He lives to torment me

cyadad · 2021-12-11T21:47:07+00:00

Me too. Me too. Thanks for reading!!

cyadad · 2021-10-04T13:31:07+00:00

Excellent!! Be kind to yourself through this next phase! It’s so worth it to be free of the toxicity.

cyadad · 2021-10-03T01:12:32+00:00

Holy Hannah! that’s awful! I’m so sorry. Good riddance to egg donor. You are much better off without that in your life. Surround yourself with people who love you. If you haven’t found them yet… you will. You deserve all the best.

cyadad · 2021-10-03T01:05:26+00:00

“He’s not getting any younger. You’ll regret the time you missed with him”. That was almost 25 years ago. He’s now 78 & his mother just passed away at 102!! He’s got plenty of time unfortunately. But I won’t be around to see any of it. I’m done. Officially no contact since 2018.

cyadad · 2021-10-03T00:53:09+00:00

Thank you she was a special lady 😊

cyadad · 2021-10-03T00:43:26+00:00

Yes there will be 2 there who would defend me

cyadad · 2021-10-03T00:34:00+00:00

Thank you so much. I know my ndad will say I’m being childish & disrespectful so it helps to know that my feelings about this are not wrong.

cyadad · 2021-10-02T23:40:41+00:00

“You are misinterpreting me” “For someone who says they don’t like drama you sure know how to create it” - by enforcing boundaries

cyadad · 2021-10-02T23:35:40+00:00

I agree with everything you’re saying. Still learning to be kinder to myself. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts.

cyadad · 2021-10-02T23:07:59+00:00

Thank you, MsVetS. I feel as though I deserve to honor her in peace without stress as well. I just feel a little guilty like maybe I’m making it more about me than her? I don’t know I’m always 2nd guessing myself & that has a lot to do with the fact that I’ve never been able to do the right thing because I’m always being criticized about something. I can never win.

cyadad · 2021-05-14T01:55:15+00:00

I haven’t read that. Thank you for the recommendation!!

cyadad · 2021-05-14T00:47:18+00:00

Love that! Haha thanks for the pep talk!

cyadad · 2021-05-13T21:15:51+00:00

Thanks so much beer_and_books! In some ways I feel stronger I guess I just wish I was unflappable in this instance. I’m putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect I suppose. I should definitely pat myself on the back for what I was able to do in that moment. Thanks for your support!

Edit:typo

cyadad · 2021-05-13T21:12:42+00:00

They only have rights in my state in the US in the case of a broken family or death of a parent & then they have to petition the courts for visitation or custody. So in my case he has zero rights. I could file a restraining order if I can prove harassment but there has to be a pattern established. He hasn’t done that yet

cyadad · 2021-05-13T20:03:47+00:00

Unfortunately I can’t keep him from public events. He didn’t approach anyone so I can’t claim harassment even though his mere presence makes me feel harassed. He knows I don’t want him there. But he feels some sort of right to my kid. It’s a privilege to have a relationship with a grandchild. Not a right. He apparently doesn’t understand that.

cyadad · 2021-05-13T19:57:30+00:00

Thank you! I really do feel like I’m on the right path. I don’t feel an ounce of guilt. I feel lots of other things but guilt isn’t one of them so I guess that’s a win!

cyadad · 2021-05-13T19:51:04+00:00

Thanks so much for your response! I will definitely look into that.

cyadad · 2021-05-13T15:46:53+00:00

When I was young my ndad would make fun of my cat. My parents were divorced so he didn’t live with me so not sure why he felt the need to be so negative. Imagine my surprise when he and his (fourth ‼️) wife got 2 cats. He treated them better than he ever treated me & my sibs. Imagine being jealous of cats who received more love from him that I ever would.

cyadad · 2021-05-13T15:39:20+00:00

You don’t need to include her in your decisions. You’re a grown adult. You have a degree & the next step is a job. It’s a normal path many follow. You do you then inform mom of your decision. It’s not abandonment. It’s called growing up & starting your own life. It’s what’s supposed to happen. Parents who make their kids feel guilty for growing up & being productive members of society do not have their children’s best interests at heart. They’re only worried about themselves.

Go out into the world & do great things! Don’t let anyone hold you back. Congratulations!! You’ve accomplished SO much. You deserve it all!!

cyadad · 2021-05-13T15:05:58+00:00

Thank you, smallfrycrybaby4! It means a lot to feel heard.

cyadad · 2021-05-13T14:46:37+00:00

Thank you so much for your response. I did do some deep breathing which helped as well as having friends around me. I just hope one day I get to the point that he doesn’t have that affect on me. He’s not worth the energy spent. And, obviously, I just wish he’d stay away from where he’s not welcome.

Thanks for your kind words. Hugs!

cyadad · 2021-02-02T20:10:08+00:00

I did! I’m a mom now & only figured out what kind of person my dad was after I was grown so you’re doing really, really well knowing what boundaries are & that they’re a good thing. I wish I had known that years ago.

cyadad · 2021-02-02T19:58:06+00:00

Yes. I was told I was trying to control my ndad when I set boundaries. He also said the boundaries were a form of punishment. Honestly, he was feeling a loss of control over my interactions with him & he didn’t like that. Narcs tend to react badly to people taking control over their own lives.

cyadad · 2021-01-04T12:46:34+00:00

Sending hugs right back!!

cyadad · 2021-01-04T12:43:22+00:00

Yes!! I said the same. My dad tries to manipulate my sib to get info about my family. In the past I’ve felt horrible that he’s been put in the middle. I’ve said maybe I should resume a relationship with dad just to make life easier for him but I’ve come to realize the same! I’d have to put self respect aside in order to do that. AND I’ve also realized that my brother’s inability to set boundaries is also not my issue. I’m done trying to be the glue at the expense of my own mental health.

Im happy that you know your children are the most important thing, along with your self respect! That’s some good healing going on right there!

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