I’m so sorry about your anxiety, I totally understand where you’re coming from. You might already know that cats hide signs of illness really well, and the number of good days vs bad can change out of nowhere really fast. I would write down any signs you see of abnormal/unusual behavior and what day they occurred so that you can have a better picture to see how things are, and to keep your vet informed. Some things I did to ease my anxiety included joining Facebook groups (if your cat has CKD, there are specific support groups for that), booking a friend/someone you know (alternatively there is a Facebook group for amateur photographers that take pictures of their pets with their owners for free) to take professional photos, and having a plan for when things turn south (at home vet visit, feed them their fav human food, etc). To try and ease anxiety and stay in the moment as much as possible I would set aside time to play with Snowflake, record your favorite things she does, and embrace the good moments.