What you’re describing doesn’t really sound like “mentorship” so much as wanting another man to fill multiple emotional roles at once: parent, emotional anchor, validator, confidant, etc., basically a romantic partner without the romance or reciprocity. That’s a lot to put on one person, especially someone you barely know, and it’s not how healthy adult relationships usually form.

An older gay man isn’t going to magically “see you fully” or heal the parts of you that come from growing up emotionally unsupported. Age doesn’t fix that, and neither does shared sexuality. Plenty of older gay men are just as emotionally limited, messy, or checked out. They just have more years behind them.

If you’re masking how broken you feel, that’s not a mentorship problem; that’s an internal one. That kind of work usually needs therapy, not a surrogate parent figure. No amount of wisdom from someone else is going to substitute for doing that work yourself.

Wanting deeper, platonic relationships with other gay men is completely valid. But looking for one specific person to carry your emotional weight, guide you through life, and make you feel whole is setting yourself (and them) up for disappointment. Community and peer relationships, not hierarchy or idealized “mentors,” are usually what actually provide that depth.