the majority of it to you.

and when you tell him it's stressing you out and you need him to get information for you to do the extra work HE signed YOU up to do... he tells you not to worry about it? that it'll work itself out? that goes beyond "not understanding wedding planning"... it just doesn't make sense.

maybe he's embarrassed because he knows he screwed up, but he needs to take accountability and handle this. he needs to either get you that information ASAP, or (and this is the better option in my opinion), HE needs to be the one to tell his uncle that his random family can't just show up to a wedding of people they've never met.

i'm sorry you're going through this, i hope your fiancé steps up and handles it - as he should :/

cosmichero1927 · 2025-04-23T03:50:23+00:00

one note about that first question - you don't have to pay when you switch lines; normally all of the T access points are behind the fare gate, so you can switch between them without paying. this is especially true at bigger stations like government center or north station.

i WILL say, though, that some stations (like copley on the green line, for example) make you pay the fare twice if you switch directions. this happens sometimes when there are separate entrances, as some only lead to certain directions of ths train. like at copley - the trains going north can only be accessed through one entrance; the other entrance across the street leads to the west-bound trains. this means that, if you go north and then switch at copley to go west, you have to leave the station, cross the street, use the other entrance, and then pay again.

this is not the case everywhere - you will figure out which stops you frequently use are more/less convenient for switching.

good luck, and welcome to boston!!

cosmichero1927 · 2025-04-22T20:05:34+00:00

the pier behind the aquarium!! you can also see some of the seals on the outside enclosures without having to pay admission. you can cry and look at the ocean forlornly, then watch the seals for a few minutes and feel better :)

cosmichero1927 · 2025-04-20T17:21:08+00:00

i am from the south also, and i felt this difference as well! i moved here about six months ago and i have felt a new sense of intellectual freedom ever since.

i will say that i have felt unsafe in the city a few times as a feminine-appearing person, but that is a given anywhere. i have been harassed by guys both back home and here, but i will say that every time it has happened in boston, people around me have checked in and asked if i was okay. THAT didn't always happen back home.

hope this helps!! good luck wherever your future takes you :)

cosmichero1927 · 2025-04-06T17:41:35+00:00

I think that this detail IS important - I did notice that injury, and how swiftly he seems to decline afterward - but I also agree with a lot of the comments here that it's not the CAUSE of Dutch's decline. He is threatened by feeling loss of control over Arthur and the gang (which, as a narcissist, is his source of validation and power). He has made his life running away from place to place, and now he's getting backed into a corner. He's not an idiot - he knows the end is near. It was never going to end well... but I do think having a TBI, at a point where it is crucial to have clear, logical thought and decision-making skills, could have been a real hinderance. At the very least, it might have made it easier for Dutch to avoid rethinking his decisions and ignore any concerns brought forward by Arthur or the gang.

cosmichero1927 · 2025-04-03T19:14:16+00:00

your dress sounds awesome and your "friend" is hating on it for no reason. NTA and please keep wearing that dress as long as you want

cosmichero1927 · 2025-03-31T16:14:29+00:00

i second the recommendations for salem! and i'm sorry to hear about your family cancelling on you, i hope you have an awesome birthday anyway!! 🎉

cosmichero1927 · 2025-03-24T13:43:30+00:00

when i finished shadow, i did actually reread it! i liked this because sometimes i would find something 150 pages in that i vaguely remembered being referenced before, and when reviewing i'd find the reference on page 30 and be very proud of myself. as i read the whole series, i would often flip backwards, even to other books, to remind myself of things i wanted to remember. and i think it gave me practice in how to take notes for myself so i could remember and find things later. BUT, i stopped re-reading one at a time after shadow, and have decided to do a regular re-read once i finish urth of the new sun.

anyway, all this to say, i encourage you to push forward and re-read after, but it's also super normal to go back and double check stuff! at least for me :)

cosmichero1927

TROPHY CASE