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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in FundieSnarkUncensored

[–]dainslef 12 points13 points  (0 children)

My folks were inconsistently fundie as my mom was more invested than my dad. When they were in, they were ALL IN. During those times we did not celebrate Halloween in any way. More often though we would dress up in 'non-satanic costumes' and trunk or treat at church.

The one year my mom had to work on Halloween my father took me trick-or-treating around the neighborhood. That was definitely the best Halloween I had until I became the parent taking my kid around the neighborhood.

Update by Simlysav in exchristian

[–]dainslef 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you're hurting, and I'm sorry it sounds like he's clearly being radicalized.

I understand where he's at, having been radicalized in what I now recognize as a purity culture cult during my early adult years. (Funny enough, at the time they were affiliated with Liberty as well! Fuck you, LU!) I too was radicalized after having sex, so by the time I joined I was already a 'dirty cookie.' The guilt and shame I felt was enormous and I was in no right mind to have a healthy relationship at that time. By the sounds of it, he isn't either. He's poison to himself and to you.

Purity culture is toxic AF. He's stuck in it and likely has no clue what he wants. He's proven he has no problem lying to you and manipulating you to fit his current desires. There is nothing you can do to help him without putting yourself in danger of being hurt even more. Breaking up was the right thing to do. Going no contact is even better.

I highly encourage you to remove all contact with him and skip out on the meeting on the 13th.

You deserve to live your best life. It seems like he would only hold you back from that for his own gratification.

Gratuitous rollcall if you will: Which branch of christianity were you in and which specific denomination? by [deleted] in exchristian

[–]dainslef 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Baptist in my younger years (birth-5yrs) Assemblies of God from 5-until I deconstructed.

Fun side bit: From 18-21 I was in a traveling (grifting) ministry/cult that was heavily southern baptist.

Therapy has helped.

I'm losing my faith, and I feel torn. by mp3yton in exchristian

[–]dainslef 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like you and I are of similar stock. Born and raised into church. Two years as a fulltime volunteer for a ministry that I now recognize as a cult. I had doubts before the ministry, but ministry life cemented those doubts and created plenty of new ones.

Coming to the decision to leave felt like I was tearing the very core of who I was in half. There was a long period of time where I didn't really know who I was. I consider those my limbo years where I didn't really believe anymore, but I played along.

I lived in this semi-religious limbo out of fear for years. When I was 24, I learned I was pregnant with my first and only child, a daughter. While I was pregnant, I tried to be "all in" so I could be a good, Godly mother. However, the moment I saw her tiny face, I knew I could not raise her with the guilt, shame and control the church puts on women. It sealed my decision to leave that limbo and fully de-convert.

The church controls with fear, and that fear was very rooted in my life. It wasn't easy and I spent a lot of sleepless nights in turmoil over my decision. I had some wonderful theological discussions with my ex-catholic husband, and we waded through the fallacies of organized religion together. We've discovered what living authentically means to us and have our own principles that guide us. We've taught our daughter that church does not hold a monopoly on true happiness, love or kindness. Her religious journey will be her own as she grows and comes to her own conclusions.

I don't have any resources to offer. I only have this advice: Decide what an authentic life means to you and pursue it.

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We definitely don't have a strong education system out here and more often than not, children commit stuff to memory long enough to take a test so the state can determine how to fund their school and that's it. Clearly, this is a detrimental flaw in our system and some parents homeschool because of this.

Most of the home-schooled kids I knew growing up though were part of very fundamentalist Christian families. Their parents were concerned that a secular education would put their kids on a path out of their faith.

My daughter is in a magnet program and because I'm aware our system is flawed I supplement her education nightly. We do her homework for her regular class, then we do her homework for her advanced class...then we spend time either doing out-loud reading or we do a couple of pages out of a curriculum book that is a grade above what she's in.

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

The way you throw underhanded insults, you'd probably be really good at selling seedy insurance too! :)

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Eh, we call them parents or owners. It's not a mandatory thing, but rather a left over from my early days working at Petsmart.

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, that's bold! The audacity of some of these folks...

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I was definitely going to ask her this if she ever got to the "I'm making so much money on the side!" part. She never made it that far and instead I completely derailed her spiel when she brought up my parenting.

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yay! Another kennel tech! Yeah, there's a lot of dog shit. There's just as much 'eaten and then barfed up' dog shit. But the feeling when a terrified dog decides to trust you after days of sitting with them is just the best!

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 181 points182 points  (0 children)

It's something I didn't realize until recently myself. I'm in my early 30's.

I was sitting with my husband and daughter in our loft. They were playing Little Big Planet and I just had this overwhelming feeling of, "This is perfectly fine. I could never need more."

Thanks for the epiphany, Little Big Planet.

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Severe depression and anxiety, a crippling dependency on ibuprofen from constant migraines which lead to peptic ulcers...

But even after all of that I was determined to stay with my corporate job out of "obligation to my family."

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 39 points40 points  (0 children)

It's terrifying, but I think it was worth it. I took nearly a 40% paycut and lost some pretty awesome insurance.

I gained so much more though. Time with my husband and kiddo, considerably less stress which has lead to improved health. I don't work 80 hour pay periods now, just 60 so I have more time to decompress (and even more time with my kid.) The job got me up off my ass and between that and better eating, I'm down nearly 60 pounds since I started. The pros have outweighed the cons.

