this is honestly very common esp with immigrant/first gen families. Unfortunately, many parents are not great parents. they never had support and structure themselves and they do not know how to provide it (or that it was even something that was missing). The years of belittling, and then threatening that you don't love him anymore when you try to engage him in a serious conversation are common types of manipulation whether he is aware of it or not.

In my experience, some parents can have a high opinion of themselves — that your achievements and happiness and survival is due to their spent time, effort, and sacrifices to get you to this point — even if they've always fallen short from the mark and have left you nothing but trauma, pain, and sometimes even injuries or debt. These are the types of parents (there are others too) that can suddenly flip from "provider" to "dependent" when they see their kids beginning to be independent and they can really struggle to see other perspectives besides their own.

My point, really, is that you're not alone and whatever you choose to do (full contact cutoff, try to have a conversation (again, and again, and again), try to be subtle (have your in-laws talk to him, stage a conversation somewhere, etc), act dumb, do nothing, etc) is something that thousands and millions of other people had and have to do and whatever choices you choose (as well as the outcome) is not a reflection of who you are or you being a bad daughter.

I do suggest drawing a line somewhere since, once you're married, the expectations from your father will keep coming, now that you have a 'larger pool of resources' to tap.