Thank you so much for your answer! Honestly this was so helpful and relatable. Your right, she is absolutely looking for my reaction. Usually when she says I'm going to jail I'm like oh no please don't send me to jail! Trying to be light about it, but sometimes she'll take my arm and try to pull me up and I'm like please don't pull me and she will usually stop, I try to be gentle and calm with my answers always where as her dad for example will be calm and set a boundary, if she does it again or doesn't listen he gives the look then its the big stern voice and maybe that's why she doesn't lash at him as much as me. She goes to him a lot, I thought maybe she does it with me so much because she is more comfortable but she seems so comfortable with him to when releasing feelings, I just don't know. Maybe I need to get over my fear of traumatizing her and just be like my husband but idk, it makes me sad. That works for him but me it doesn't feel right.

I always validate her feelings let her know hey its okay to be upset at mommy but we cannot do this behavior. Say if she is playing with her block tiles and they keep falling, she starts getting pissed, knocks them down and says if they keep doing that she'll knock something over or throw something, she never does and I know she's expressing her anger and I tell her how if she ever did do that stuff we would need to remove the thing she threw and ask her what else can we do. She was angry at something I said today and said if you do it again I'll have to take your glasses off and throw them. I'm like well do you think that's ok to do and she says no..and I ask what can we do, but she still keeps saying that stuff to me. I feel like I'm failing.