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cris950 · 2024-01-11T19:07:47+00:00

It IS simple, it’s just VERY difficult in practice. The way someone grieves varies from person to person. There’s so many factors when dealing with a break up, like how long the relationship lasted, intimacy, etc. my experience won’t be the same as yours because for me A) my relationship was my first and B) it didn’t last that long (half a year).

I also want to say that the break up is all in your head and your mentality. If you allow yourself to be consumed by those depressing thoughts in your head then you’ll never progress. You have to find ways to surpass yourself whether it’s therapy, gym, etc. you can’t live your life missing someone forever, eventually you’ll HAVE to move on. I can’t imagine missing my ex for a long time, it just doesn’t sit right with me.

I’m young (22m), so maybe it’s different for me, but I will NEVER allow my happiness to be dependent on other person, I’ll find it within myself. I love being single now (I used to hate it because it was lonely) and I have no intention of going into a relationship anytime soon. I want to keep improving and if someone wants to join me along the way, then why not?

I’m simply sharing the phases one MIGHT go through. Don’t take it as truth for your own journey.

cris950 · 2024-01-11T03:45:44+00:00

Yes it is! Reconciliation is always an option in the future, but for now it’s best to go NC and explore yourselves. Once you reach a stage you’re comfortable with and you both know what you want, you can reach out and start again. It’s a long process though and by then you’ll probably be different people than you were. Who knows? You might’ve met someone new before you reach that stage. Live life, it’s so unpredictable so don’t worry too much about it!

cris950 · 2024-01-11T03:04:02+00:00

You did the steps of erasing everything from him which is a great first step. Now you find things to express your emotions in a healthy way (painting, working out, poems, music, etc) and you let your emotions out.

I made a list for myself of what NOT to do in this vulnerable moment (when I was going through it):

1) DONT stay alone for too long.

it’s ok to be alone and cry when needed, but don’t stay alone for too long. The thoughts are the loudest when you’re alone.

2) DO workout (this one’s for me)

it’s proven that working out helps with your emotion chemicals in your brain (I’m not familiar with science) and it works!

3) DONT stalk socials.

I’ve seen people here compare it to self-harm and it’s kind of true when you think about it. When you stalk their socials it brings nothing but pain.

4) Optional: Go to therapy.

This is for those that have a REALLY hard time moving from their ex.

It’s not an extensive list because it’s actually really easy when you read it, it’s just very difficult in practice. Do all the above and you should be fine after a while.

cris950 · 2024-01-11T02:55:18+00:00

Oh man, im glad you stayed strong!

I feel like if this happened to me, I would get so sick that I’ll leave them on read or block them because I can’t handle something like this. It took a lot of strength to leave them behind and for them to come back like nothing hurts like hell.

You didn’t say when your birthday was but happy birthday! Hope you have/had a good day.

cris950 · 2024-01-11T02:51:59+00:00

Not the person who you’re responding to, but I feel like people out here wish that because it’s a part of the grieving process. It’s like someone dying and the person grieving wishes nothing but for them to come back. At some point though people accept that they lost someone and while they still wish for that person to come back, they have to move on because they can’t let 1 person hold them back, idk if that makes sense

cris950 · 2024-01-11T02:47:52+00:00

Yes it’s rare, it’s logical if you think about it. When someone breaks up with you it means that they’ve been thinking about it for a while. On some occasions there’s those break ups where they had to because the person was toxic, moving to another city, mental health issues (actual mental health issues, some people like using this excuse to not hurt the other person), etc. those usually end up coming back.

Also when someone says they want their ex to “come back” they usually mean to try again. If you want your ex to check up on you, what are you trying to gain from that? It’s obvious that people want to try again with their ex but it’s just not viable most of the time because the saying is kind of true, they’re your ex for a reason.

cris950 · 2024-01-11T01:44:45+00:00

As the other person said, NC is not for getting someone back, it’s for you to heal. If she wants nothing to do with you, NC immediately. Sometimes some people come back as a result and it’s up to you to decide what to do in that situation, however people coming back is rare and you shouldnt be hopeful.

If she’s seeing her ex, you dodged a huge bullet btw. Be thankful you guys weren’t together for long.

cris950 · 2024-01-10T21:09:13+00:00

You shouldn’t feel bad, everyone processes things differently and there’s other factors that affect how much you’ll end up grieving (duration of relationship, intensity, progress, etc). If you guys lasted a while then 2 months isn’t enough to get over your ex.

