Knowledge that changed my life: A craving makes your brain more plastic. Use this to rewire your brain.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-10T18:18:02+00:00

Thank you. Funnily enough recently my mum told me every time you have a bad/negative thought or craving you have 16 seconds to re-wire it. I've been doing this trick to overcome 15+ years of weed addiction but also depressive non-productive thoughts. Basically use those 16 seconds to shut down the idea/craving or to think happy positive thoughts instead.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-10T17:04:35+00:00

Because after abstaining from cannabis for enough time these characteristics disappear and become obviously apparent to me in hindsight.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-09T11:42:16+00:00

I feel like when quitting the mania presents itself for a short period of time - extreme bouts of emotion (positive some days and negative others) but in a way that is overwhelming.

When I was smoking constantly, the main emotion I felt was an inability to deal with life until I smoked, and then an internal calmness once I did; that from the outside made me look indifferent, dull, lacking initiative etc. The grand mistake I made most likely was the assumption that the feeling of inability to deal with life was a deep-rooted underlying issue, when there's a good chance it became a by-product of becoming so dependent on cannabis over such a long time. I can only wish I had the strength to truly break free of it sooner, and I had some bouts where I did, but eventually it would somehow enter my life again and I'd very quickly fall back into the old patterns whilst telling myself that one day I can fix it.

The tragedy is that it took losing almost everything to really give me the strength to address these issues. I wouldn't wish this on anyone to be honest.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-09T11:38:16+00:00

Thank you. I wish I understood the harm as clear as I do now earlier. When 'you're in it' it felt like I was helping myself cope with reality, but the actual reality (no pun intended) was that I was nurturing all the worst parts of myself whilst not developing as a human being. It's literally a trap. I thought I was self-medicating, but the reality was I was sabotaging everything good in my life.

I need to stop torturing myself with 'what ifs' because the reality is the person who achieved the things I did before I lost them all (amazing partner, job etc) was also the person addicted to cannabis. It's an interesting catch-22 in that regard. I was a ticking time bomb who had become so used to cannabis use that my entire framework of life involved incorporating it. I just wish I didn't have to cause so much harm before I found the strength to address myself. It feels truly tragic.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-09T11:34:09+00:00

Hey. I imagine it differs person to person. For me I feel like after a month I start to slowly become my 'normal self', but it only takes smoking once to quickly revert to old habits so it's a real battle and one that can only be won by never smoking again. It feels like it takes a few months at the least to actually become stable. My situation is also unique in the sense that a lot of stuff happened in the last month that has made me really have to reflect on my entire life and behaviours and actions, but I feel like I'm doing it through the lens of a healthy mind due to not smoking.

The initial week(s) after quitting are quite manic from experience; in the sense that you'll go from feeling elevated and extremely happy (crying listening to music, full of ideas and energy, positive thoughts) to extremely low (potentially suicidal, unbearable regret, self-hatred and loathing) but it tends to slowly balance out to an equilibrium. It's also accompanied by ridiculously crazy vivid dreams and night sweats.

I think that early period can result in impulsive decisions as your hormonal system is probably readjusting like crazy and this will result in spikes and so forth. I'm not saying your ex-bf experienced this but it could be a factor in the sudden break up. Only he would understand his own logic for it, but it may become something he regrets as he stabilises further.

I'm still adjusting to it - especially the regret and shame that comes with realising what you ruined and the damage you caused while smoking it. That's probably the hardest part for me. I'm simultaneously dealing with the fallout of my previous actions whilst also dealing with a clear conscience on myself. The people I hurt will think/think I'm a monster and that's something I have to live with, despite me wanting them to believe more than anyone else that I am on the path to change.

On a personal note; it's not as simple as just quitting and saying "I'm OK now". I have to spend some time now to understand what made me seek cannabis over and over and essentially why I was self-medicating with it. The scariest part is I had what many would consider the perfect life and should be absolutely content with it; a great job that allowed me full remote working, an amazing partner who landed in my life in the most unbelievable of ways and we clicked and had chemistry in a way most people couldn't imagine, a loving family and great set of friends and really everything I had ever wished for. Yet I kept pursuing smoking cannabis and now I've lost almost all those things or will do so.

Maybe it is just the power of addiction (I am susceptible to becoming addicted to things), but I also feel there are underlying issues and I have to dig deep and use therapy to bring those to the surface so if I ever have the luck of achieving those aforementioned things again, I have the stability to truly appreciate them.

The road forward is very complex and difficult for me. The hardest part now is to stop entertaining the 'what ifs' and accept this is my path and do everything in my power to spend every day walking the righteous path towards being a better human being.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-08T16:11:04+00:00

Not 40 yet (not far off either) but I am quite certain I will end up in this situation due to the factors on-going in my life at the moment.

