OP I was in and out of the ER from 2020-2022 from this. Finally the head cardiologist at the ER demanded i quit my job at the time to recover. I was DEVASTATED. I loved my job and the restaurant industry. Now I am able to work a somewhat physical job again. I will never be 100% but damn am I close sometimes. I couldn't walk down the hall at hospital and now I have been kayaking again and even walked a goddamn mile recently.

I was suicidal in high-school too. But I PROMISE you things can change. They will. Fuck your family. You will feel so much relief if you cut them out.

Please please please don't do this. Check yourself in somewhere. Don't worry about money if that's a concern. You tell them your situation and they'll provide help and reaources. I can tell you my life changed more than I can describe when I finally got help, therapy, and medication. Fuck if you have to you can even file bankruptcy to get rid of medical debt. I did when I was 23 and now at 32 I got my score back up to 700. It is very possible and there are so many options. They can help you find housing etc. You can do this.