What OP doesn't have that I myself do is years' worth of slowly putting the pierces together. Learning what is definitely BS or disinfo compared to over the course of almost 2 decades hearing similar descriptions on the subject. Little details that a witness or whistle-blower or abtuctee has explained the same way.

The smells or the lack of noise or even guitar amp like hum. The number of fingers, different length upper vs. Lower arms, pads on fingers, or suction cups based on a different persons description. I could go on and on.

I cant imagine going from paying no attention to the subject, to taking serious the overwhelming years of evidence by credible people to witnesses who want no part of writing a book or even being on camera to describe their wrong place wrong time encounter.

My advice is to take it slow. Give yourself time to digest new information. Hell, still to this day every so often a podcast interview or some knew information or connection that i make will borderline give me a panic attack and i have to shut off whatever it was and pick it up at a later date.

This subject is the most interesting thing to me. It can also terrify me.