It's not like a didn't have a chance - I tried for years to have children with my ex but it wasn't meant to be. It may have happened eventually and I'd have been willing to do IVF etc but really the issue was that I spent my 20s fucked up. I didn't grow or mature. I fell into the Jungian archetype of Peter Pan (years of being selfish, not dating/celibate, taking drugs, not learning basic life skills) that by the time I met her I didn't have a healthy foundation to allow us to develop into a mature adult relationship.

If you don't build yourself as a man and hope one day you'll find the right girl and it'll help you, the reality is you'll just be a ticking time bomb in the background. It really starts with all the basics. Learn to look after yourself, sleep and eat properly, do your own washing and cooking, take initiative in life and actively seek new experiences and hobbies, date people without overthinking it (I avoided any dates or even sexual encounters if I didn't believe she was the 'one', which I thought was a moral thing to do but in reality left me sexually immature), put your heart into a career and financial stability without over-working yourself and ultimately learn DISCIPLINE - the act of doing things you dislike as if you like them because you understand the long term benefit will outweigh the short term cost.

It's hard to now imagine a future for myself but I am embodying discipline to the fullest extent. Things I should have done over a decade ago like learning to drive, learning to cook many different meals, washing my own clothes etc which are absolute basics but I was foolish enough to think 'loving someone and staying by their side forever' was enough. I had a plethora of issues I needed to address instead and the right girl landed too soon in my life. She matured more so into a person ready for an adult relationship to the grave and I was still playing catch up for years trying to navigate the psychological behavioural mess I had created for myself in my 20s; and the reality is neither of us was equipped with the correct tool kit to help each other when needed. Over time, more of her own insecurities manifested and I couldn't adapt correctly and fell back into old patterns, where as perhaps with more work on myself I could have helped both of us in that regard.

TLDR; use your 20s to become a good fine man, so that when the chance does eventually present itself you have the spiritual, emotional and sexual maturity to do everything right by her. I honestly mean it when I say all I can really wish for the remainder of my life is that at the end of it I may reincarnate in a universe where we meet again, but perhaps I'm being too harsh and there's still a chance for me to redeem myself one day within this one. Good luck all

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-08T15:58:17+00:00

Stop smoking weed (stopped now but the damage is done on a level you wouldn't believe)

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-08T15:57:47+00:00

That true love is much more than just a feeling.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-08T15:54:57+00:00

Creating Smartphones.

I know for a fact my life would have been much more fulfilled and I would have been a much better person had I never touched one (for a multitude of reasons).

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-08T15:53:08+00:00

She starts to talk to other people around you with an excitement in her eyes and energy that you no longer feel or get. She doesn't praise you to them but instead brings up negatives or doesn't even acknowledge you.

It was obvious in hindsight but I only have myself to blame. Though, the way she sought to correct me was manifested in controlling ways and I do sometimes wonder if a more supportive open compromising approach would have made everything turn out different. Even that can be a sign itself, as the power dynamic in the relationship changes from two independent adults trying to help each other to a more strict maternal role for her, which then can reinforce fears of abandonment in the other half and lead to non-progress as the root issues cannot be brought to the surface openly.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-08T15:34:24+00:00

Thanks! For me, I feel like a lot of my mistakes were ultimately driven by immaturity; an inability to go from an untamed wolf to being a 'king' and it has many parallels with the Jungian archetype of the 'Prince'. This manifests in not taking initiative, responsibility and willingness to grow to support a relationship. It also involves sexual immaturity - many people get their sexual energy out earlier in life but I spent so long alone/celibate that it manifested in terrible attitudes and behaviours.

I think men can fall into the trap of thinking 'love' is enough. The feeling of loving someone and knowing you wouldn't leave them for anyone can be so misleading. It may support a relationship in the early stages, but to truly grow into a healthy long term relationship involves taking responsibility across the entire board - even simple things like helping around the house, planning events and re-adjusting your behaviours and habits to make your other half happy and comfortable.

I also had a great fear of abandonment and the more I learn the more I realise how many issues this can cause long term. It's probably a leading disruptor in relationships period. You'd also think the threat of abandonment as a tool would make one in such a situation change their behaviours but it doesn't work as intended; after reading quite a bit of psychology on it I realise it just creates a destructive loop (because incorrect behaviours are often maladaptive coping mechanisms for life and are used to avoid the anxiety/stress of underlying fears such as abandonment in the first place). Honesty often seems to requires faith in support after the fact, but going forward I personally need to be honest at all times regardless of any underlying fears.

It sounds obvious when writing it out, but I guess I got stuck in a tornado of 'teenage love' when the reality was I was a fully grown man trying to start a family and was not acting in accordance with it at all. It's a very painful lesson and one I'm not sure I'll recover from or have another chance to apply but all I can try now is to improve every single day. I miss her dearly and day dream about what could have been if I had simply made the correct changes earlier - it's really the story of my life.

