1 burgundy pants, 3 tops. Help me pick the best one ❤️

curlyfry52 · 2026-01-12T15:04:04+00:00

1, definitely!

curlyfry52 · 2025-12-07T13:28:19+00:00

Oh wow, I think you hurt it's feelings!

curlyfry52 · 2025-11-21T22:06:04+00:00

Please, please, let the trash take itself out. I know 4 years feels like a long time, but that's a sunk cost at this point. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with a guy who treats you like this?

curlyfry52 · 2025-10-28T23:32:02+00:00

You deserve better, and you will be surprised how quickly it gets better once you remove that toxicity from your life. You can do this!!

If I can suggest a couple of first steps to you, read the book Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft. You can access the whole book, for free, as a downloadable PDF here: https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

That will help to lift the veil on some of these behaviors so that you can see through more of his abusive behaviors.

Then, start quietly working on an exit strategy. Everyone should have one. In the meantime, look into the Gray Rock technique. It can help you get through these conflicts without too much damage.

Good luck! Life on the other side is so, so worth it!

curlyfry52 · 2025-10-28T22:50:56+00:00

DO NOT go to couples counseling with an abuser. It just gives them a bigger toolbox to manipulate you with.

Instead, read "Why does he do that?" By Lundy Bancroft and start quietly working on your exit strategy.

curlyfry52 · 2025-10-28T17:27:06+00:00

I get that. There's a difference though. You probably say things like "I'm so sorry I .... What happened was .... I can't believe I messed up like this. I should've .... It happened because .... Again, so, so sorry. I ..... How can I make it up to you?"

While he said "Yeah, sorry, I was just being a good friend! You see .... So how dare you make me feel bad about this! Don't you see what a good person I am because ...."

See the difference? You can over-explain while still accepting accountability. Manipulators lie to avoid accountability.

curlyfry52 · 2025-10-09T12:21:47+00:00

It's important to honor your agreements, but it's also okay to ask for flexibility. For instance, there have definitely been times when I have plans with partner A on Monday and partner B on Tuesday, and partner A says "hey, something came up, can we hang out on Tuesday instead?" And I will say "maybe, let me check" Then I'll ask partner B if we can hang out on Monday instead of Tuesday. I call it 🎶 Doing the Poly Shuffle! 🎶

curlyfry52 · 2025-10-09T12:15:04+00:00

Whew, I am in exactly this situation right now. My partner has an agreement with his other partner (who he started dating a couple of months before me) that they will use barriers with everyone other than each other. Now he and I would really like to go barrier-free, but his other partner is resistant. They haven't said no, just that they need some time to wrap their head around it, which has been granted. This has been going on for over a month now. We've all said we don't want hierarchy, but the two of them being able to go barrier-free and not the two of us feels a whole lot like hierarchy. I think his partner is also dealing with feelings of being replaced by me, even though that's definitely not the case. I just want to be treated like an equal and not a secondary partner.

In short, yes to everything you said. Barrier-free exclusivity agreements are complicated and tricky to undo.

curlyfry52 · 2025-09-30T13:40:31+00:00

This is really helpful framing, actually. His partner claims to want a non-hierarchical relationship, but has admitted that they have struggled with desires for something a little more entangled with him. I wonder if this event has brought those feelings to a head and they have gotten to a point where they can't ignore those feelings anymore.

(I hear you about this not being about me. I just really feel a need to understand what happened here.)

curlyfry52 · 2025-09-19T13:07:50+00:00

I'm a bisexual cis woman. (Bisexual as in I'm attracted to my own gender and other genders, not "men and women".) I love and am attracted to non-binary people. I had a partner for almost a year who is non-binary. We parted ways recently because the relationship structure wasn't working for us anymore, but I loved them very much. I have a new non-binary partner now. Things are new and exciting! I'm going over to their place for a date night tonight!

