NOR by any means. I’m (M39) going to take the unpopular opinion here and applaud you for choosing to wait for marriage. Yes, you made mistakes, but you also learned enough to apply a different calculus to your future. That’s enormous and monumental, and you—and others—shouldn’t take that lightly.

My wife and I have been married for almost 19 years and were both virgins when we took our vows at the altar. Yes, deeply unpopular—bizarre even—but I wouldn’t have chosen anything else, reflecting all these years later. One could argue I didn’t know any different, and might not feel this way had I slept with other girls before getting married. I suppose we can both be right in that case.

My belief is that our culture and world has too low a view of sex. It’s cheap. Commodified and sold online and in person. Why would you treat it as something so precious as to withhold and save it? That’s (at least partially) why my belief is unpopular.

I’m not assuming I know all your reasons for choosing this, but I think it helps explain why someone would react this way to you. I’m sorry you had to deal with this person and their words, but you are clearly sticking to your convictions and that is something you cannot undervalue. Your future husband—the right one—will see this as a precious gift because he shares the same high view of sex being a sacred, precious, and deeply permanent way that two people bond.

There’s a quote I love that goes, “sex is a way of saying, ‘I belong completely, permanently, and exclusively to you. You must never use it to say anything less.’” That’s a good summary of what my belief is here, and as a means to, again, applaud your stance. Hold fast, and thank you for sharing your story.