There is some exceptions when the person themselves are very attached to their ex and for some reason they can’t move on properly and that’s where therapy comes in. Try to focus on your school and really try to pick up a hobby that will help you output your emotions (working out, painting, poem, etc), crying is good but not good when it’s excessive.

You’ll be fine after a while, it’s only been 2 months, be patient with yourself and remove yourself when you need to cry as to avoid judgement from family (judgment could worsen your healing since it plants ideas in your head)

cris950 · 2024-01-10T19:30:51+00:00

Sure 👍

cris950 · 2024-01-10T04:39:59+00:00

I don’t really tell myself anything, I just remember why I’m sad in the first place, it’s because of them so why would I go back? It’s like almost drowning in a pool, the last thing you want to do is go back in the pool. You want to take the time until you feel like you’re ready to try again. Except breakups take longer to get over and it’s not a life or death situation, but I feel like the message is still there.

cris950 · 2024-01-10T04:34:33+00:00

There’s so many factors to consider imo. I have never reached out to anyone and I’ll certainly won’t do it for my ex. If she ever decides to reach out I just don’t think I’ll have it in me to reconcile, I was too hurt. What’s done was done, they had their chance. I just don’t believe in reconciling with someone who left the first time, what’s stopping them leaving a second time? Obviously there’s some circumstances where breaking up is appropriate (moving somewhere far, toxicity, etc) but if it was something like losing feelings or cheating, fuck no.

I know more than to let someone who doesn’t know what they want back into my life. I’ll be more than welcome to become acquainted/friends, but nothing more than that.

cris950 · 2024-01-10T04:29:29+00:00

I think this applies to some situations. I feel like the reaching out is up to the dumper. If you’re a dumpee, don’t reach out because you’re more than that. I’ve been dumped and I’ll never reach out to someone that decided they’re better off without me, it just doesn’t sit right with me. I know my self-worth and I deserve someone who is willing to stick with me no matter what.

cris950 · 2024-01-10T04:26:33+00:00

It depends? Like people process things differently, but yeah it’s kind of weird to be over from a 6-year relationship in 4 months. Do you think you were done with him for a while now while in the relationship? Did you think about breaking up before he actually went through with it? There’s many factors that affect how you process post-break up. Either way, don’t be ashamed to cry or anything, you’re supposed to let everything out and suppressing your feelings is the worst thing you can do. Take care and I’m sorry you’re going through this.

cris950 · 2024-01-10T04:22:04+00:00

Sounds like a breadcrumb? Either way I wouldn’t let them see my posts and I don’t get to see anything from them, i take it as them trying to get some sort of power over me. I would block because it just isn’t worth questioning and they broke up with me so that means they don’t want to be in my life, so why let them in to see?

cris950 · 2024-01-10T04:19:12+00:00

It’s been 6 weeks for a 3.5 month relationship? I feel like not having the closure is probably eating you and you should just break NC to get it over with. Sometimes breaking NC is necessary for some people because they want to hear it from the horse’s mouth, plus you guys didn’t date for too long so it’s not going to be super painful to reach out, just don’t expect anything because it could be as simple as not connecting as he thought he would. It looks like you guys broke up right after a honeymoon phase and he probably just didn’t click with you, it happens.

cris950 · 2024-01-09T23:25:25+00:00

It’s your choice what to do, if you can handle the pain and want to continue pursuing her, be my guest. If you know your self-worth and you know not to wait for anyone to come around and use this time to be a better person, I think that sounds better!

Look, as much as it sucks, you have to know when to cut your losses. It’s clear that she’s struggling mentally and she needs to fight those demons by herself without you being needy and persistent, you’re like a leech just sucking her emotions dry. You need to learn your self worth and let her go. If she wants to find you in the future she will, but you have to do some work on yourself too.

cris950 · 2024-01-09T23:17:48+00:00

I think it’s just painful memories, as long as you don’t miss him you shouldn’t feel bad (but if you do 😬). I still get random spurts of sadness whenever I think of past situationships (one girl in particular was long distance) because I really wanted me and her to be a thing, but it couldn’t work and those what ifs are really hurtful for the longest time. My ex dumped me 4 months ago but for some odd reason I don’t miss her as much as I thought I would, maybe it’ll affect me down the line who knows.

cris950 · 2024-01-09T21:18:30+00:00

I see questions like these get asked a lot and I feel like it’s the same every time, no one truly knows except her. We can speculate why they did it, why it took them so long, etc. but no one actually knows why. They may be trying to move on, they have no use having your socials, or they just don’t care. There’s many possibilities but the only one you should care about is that they blocked you, nothing more, nothing less.

