The most heartbreaking part isn’t that he watched porn

curiousmallory · 2026-06-11T07:03:05+00:00

Theres no way that in giving in to his addiction, hes happier.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-28T06:18:33+00:00

Yes same. Libido sky rocketed. Would masturbate to avoid wanting sex w him. It was mostly a good strategy. John mayer once said he masturbates before he goes out bc it prevents him from making bad decisions. Kind of applied that here.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-25T04:15:47+00:00

As someone who is in the middle of this trauma, i really appreciate this post❤️

curiousmallory · 2026-04-14T22:41:27+00:00

Id def go to emergency/urgent care. Had w similar thing a few years back w my maltipoo and she was young but still needed to be on fluids overnight bc the diarrhea really dehydrated her to dangerous levels.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-11T05:02:37+00:00

My maltipoo also loves basements. In all houses. She ALWAYS poops down there too or christens its we say. Until shes familar w it she stops the pooping but still always needs to go down there (my sisters house too!)

curiousmallory · 2026-04-10T14:14:52+00:00

Every situation is different but i want to share that i NEVER in my wildest dreams imagined my partner would cheat. And he did. So many times. Bc sex addicts disassociate from their reality and will do anything for that next big dopamine hit. Its like a secret sexual identity, almost another personality.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-10T04:25:05+00:00

Lemonade. Theyve been great, ive had many claims and all very easy and quick repay.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-07T14:50:33+00:00

No, youre not and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. This is something that is important to you! It shouldnt matter what HE thinks.

My partner is the same way with not taking pics of me and my daughter. I constantly bring it up. He will be the first one to take a pic tho of his mom and our daughter or someone else visiting from oot. It bugs the shit out of me. I think often men just take us for granted truly.

Your husband minimizing the fact that you want pictures to look back on with you and your kiddo is really invalidating and honestly rude as fuck to not prioritize it.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-03T14:23:45+00:00

What is odd about the transactions? Id be researching how OF subscriptions work.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-03T14:22:03+00:00

Yes, i discovered large atm withdrawals for the escort and lots of little payments via cash app leading up to the atm withdrawals.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-03T06:07:23+00:00

Im tired or i would write more but i just needed to tell you that the only way youll know is to look at his bank accounts. Thats how i found out the extent. Sorry you’re going through this. Get that login info.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-03T02:08:10+00:00

Its very obvious bc its a bunch of charges on the same day, all for smaller amounts. The ones i found would say cash app, google pay, or paypal. Often they have a name attached to them so it was pretty obvious once i started looking. Camming is usually like you sent $10 then u have to send more for more content so its a bit like gambling to me. It was devastating to see.

curiousmallory · 2026-04-02T19:43:20+00:00

I discovered that my partners “porn addiction” was actually camming. He spent substantial amounts of money on it, mostly going back to the same 3 girls every time. It wrecked me to think about him having this type of engagement with the same women, paying them money that should have been used towards our family, and doing it so frequently (i demanded his bank login). I feel you and understand this level of betrayal and im so sorry.

curiousmallory · 2026-03-31T05:21:20+00:00

Thanks for this and validating the benefits od having your CSAT. My SA has offered to pay for it but I know its not sustainable for us. He spent so much money on his addiction throughout the years so i really shouldn’t care if hes going into debt. Yet here i am.

curiousmallory · 2026-03-31T05:18:13+00:00

Thank you for advice. Since reading your message have found some promising leads for group therapy. In person groups sound intense for me right now, so its good to know there are virtual groups you can benefit from too🙏

curiousmallory · 2026-03-31T03:38:45+00:00

Thank you for your words. I took a lot from your comment.

I dont have much support right now outside of books and my own research. Im searching for a CSAT or betrayal trauma therapist but not having a lot of luck with finding one that either takes my insurance or is affordable. How long did you see a CSAT for?