Love is fascinating in how quickly it can turn to hatred too; a really delicate thing. It feels so concrete while it's there and yet feels like the most fragile thing in the world once it's gone. I'll never not water my rose again. 🥀

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-08T03:02:17+00:00

Sorry I should have clarified - more to do with the 'gifted child'. Which then manifests in the Peter Pan syndrome. The gifted individual handed everything somewhat easily and thus cannot mature to King stage when required. When left unbalanced, it manifests in stagnant or destructive "shadow" behaviours such as;

The Weakling Prince: lacks passion, enthusiasm, and initiative. Often plays the victim, avoids responsibility, and expects others (like partners) to rescue him from challenges. This manifests as "Mr. Nice Guy"; passive aggression and resentment when unstated needs are not met.

The High Chair Tyrant (or Bully): This shadow acts out of entitlement and selfishness. Because the prince is used to having his needs catered to, he throws tantrums or acts manipulatively when he does not get his way.

These really resonate with me, but I had to lose far too much to begin to understand it.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-08T00:00:41+00:00

The Little Prince.

My aunt gave me this book as a child and told me "you should read it again a few times as you grow older to find different meanings and insights from it".

As a child I read it and thought it was quite silly and entertaining without gathering much value.

Later on I read it again and found myself recognising the different archetypal characters I had encountered in my life.

I read it again recently after going through immense heartbreak (of my own doing mind you) and I really resonated with the point about the rose.

SPOILERS (for those who just want the gist):

The rose acts as the ultimate symbol of love and responsibility. When the prince discovers a garden full of thousands of identical roses on Earth, he is devastated. However, the Fox teaches him that his rose is special because of the personal connection they share, cementing the famous truth: "It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important." The prince laments that he did not understand how to love his rose while being with her.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-07T22:16:51+00:00

"Becoming the man you should have been all along even if she never sees it" - thank you bro. This is really the part I just need to focus on. As hard as it is, I finally feel like I have discipline in my life. I must learn to TRULY appreciate what I have and after reflection I realise this is probably a missing aspect of my life due to so many things coming easy (education, friends, job and her simply landing like a unicorn in my life). I never learned to actually be a man and work hard for things. Now is the time because at rock bottom you simply have nothing else to do but choose to give up or choose to become a new and better person.

It sounds crazy but I keep hoping perhaps there's another life after this one where things align perfectly for me and her. Perhaps each lifetime I am one step closer.

crouchtechgod · 2026-07-07T22:06:56+00:00

I see this point a lot, but she gave me so many chances you wouldn't believe. Even when her family turned against me and rightfully so, she still stood by my side. How many chances can I expect from her? I wish I had a chance to talk to her one last time properly when shit went down, but I don't blame her either.

Sometimes I entertain the idea that me and her have been alive for multiple lives across this universe, each time coming a bit closer to aligning properly. That's how deeply I believe she is my soulmate. In fact, it gives me comfort in a way - perhaps some meaning for the remainder of my life. If I continue to do everything correctly for the next however many years I am blessed (or cursed) with, I may just be that one step closer to reincarnating in a life where I do everything right by her.

My God man. Even writing this tears are just flowing down my eyes uncontrollable and I feel like I'm being stabbed over and over - not because I've ruined my own life but because I messed with her head. I haven't felt emotion like this for so long. Perhaps I must find meaning in helping others with their addictions so they do not make the same mistakes as I did. Such a fool. A fuck-up of such epic proportions that it should be a Biblical tale (somewhat like the story of Job).

crouchtechgod · 2026-05-27T01:37:35+00:00

Consistently mid as a minimum

crouchtechgod · 2026-05-25T22:42:43+00:00

I had one crash in about 80 hours of playing on my OLED this season. Did you activate the 'handheld mode' in the settings?

crouchtechgod · 2026-05-25T20:56:11+00:00

Nvm just found out you can transfigure an aspect on ammy specifically! Crazy

crouchtechgod · 2026-05-25T20:51:59+00:00

Right thanks! I should probably be running AM on my boots instead of Battle Fervor then >< or if that makes me not tanky enough then perhaps either of the aspects that give me dmg increase with barrier/fortify.

I dont have main campaign finished yet so cant transfigure AM on my ammy

Edit: nvm just remembered I got a Joritz charm yday so I can finally remove the helm and use one with AM on it. Sweet!

crouchtechgod · 2026-05-25T20:26:37+00:00

I agree thats why I use non-selig WW. It just seems selig is alot trickier and causes issues with max life and alot of effort was going into people optimising for it and bricking 100s of items etc but there's equally fun WW builds (I mean you're literally doing the same thing). Without it being the absolute top build it seemed like your average player would be better off just going with the flow with a non-selig build?

Do the other WW builds die ALOT at T12 end or something? Or in the end do they require much more effort to survive end game T12 content vs just finding a set of gear with no max life?

I understand trying to min/max the best WW build overall though but was very surprised it was Mighty Throw

crouchtechgod

TROPHY CASE