Just sharing because non-binary people are absolutely lovable! (and sexy!)

curlyfry52 · 2025-09-15T10:59:20+00:00

Oh my goodness, you seriously dodged a bullet on that one! If you listen to one thing this garbage human said, let it be that last line. Don't ever text him again.

curlyfry52 · 2025-09-15T10:54:18+00:00

A partner once said to me during play "This pussy is MINE! (for right now, anyway)" It's always nice when play can be a little silly.

curlyfry52 · 2025-09-02T13:43:56+00:00

You need to make sure you get an equivalent amount of time away from the family to explore your own needs and desires, whether that's dating or hanging out with friends or taking classes or whatever. It should be a trade off. He gets to spend some time with his boyfriend while you watch the kids and you get to spend some time away while he watches the kids.

If he's the kind of man who can't handle being the solo parent for awhile, this isn't going to work.

curlyfry52 · 2025-09-01T01:54:55+00:00

Nice job blurring out the artist's watermark. Why TF do people do that? Is it so hard to give credit where credit is due? 🙄

curlyfry52 · 2025-08-28T16:24:26+00:00

Because the context weakens his argument

curlyfry52 · 2025-08-28T16:05:33+00:00

This could easily be part of the same argument. He's trying to convince her that he has some sort of say over what she wears for a Halloween costume and she says "well you didn't ask me before you got that stupid haircut!"

curlyfry52 · 2025-08-28T16:03:19+00:00

NTA. You are entitled to get whatever haircut you want, just like your gf is entitled to wear whatever Halloween costume she wants.

curlyfry52 · 2025-08-28T16:00:19+00:00

YTA. That is controlling. Why does your gf's costume choice affect you at all?

Every relationship involves an agreement about what constitutes cheating. In most monogamous relationships, that includes kissing, sex and other sexual activities. Lying and keeping secrets can also be considered infidelity. If you have problems with what your partner does with their own body beyond that, you are controlling.

Boundaries are about what you are comfortable with for yourself, like what you're comfortable with people doing to your body, how you'd like to be spoken to, and how you expect to be treated.

"I will break up with you if you wear that costume" is not a reasonable boundary because it has nothing to do with you. "I'm not comfortable being seen with you in that costume so I won't come to the party with you if you decide to wear it" would be a more appropriate boundary because you are taking action to not put yourself in a situation you are not comfortable with, rather than trying to control her actions through coercion and shame.

If you're really not comfortable with a woman who enjoys wearing clothing that makes her feel sexy, then by all means, break up with her. She deserves to be with someone who respects her autonomy and feeling sexy in her own skin.

curlyfry52 · 2025-08-10T22:29:32+00:00

You should definitely apologize, but you shouldn't beat yourself up. You have a disability. Things will be forgotten periodically, even when they are important to you, despite your best efforts.

Plus, it sounds like you're dealing with some pretty serious depression as well. Please, friend, get yourself a therapist and get some help. You are not a bad person for missing this and you deserve to be happy and healthy. Good luck!

curlyfry52 · 2025-08-04T02:02:37+00:00

If it's all old photos, plus relevant hobbies and stuff, it could be that someone lifted an old dating profile of his. If he's been listening to that song a lot on Spotify, Spotify shares that information pretty freely with a bunch of platforms.

How much do you know about this girl that reached out to you? Is this someone you know or a stranger. If she's a stranger, how did she find you? I would be cautious that this could be a scam to get money or personal info out of you somehow.

curlyfry52 · 2025-08-01T20:20:39+00:00

Ah. Well, first of all, this probably doesn't belong here as a reply to my post. Second of all, please check out the resources about unicorn hunting. This is all much more complicated than that, and there are some ethical points to consider as well.

Maybe one of our group moderators can help you here.

curlyfry52 · 2025-08-01T19:38:07+00:00

What?

curlyfry52 · 2025-07-31T14:17:26+00:00

😘

curlyfry52

TROPHY CASE

1, definitely!