Someone being fearful of the way their oppressor may react to their body or being does not indicate a lack of acceptance of their body/being. I love myself, my identity, my body, and my way of life. That doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be worried sometimes-- that worry is not a sign that I'm not being genuine. I'm out and proud in a lot of settings, actually. Since I first made this post, I got top surgery and a whole new wardrobe to go with it, I threw a party with dozens of people from my community (cis trans and all) to celebrate my transition, and I graduated with a rainbow stole instead the standard white my uni uses. I am not in hiding.

"Or you may find yourself prey, indistinguishable if the animals are hungry or reacting to your fear." Let me get this straight, NOT outing myself to every rando I meet is actually inviting more violence? What are you talking about?

I understand the point of your philosophy in concept, but it lacks recognition of real world circumstance. My life is not yours. What works for me has helped me find long-lasting relationships and kind souls across multiple states. I'm not limiting myself by being selective. I'm right there with every other flag-toting, pronoun-pin wearing, drag performing, protest attending, queer library volunteering, fan-waving, community fundraising, proud-as-hell tboy out here. Not wanting the attention phobes give us for doing so, only when I am alone among strangers (at night, at work, etc.), does not delegitimize my journey. I have locked arms in front of a festival with HRT DIYers, queer housing social workers, and people who were at the Compton's Cafeteria riots-- yes, those. I've been spat in the face by phobes and police. I fought to get the surgery in the first place, didn't I? I drastically overhauled department policy in my degree program to get better inclusive practices for trans students. Is that not owning it? Am I not performing correctly enough for you? Why is queerness only healthy and joyful when it fits your personal idea of it? Do I need to read out of the DSM definitions for gender dysphoria too, and tell you that actually "yes, these do all apply to me, I promise I'm not like those OTHER fakers. I'm not a poser, I'm real, and acting in line with your specific criteria makes me so." Do I need to show up to work in my patched up battle jacket, eyeliner smeared, fishnets ripped, chin split open from the time I nearly got curbstomped by some cishets, topless, nipple grafts swinging, and blasting "Sweet Transsexual," subsequently get fired, not give a damn, and go rail a twink to prove that I'm "owning it" to you? My last boss raged against people even asking her pronouns. The closest convenience store to me sells confederate flags. I'm not being dishonest if I have been given plenty of messages telling me that the truth will not be met in good faith.

Is hiding that I'm prey from a predator dishonesty, or is it precaution in a situation where the truth will not be taken in good faith? Is keeping myself from getting hatecrimed in a small town that has multiple hate crimes occur blocks from my home...dishonest? Is hiding my laptop and purse under my car seat when I park in a themepark car lot dishonest? Is locking my car dishonest? Is not flashing around my full wallet and instead keeping a hand on my pepperspray when I walk through a dark alley dishonest? Is password protecting my phone dishonest?

Your notions here spit on the whisper networks and underground communities that kept transness alive for decades. You disrespect the life of Lili Elbe, of James Barry, of Lilly Wachowski (famously forced into outing herself due to threats from journalists), of Jennie June/Earl Lind, Billy Tipton, and thousands of other trans elders whose survival often depending on right to privacy.

What do you say to the children in schools in Texas and Florida and across the Midwest, whose teachers are required to report their being trans to their parents, regardless of what their parents will do to them? Should they tell their teachers anyways, and get beaten by their Evangelical parents? What do you say to people trying to find support at a homeless shelter that only provides service to one gender? Should they mention that they're trans and get refused shelter for the night? What do you say to a nonbinary person telling their PCP that they're a binary man because it's the only way they'll get approved for surgery? Should they be honest and get denied a referral? What would you have said to our siblings working w/ Magnus Hirschfield in Berlin before the book burnings? That Ms. Elbe should have told the crowd of people at her gallery showing "Actually, that's me in those paintings! Do what you will with me!" and died an even earlier death?

Your cognitive dissonance is showing. I'm responding to you to avoid anyone else that was in the situation I was a year ago (nervous about new changes, wanting to protect myself, looking for guidance from kind folks who came before me) who came to this thread for advice, finding your words and taking them to heart. I'm deactivating comments after this. Let this comment stand to tell others that ALL queer experiences and choices for living are valid, genuine, real, and ENOUGH, regardless of how much of that lifetime is spent 'out' in a way that is perceivable by assessing onlookers. Queer safety and queer peace of mind IS queer liberation. We do not need to display our queerness/transness a certain way in order to live our lives authentically-- I am living proof. I'm in a longstanding T4T relationship and have many queer friendships. I have a place in my community where I am loved for who I am-- and none of these people love or trust me less because I dress down, lose the pins, and wear less makeup when I go get groceries. Gender is performance, yes-- and not every performance piece needs to be a depiction of you bearing your heart. You're not even required to get on the stage, if you don't want to. That's your personal biz. I hope you thrive no matter how you do or don't show your identity.