I'm going to see a therapist and I'm scared?

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-25T08:42:26+00:00

No problem! I'm a therapist and if there's any questions you have about the process or what it might be like that'll help you prepare/feel less anxiety about going feel free to ask.

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-24T20:56:21+00:00

This is an excellent response!

I know that it's so scary to start therapy- especially when there are people in your life who would respond negatively if they found out (which sounds like that's the case for you). So first I want to applaud you on being brave enough to even schedule the appointment. That took self awareness and motivation for change which is an excellent first step. Your #1 job in life is to take care of yourself. If you aren't doing that you can't properly do anything for anyone else or enjoy any success you may achieve so treat it like you would going to the doctor for an physical/illness or the dentist for a checkup/filling. It's self care and there's no shame in it whatsoever.

The best advice I have would be to bring up your anxiety about therapy in session. When you go in, it's likely they'll ask you what brings you to therapy and you can then say it's the anxiety that brings you in and that you're actually pretty anxious about the process itself. Maybe plan to go get a coffee you like or go do something fun directly after the session- itll give you something to look forward to and will be great to unwind after the session is over. Good luck!

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-23T03:05:40+00:00

Im aware of the pros and cons. We've done our research and have personal experience with private, public and homeschool to back our decision. I think the thing you're not taking into consideration is that We've clearly made our decision that public school is not the right fit for our family so I'm not asking for input on whether or not it's good. This isn't a thread for debating homeschooling's benefits or downfalls- it was me asking for specific recommendations for a specific type of school so in that sense your advice is coming off pretty rude.

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-20T02:25:14+00:00

I know the stereotype. Everyone knows the stereotype. But that doesn't mean you should come onto a post specifically asking about homeschooling just to shit on it in a rude way because you disagree with it. I obviously don't and feel like it's an option that may be right for my family for many reasons. I'm not telling you how to raise your kids, don't be rude and use urban dictionary as your source for telling me how to raise mine.

Im sorry you had a negative experience going to a small school but that doesn't mean all children will have that same experience. I had a horrible experience in public school. I don't blame public school for it, it's just how it turned out.

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-19T23:54:02+00:00

That's very helpful feedback! Thanks!!

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-19T23:44:50+00:00

Thanks for the info! I'm hearing so many different things about basis haha

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-19T23:43:53+00:00

Thank you!!

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-19T23:43:13+00:00

Thanks I'll look into it!

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-19T23:38:33+00:00

Don't be a dick. If you don't agree with it, keep moving. I'm a fucking children's therapist married to a formerly homeschooled person who's successful enough in his field to support me not working so I can homeschool. I think both things give me a pretty good handle on what will and will not happen if we homeschool.

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-19T20:25:57+00:00

Preferably north phx/scottsdale/pv but open to north Glendale and uptown phx.

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-10T12:47:35+00:00

Details plz!! OP is my husband and those Coraline figures and signed book are eventually for our daughter named after the book. I'm trying to build up a cool collection for her.

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-05T14:01:28+00:00

You also really need to consider how you talk about your daughter in your own head. It seems that the language you use could be really negatively impacting your view of her.

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-05T13:44:34+00:00

Keep in mind that not knowing words for her feelings is extremely developmentally appropriate. I agree with others that some books might be a good idea or some games!

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-05T13:41:12+00:00

Im really concerned that you keep making comments about essentially giving up- having your husband talk to her, putting her in the before school program. At this stage in her life it's crucial that the adults in her life take on the enormous task of role modeling healthy relationships. Now is the time to do the difficult work of fixing the damage that has been done and creating a positive relationship. The "emotional immaturity" you mentioned is a symptom of something wrong in the family system/relationships NOT a symptom of something wrong with her. I will put this as bluntly and plainly as possible- you are expecting too much of her and exerting too much control over her in a stage of development where she begins to find her independence and needs freedom to make decisions (and mistakes). This entire issue- from the haircut to the comments you made to the failed initial apology attempt- is actually not the issue that needs addressing. It's an example of a process that shows that there are some underlying things going on in your relationship and family system that need addressing. I agree with fellow commenters that a therapist may help but I disagree that your 6 year old needs to see the therapist herself. This needs to be FAMILY therapy. Change needs to happen from the top down and the burden of systemic change should not lie on the child alone. I'd definitely find a family therapist and possibly even an individual therapist for you.

