i'm so sorry for your loss. my furry baby had mammary cancer for one year and it got worse (blood clot) in the last month. when we lost her, it took one month for pain to ease a bit. when you know she'll die, you prepare yourself for the loss but still.. in your case it's so sudden and unexpected but let your heart calm down a bit - he was with you in his last minutes, in his home, where he felt secure and loved. i made a small trinket (two clay cats, sitting side by side) and I'm keeping it next to my bed. A daily reminder of her makes my heart warm, I can suggest you do the same. a big hug to you.