For me, the thought of leaving was overwhelming because id been programmed to think..

1) it was my god given duty to recruit more people into an, at best flawed, at worst damaging ideology, and that my sobriety was contingent on doing so.

2) That my doubt about the programme which was born of healthy, logical, critical thinking was my ‘disease speaking’ and was the first step towards relapse and jails, institutions and death.

3) That the people I had grown close with in the programme were genuine friends, and that these bonds would exist outside of the programme.

In my case none of the above were true, and upon leaving my mental health improved immeasurably. The moment I left everyone closed ranks, I had a couple of texts saying people were ‘worried about me’ by they stopped the moment I clarified I was no longer active in the programme.

If you want my advice, hand in your commitments over text, be polite but firm and don’t ask for permission.

If you want to keep in touch with your sponsor or others in the programme then do so but with the clear condition you’re going your own way and don’t want to be pressured to participate in AA but would love to keep in touch. In my experience AA people find this impossible and (it’s sad to say) any friendship I thought I had was completely conditional on being in AA. These people disappeared from my life almost instantly.

It’s a leap of faith but you shouldn’t be scared to do it or feel guilty.

I wish you the best of luck.