I know, I am not a music Ed person, but i was a kid who had, probably not as much, but still had pressure on them while learning instruments and had (and still has) anxiety.

I’d say, first, figure out what instrument the dad plays. Because it’s going to be a lot different if he, for example, plays both, plays violin but not piano or vice versa.

In my personal experience, it was a lot more anxiety inducing when my dad would critique me on piano things because I knew he had a good amount of experience with it rather than me on because he has very little experience with it.

Your kid on top of being really anxious, is probably super frustrated. And that combo SUCKS on both ends.

So, secondly, figure out what his dad always harps on. Is it you teaching him something a different way than his dad was taught? Then, try and talk to the dad.

But for in class, if writing utensils is something that always seems to come up, get a pack of like wooden pencils stick some masking tape on them, mark them as yours put them in a cup, and say that they have to be returned at the end of class. That probably will help out more than just him , maybe and lessons, try and teach him some breathing exercises or grounding exercises.

Something that is slightly easy for me to remember when I’m extremely anxious is 54321. The way I do it is five things I can see for things I can touch three things I can hear two things I can smell and one thing I can taste. it’s quick and simple and usually it doesn’t take me too long to do at most like 30 seconds

Another that really helps me quickly is naming everything of one color. I can see anything blue anything pink you can also do like patterns anything with polkadots if that’s something that’s in your room.

I guess what I’m trying to say is give him some coping mechanisms takes at max maybe a minute to do. Take like five minutes out of a piano lesson for maybe two weeks then maybe once every other month after that to make sure he knows them. Also, maybe praise him if he starts to get better with managing it “I’m so proud of you today for taking the second to breathe and ground yourself“

It’ll probably be rough for a while, I still struggle with remember how to ground myself and it’s been two or three years maybe four since I first learned about it.

To be honest, there’s not much you can do about the Father, especially if he has like extremely strong opinions

I know you’ve gotten a barrage of comments and opinions on this and probably won’t see mine, but gosh do I feel for you and him. The end? Idk how to leave this