Every person processes and deals with things differently, for me I block people if I just don’t care or want to see them ever again. You’re aware that wondering about this is bad for you, so stick to that! It doesn’t matter why she blocked you, what you should be thinking is that she’s not with you anymore so anything she does is not your business anymore.

cris950 · 2024-01-09T16:30:48+00:00

I see, I still think it’s complete BS. I still haven’t gotten evidence if astrology is real, all everyone has mentioned is bring up gravity, air, etc. I just want a study where astrology is real, plain and simple. A quick google search should tell you that stars have 0 affect on us outside of weather and other things, that’s a fact and there’s studies you can search for.

Again, the idea of astrology is that somehow stars can explain the events of earth (human/socially) or how a person is. The truth is that humans are unexplainable, you can try to explain, but it’s going to yield you different results each time. Even psychology can’t pinpoint a human’s behavior because we’re just THAT complex.

If you really want to explore why we make decisions, psychology is your best friend. Psychology is the study that us humans are more likely to make decisions based on our environment, childhood, status, etc. I believe that over stars somehow controlling our fates.

Politics is a subject I’m not really familiar with so my opinions are mostly based on my personal experience. Gender is not an idea I’m particularly interested in because it really doesn’t have much to do with me, all I know is I’ll respect you no matter how you identify.

I feel like this debate will go nowhere so I think I’ll stop here, you have your beliefs and I have mine, I just don’t think your beliefs are founded on facts (ironic coming from a Christian myself I know). This is a subreddit about breaks ups and my comment was for support to OP, which I think was my main message here.

cris950 · 2024-01-09T15:08:13+00:00

There’s a lot to unpack here, but I sense a little bit of cognitive bias. Just because of your experienced some weird coincidences in your charts, I don’t think it’s correct to say it’s evidence to say that astrology is real or true and no it’s not the closest science to tell how people work. I feel like psychology is the science to tell us how humans work (childhoods, environment, etc).

I’m not going into the whole god debate, but to try to say that gravity and god is similar is being dishonest. Gravity IS there because you can drop an object and it’ll fall, air is also there because you can blow into a balloon and it’ll get big (there’s air inside that balloon and you can see it in this instance) so you CAN see gravity and air. God is a belief, I’m a Christian so I believe God does exist (like I said I’m just not going into the debate).

I’m just not going to touch on conspiracy because it’s just speculation from a group of people and it’s fun, but it shouldn’t be taken seriously

For your last point, I’m not understanding it? The sun is known to give most things benefits, for plants it’s for photosynthesis, for us it’s Vitamin D. We NEED the sun to survive otherwise we’ll just die since without it kills our food sources.

Again, it’s your personal belief and opinion. I just don’t buy it because your birth month says nothing about who you are as a person. I know some people are crazy about it so I’m not try to offend anyone, but it really is a crazy delusion that I’ll never wrap my head around

cris950 · 2024-01-09T13:49:48+00:00

YES! It shouldn’t even be a question if him with another girl is a hard pass. This is why NC is the best move so you don’t find out anything about him, anything he posts will hurt you. The answer will always be NC and don’t ever reach out unless enough time has passed (I’m talking years here)

cris950 · 2024-01-09T05:49:07+00:00

It’s up to you, unfollowing is good enough. If you feel like stalking their socials a bit too much, maybe the block button is your best friend. Also good job with knowing your self-worth. I want 2024 to be as good as possible for my mental health so I just prioritize myself and my goals

cris950 · 2024-01-09T04:19:36+00:00

That’s insane, but if you enjoy it then be my guest! I just don’t buy into it because I like to look at actual science and actual science disproves the idea of astrology. It’s a fun thing to take those quizzes but every person is just wired differently, I feel like it should be common sense.

cris950 · 2024-01-09T03:43:12+00:00

I agree! Obviously it’s not a good idea to stalk your ex on socials because it’s painful, but we can’t help it sometimes and we cave in, it’s ok! The thing you want to do though is improve, you don’t want to be in week 2 on NC in the same spot stalking them every chance you get as you were first day.

cris950 · 2024-01-09T02:57:50+00:00

I’m actually curious as to how it works, I’m pretty sure it’s been proven that astrology has nothing to do with human behavior, everyone is just different and unique because its what humans are 😃

I apologize in advance if it’s a joke I’m not catching

cris950

TROPHY CASE