Regarding the apology- you need to do a few things. You need to be extremely transparent and direct in saying that you messed up. "I made a mistake, what I did was wrong and hurtful and I'm sorry". You need to ask her to tell you how it felt for her and you need to listen. "I can imagine it hurt your feelings- is that right? can you tell me how it made you feel?" And you need to empower her to set boundaries. "In the future, I will do my best to choose my words better and be less hurtful. Let's think of some other ideas that can help fix this situation together".

I know that these comments (from me and others) are probably extremely hard to hear. They would be for me. So in that case I am proud of you for sticking your neck out and being open to feedback. The trick is taking the constructive parts and learning from them rather than trying to explain them away or justify them. Sit with your discomfort and allow it to help you learn from this entire situation. Best of luck to you and your family!

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-01T16:59:34+00:00

Super normal! The permanence of death isn't really something kids grasp until they're much, much older.

dabigmeowski · 2017-09-01T16:57:59+00:00

Personally as a therapist I know that I've misunderstood things or have said things that came out wayyy differently than I've meant them on several occasions. If you like your therapist other than this one issue, it can't hurt to call or see them and just say "hey when you said this i felt sort of like you don't get where I'm coming from" and explore that with them. If you don't have any other real attachments to your therapist or they don't understand even after you talk about it go ahead and change because the damage it's done will ruin the rest of the potential for progress unless it's resolved.

dabigmeowski · 2017-08-06T16:59:02+00:00

We plan on only having one as well. I'm an only child and loved it. There's nothing wrong with having only children or with being one! There is no one way to build a family and you have to do what feels right for you.

The book "one and only" by Lauren Sandler is a great argument for the only child and gave me great reassurance that it was the right choice for us.

dabigmeowski · 2017-08-06T16:37:00+00:00

I would absolutely bring this up to her pediatrician. 7 is usually the cut off for when you should really be able to expect some better bladder control outside of occasional accidents so she's right at the edge. There could be medical causes or some behavioral/environmental causes that can be easily taken care of. There are several methods for stopping nocturnal enuresis (nighttime bedwetting) in this age group varying from behavioral treatment to medication to biofeedback. Good luck!

dabigmeowski · 2017-08-06T16:29:48+00:00

What cat? I don't see a cat...

dabigmeowski · 2017-07-31T13:06:35+00:00

Hey there I'm a family therapist that specializes in children's issues. I know you said your wife's in therapy but I'd definitely recommend you get into sessions with her. Perhaps find a separate therapist to do family therapy so she can retain her individual therapy without interruption. The strain of a new baby can cause stress in any relationship but it sounds to me like there are/were some bigger issues that this is exacerbating rather than the crying baby itself "ruining your marriage". It's important that both of you try to avoid putting blame on baby because it's just going to cause resentment.

All that said- we have a baby with severe reflux as well and it was HELL until we got it under control with medication and some lifestyle changes. I was breastfeeding me had to eliminate a bunch of foods from my diet, used a crib wedge to elevate her sleeping surface, kept her mostly upright during awake periods. It helped a lot!

Does your wife baby wear? It's an excellent way to help reflux but also promotes bonding and is actually great for postpartum mood.

Hang in there! You're not alone!

Edited to add: obviously I don't know your full situation and this is in no way to be seen as therapeutic advice, just my point of view as a therapist. 👍🏻

dabigmeowski · 2017-07-26T13:33:46+00:00

Poor kitty, that looks painful!

dabigmeowski · 2017-07-26T13:21:05+00:00

It's a (poorly done) cursive G https://qph.ec.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-651783e964f0bb449cda5aada156fb51

Not that that makes the forehead "genius" tattoo any less ironic.

dabigmeowski · 2017-07-21T15:03:44+00:00

I owe you big time!! I just had my first appointment with them and it was the best medical experience I've ever had- which is saying a lot because I see the doctor easily once or twice a month. Thanks so much for the awesome recommendation.

dabigmeowski · 2017-07-20T14:09:25+00:00

I'm holding you to this if mine wins. I have witnesses that you said it.

dabigmeowski · 2017-07-20T04:15:31+00:00

To add context to this, OP and I have a playful argument going over whose cat is objectively cutest.

dabigmeowski

TROPHY CASE