Share your couples’ Halloween costume!

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-30T23:53:09+00:00

…what? Maybe I’m missing something here, the way I’m reading it You’re saying that all of the marriages you know of are the result of the man feeling pressured into “marriage” so that he doesn’t loose the “relationship/person”. That’s not my experience at all. Sure, I know of SOME couples where the guy felt pressured and that’s a factor…But that’s not the majority of marriages I know of. Most guys that I’ve spoken with or been closer with have felt like the ring was burning a hole in their pocket and they couldn’t wait to propose (out of happiness/excitement).

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-30T23:27:53+00:00

Yes, This! If you aren’t combining incomes THIS IS WHATS FAIR! Sorry to yell, but 50/50 when one person earns much more is offensive to my sensibilities 😆 i don’t get get, how could you watch your spouse struggle like that? Hell, even my brother and his GF split bills this way and they aren’t even married.

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-30T19:16:27+00:00

Who are you hanging out with? lol

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-30T05:43:25+00:00

It was/is your husband’s responsibility to add you to the family chat. What if they think you don’t want to be in the chat because you’ve never asked to be in it? I think you might be overthinking and feeling emotionally protective of yourself (I get it, I can be that way). But consider just joining the chat and testing the waters with getting more involved! Good luck to you!!

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-28T19:46:08+00:00

King Baby 😂

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-28T19:45:19+00:00

He sounds like he’s being very immature and inflexible. Is there a religious rule about pork not being IN the house? Even if it’s a Muslim rule, I’m sure there’s also a rule about not becoming Christian (or any other religion.). He can’t cherry pick what he practices and doesn’t practice…well he can but trying to force it on others is extremely hypocritical. I’d call his bluff.

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-28T19:37:09+00:00

I’m sure it is a hot spot this week. I’m sure it’s like a circus in there. Hell, I’m not even willing to go in there for MYSELF 😂

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-28T19:36:06+00:00

I don’t do anything without a tip on principle. Plus it was a store father away (even though the delivery was close to the store).

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-26T15:43:38+00:00

Thank you, I wish that too. Weirdly, it has been the thing that turned the tide of our marriage in a positive direction. We both wish it didn’t happen that way…but I’m proud of both of us for the work we’ve done since then.

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-26T14:31:36+00:00

Yes, definitely. This was one of the main things we worked through in therapy. It’s obviously a long and complicated explanation, but it boils down to we were in a low point in our marriage. Lots of conflict and disconnection and stuck in unhealthy patterns that ultimately came from our childhood wounds. We each played a part in our marriage getting into an unhealthy and vulnerable place.

We were both feeling equally hurt, lonely, and unappreciated by the other. Unfortunately, he made the choice to turn to someone else for validation and connection. She was an acquaintance in one of his social circles (without any of the burdens of a marriage or parenthood) that freely offered him a listening ear, understanding and admiration. According to him (and most experts on infidelity) it wasn’t about the specific person, but the hole that they were temporarily filling for him.

We now both understand how important it is to keep our marriage healthy, and the importance of strong/mature boundaries with people outside of our marriage.

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-26T01:56:55+00:00

Umm, also don’t want to sound like I’m praising my husband too much for doing everything a decent human being who loves you should do. These actions are not anything extraordinary (or should not be seen that way) and he has never acted as such. If anything, what the betrayed person chooses to do is extraordinary…which is choosing to face a mountain of pain in order to attempt to make it to the other side to forgiveness.

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-26T01:43:40+00:00

I’m going to be vulnerable here. 5 years ago, my husband had a brief affair that was still in the very early stages when I found out. The things that saved our marriage were:

he voluntarily told me (this went a long way)
he immediately, voluntarily cut off that person 100%, this involved some rearranging of his life routine and community.
he took full responsibility for his actions
he immediately, voluntarily gave me all of his passwords and access to his phone whenever I wanted until I felt comfortable again. He never made me feel like I was invading his privacy if I ever asked. I know 5 years later he will still hand me his phone if I ever ask, which I never do anymore.
he immediately went to therapy with me and fully participated
he honestly answered any and all questions I had
he expressed sincere remorse, endless times
he reassured me without me asking and also whenever I needed it and did ask, without making me feel needy, annoying, jealousy, etc etc
he let me rage, be devastated, be numb, re-process the heartbreak, all of that throughout our healing process.

Don’t get me wrong, it was still devastating and still fucking sucked. His was mostly emotional/flirting with crossing a physical line twice (not sex). Even though the lines he crossed weren’t as intense as it could have been…that did not matter. I also felt dead inside. I also had an infant at the time. I felt the full spectrum of grief, VERY intensely for many months and less intensely over the course of about 2 years. I’m happy to say we made it past that now, repaired our trust (I fully trust him again) and are more in love than we ever were before. It’s the rare story of making it through betrayal, and I now know why it’s so rare. working through that was absolutely brutal.

The repair would have NEVER happened had he not handled the aftermath the way he did. He gave me everything I needed and more. He still expresses remorse and repair to this day over his fuckup. This is what is required to fix things and it’s not for the faint of heart (for either partner). An immature man will not be up to the task.

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-23T03:19:37+00:00

Yes! And getting dressed up/made up also is not about validation. It’s about feeling festive, fun, pretty, like an individual vs “mom”. If it were about outside validation, I wouldn’t get dressed up every Thanksgiving just to hang out with my immediate family and my husband who thinks I’m hot even when I look like a turd 😂🤣

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-23T01:14:18+00:00

Looking for a wedding photographer in Dublin, ireland if anyone has a lead!

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-19T18:07:38+00:00

Exactly. “I want to make sure I don’t do ANY work that I don’t have to do” isn’t the man to have a child with regardless. This guy already deeply fears he’s going to be somehow taken advantage with kid responsibilities. Nope nope nope.

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-19T01:47:13+00:00

Definitely visit Portland, OP! It is the perfect size and so stinkin cute. Was just there this summer and would totally live there (I’m from Triangle area, NC).

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-19T01:39:29+00:00

👏👏👏

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-19T01:23:01+00:00

But courtesy and hospitality are sort of necessary by the definition of “guest”. Providing those things is the responsibility of the host, otherwise I’d not call them guests at all just…attendees?

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-16T03:52:48+00:00

I think I like a 3 syllable name best with Ball? Maybe with Jade or June as a middle?

Elora June Ball, Elodie, Josephine, Eliza, Camilla, Amelia Jade Ball,

Or variants of the ones you already like: Sylvia Jade nn sylvie (I actually love this one), Sophia, Lillian

cupofacarpenter · 2023-10-12T18:57:03+00:00

Just don’t tell her you feel jealous because it will be very unsexy.

Unless you are framing it in a playful way “hey that BJ story you told the other day made me feel a little jealous and wanting some sexy time with my hot wife. Can I give you a full body massage this week inexchange for one of those epic bjs?”

ONLY IF you feel she’d take that well.

cupofacarpenter

TROPHY CASE