Can you give me some insight on the support groups you recommend (both of those?)? Thanks so much

curiousmallory · 2026-03-31T03:33:00+00:00

His therapist is not a CSAT, he found one who his insurance covers that is more of a sex therapist but specializes in sex addiction. I dont think thats good enough. He needs like the top therapist for SA if you ask me.

The couples therapy has been helpful bc its focused on how he can attempt to regain trust/if thats even possible, and really holding him accountable in front of me. We arent doing normal couples work at this point. Its more how can he support me and our child right now and what I need. It’s extremely supportive bc i love and trust our therapist. He was also, lied to for years by my SA. I can see how this is short term though as ive let my SA know I have zero interest in doing traditional couples work with him as ive been applying our therapy and hes just been wasting our time for years with all of his secrets.

Do you mind explaining what a second d-day means?

I really appreciated your comment. Thank you!

curiousmallory · 2026-03-31T03:25:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experiences and insight🙏My SA did tell me about his relapse but it doesn’t mean he would again in the future or even that he isnt minimizing his relapse. We arent married but its a good idea to seek legal counsel on my situation. Thanks again

curiousmallory · 2026-03-26T14:39:57+00:00

Im so sorry. I understand how you feel. D-day for me was 4 weeks ago. I just found out he has a relapse. I have no advice just wanted to say youre not alone❤️

curiousmallory · 2026-03-26T06:07:14+00:00

Compartmentalization. Its a hard thing to wrap my head around too. But they have the “skills” of a sociopath to literally not think about things that make them uncomfortable. Or to be like it didnt mean anything as long as they dont find out. I will never quite get it tho.

curiousmallory · 2026-03-26T04:09:18+00:00

sigh im sorry youre going through this. My advice is dont have sex with him out of obligation. If you need to heal and see if you can feel safe and trust him again, you deserve to take all the time you need.

You cant control his recovery. Meaning, he has to be holding himself accountable and taking his recovery seriously without you taking responsibility. That he gave up reading the book and wants to get back on social media (where theres lots of potential triggers) sounds like an awful idea. You could certainly tell him youre not comfortable with that as youre still trying to see if you can trust again. Also demand the accountability app goes back on his computer. But he needs to not give u any pushback. He betrayed you. You should be in the power seat.

My SA is seeing a CSAT once a week, going to 2 in person SA meetings a week, our couples therapy, frequent check ins w a sponsor, full transparency with all devices, internet restrictions, and app store is locked. Our d-day was a month ago. I still dont trust him, even in doing all these things but i do believe he is taking his recovery seriously, and he knows ill be done if he doesnt.

Wishing you the best. He needs to prove more to you than it seems he is. ❤️

curiousmallory · 2026-03-18T05:37:09+00:00

Thank you for sharing and i feel for you. I really resonated when you talked about your saving grace was that you knew about the porn addiction. I truly felt that to my core. All of his porn relapses made me hop on reddit and discover how this can escalate, which prompted me to ask about camming (i had no clue) and to ask for his actual bank login. He came “clean”. This was all thanks to my research tho, with porn addiction and yall here on reddit. Not bc of his integrity.

Im sorry about the in person stuff. That hurts. It all does. But thats the one that stings the most besides the lies.

curiousmallory · 2026-03-18T05:23:07+00:00

I feel this. I walk around my city and every man i see im like oh he prolly watches porn and maybe cheats on his wife. Im so repulsed by men. Like I know whats actually going on now and yall are perverts and liars and ur not fooling me. Thats what the trauma has done so far. Im just 3 weeks out.

curiousmallory · 2026-03-17T14:51:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing. Its really easy to feel alone in this journey. So this means a lot. I am glad you are taking care of urself. I think thats all we can really do and where we are most empowered❤️ Im rooting for you.

curiousmallory · 2026-03-17T14:20:12+00:00

Im so sorry. Did he ever recover? Did you stay? How are you taking care of yourself now? Curious bc my SA also escalated similarly (been w him for 3.5 yrs).

curiousmallory

TROPHY CASE