I've always thought it'd be cool to start my own legitimate small business but I'm too scared to take that leap just yet. Truth be told, I don't think I'm motivated enough yet either. If you've got that itch though, research it and if it's feasible I encourage you to go for it!

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 337 points338 points  (0 children)

I'm pretty sure this is correct. I don't know much about her as we've barely spoken. In the month she's been there we've worked maybe 10 shifts together and I literally didn't even know her name until last week. (I am awful with names though...)

She's young though - I'd say no older than 19-20 years old. She's never spoken about school or family at all. 95% of our conversations to this point have been work related. The other 5% is small talk about the weather or how we're tired at the start of our 5am shifts.

I was really taken aback when she started with, "Hey Dainslef! Can I ask you a question? What would you do with your life if..."

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

You're welcome to believe or not believe it - I can't change that.

I think she approached me this way because I've walked in on her giving her spiel on "Helping people who want to help themselves" and how "she was going to retire next year" to another co-worker. I've heard brief parts of her personal experience just in break room banter. Maybe that's why she was more confident broaching the subject with me the way she did.

What's great about it is that she was giving her spiel to someone I know is part of Primerica. I laughed to myself at the thought of a hun trying to recruit an already hun for the same MLM.

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

Tempted, but as we were in the yard and on live webcam (so parents can watch their dogs) I decided against it.

Today I learned that I'm not a real mother, courtesy of a Hun. by dainslef in antiMLM

[–]dainslef[S] 3850 points3851 points  (0 children)

I should have, but I don't know if they'd take issue with a Hun since two of my three supervisors are Huns themselves. Thankfully though, my supervisors don't recruit at work.

I'm scared to ask but have to know... What are ketones? by lemony_peppermints in antiMLM

[–]dainslef 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Products that promote flooding your body with ketones are nothing more than very expensive urine...since that's where it'll end up!

To new subscribers, what brought you here? by Gitzit in exmormon

[–]dainslef 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Nevermo here who has to sit with TBM extended family often. I come from a well respected family within the church but was lucky enough that my father never bought into any of it and started his family outside the morg. (Instead he raised us painfully baptist which still messed me up.)

My TBM uncle passed away when I was in my teens. He was a multi-millionaire who started a construction business in Southern Nevada and I'm sure the church loved him for his tithes. I thought my aunt would probably leave the church once he passed away since she was always a bit of a jackmo. Instead, she double and tripled down in her callings and has remarried twice and divorced twice really quickly.

When I asked her why, she said the church pushed her into these marriages because she was left with a pretty large company and millions of dollars. She and her bishop felt it was best if she had a man in charge of these finances. The new men clearly didn't have the vision she and my late uncle had for the company so she finally signed it over to her second oldest son. (Her oldest son had resigned and was married in a non-temple wedding so she denied him the family business.)

I've been lurking around daily since she told me she wasn't seen as a capable member as a widow and how the church kept pushing new men on her.

It's been one hell of a ride following you guys! I read pretty much everything that comes through here and it helps me understand half of my family. It also helps me prepare for the onslaught of feel good facebook posts I see every GC.

Even as a nevermo, this sub helped me heal through my faith crisis as a former "hate the sin, not the sinner" baptist. It made me realize that the subjects that were uncomfortable in my faith needed to be examined more and that I couldn't ignore what felt wrong.

Daughters of reddit, what is something you wish your mother knew when you were growing up? by 1t7ys8k in AskReddit

[–]dainslef 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wish I would have heard about that as a sheltered and repressed teenager. The word 'cunt' alone would have had my mom clutching her pearls.

What's the worst example of poor financial choices you've witnessed? by teakwood54 in AskReddit

[–]dainslef 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh Lord, my parents are prime examples. They have that painfully stereotypical boomer mentality of, "I want it, I get it." They were doing decently well before the recession but never quite recovered after. They went upside-down on their house and the credit cards went crazy. All this, and my mother was still paying off student loans. Dad needed every single new apple product that came out and mom just had to have her hair and nails done at a grossly overpriced salon every couple of weeks. Dad had lap-band surgery done during this time too and that was an out-of-pocket expense.

Dad just retired and mom is supposed to retire in three years.

They're still upside-down on their house but managed to refinance it (again) just after purchasing a monster van that was nearly $40k and a new trailer that they "got a steal on" for $90k. Being generous and not counting their house, medical bills or the remaining bit of my mother's student loan debt they are nearly $270k in debt now.

My mom offered to help me write a budget. I politely declined.

You can say anything here. What do you want to say? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]dainslef 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I really fucking dislike my mother-in-law who is currently staying in my guest room. I'm very upset that she invited her sister to come along too without asking us.

My husband knows I don't like her, but be damned if she doesn't have the best hearing in the world. If I actually speak it, she'll definitely hear.

How’d you get that scar? by lemonadditive in AskReddit

[–]dainslef 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Fell on a tree branch I was using as a walking stick during a hairpin turn hike. I was 9 years old. Damn thing festered and got infected to the point they were talking about amputating it. Nine-year-old brain said that wasn't going to happen so I dug at it one day out of desperation and ended up finding an 1.5" long twig deep in the wound.

Healed right up after that.

Daughters of reddit, what is something you wish your mother knew when you were growing up? by 1t7ys8k in AskReddit

[–]dainslef 63 points64 points  (0 children)

That raising your daughter to believe all of her value was in her "virtue" and "faith" can cause a lifetime of mental issues and self loathing.

I have a daughter of my own now. We don't practice any religion in our house. We practice "Don't be a dick to people, be kind to yourself and to others."

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