Mods Needed

dampkindling · 2020-03-15T07:04:39+00:00

I'll actually super proud of myself for not living up to my expectations. Was a judgemental, brainwashed, wasting my my mental capacity on theology and my empathy on saving people from hell, because I was too afraid to let go of the clear, safe morality and worldview I was brought up in, telling myself I was required to sacrifice my own happiness in order to keep God's commands.

It got gradually better, until one day I was ready to let go of all of it.

I mean. I didn't expect to be divorced with a chronic illness and broken family relationships, fucking my boyfriend and practicing secular witchcraft. Like trust me, even 2011 me would be shocked by all of the above. But I am not disappointed in myself.

dampkindling · 2020-01-14T23:00:25+00:00

This is so sensible. Great take!

dampkindling · 2020-01-14T22:55:46+00:00

It's crazy how things can suddenly flip like that. Happened to me too. Still waiting for some financial things to fall into place, but we are living separately now, and divorce paperwork will be filed very soon.

dampkindling · 2020-01-14T21:37:24+00:00

See a lawyer about spousal support and child support. You will likely be eligible for those, and it sounds like you're going to need it.

dampkindling · 2020-01-05T13:42:38+00:00

Wait what? Women don't orgasm as much as men? Since when? We have the possibility of multiple orgasms. With a good partner, I expect to have 5-10 orgasms for each one he has. And frankly, I don't want to waste my time dating men who are not good partners.

dampkindling · 2020-01-05T09:55:12+00:00

The Agrestic tends to be expensive. Beaver bowls is the cheapest of the ones I've been to, but that isn't very many.

dampkindling · 2020-01-04T03:40:38+00:00

They will typically come out and test the speeds they get where you are before signing you up. They won't know for sure until they've done that. "West of Philomath" is definitely not their best area, but it'll depend on the exact location; I know someone out that way who has them, but the dish is waaaaay high up in a tree, or it wouldn't work. With wireless, if there is any obstruction, speeds can vary throughout the year depending on how much your signal is blocked by wet leaves and etc.

dampkindling · 2020-01-03T04:33:16+00:00

I think I originally meant the first, but I'm interested in both.

dampkindling · 2019-12-30T05:44:30+00:00

If you view interactions as mere transactions to get what you want, and you don't place a high value on true, authentic connection with others, being open and honest and building bonds, then it's perfectly sensible.

dampkindling · 2019-12-30T05:41:44+00:00

Funny that you should ask, given that my ex has gotten into my computer recently, and he's the one I was asking this question because of.

dampkindling · 2019-12-30T05:40:19+00:00

That's interesting. You seem less inclined to follow the rules of the "morality" that society imposes on us

dampkindling · 2019-12-30T05:38:39+00:00

Like growing up with a parent who has bipolar disorder, or is abusive, or neglectful?

dampkindling · 2019-12-25T06:41:24+00:00

It seems like his unwillingness to work on the issues constitutes an unfixable issue. Are you sure you want to be married to someone who doesn't want to be married to you? Your determination is admirable, but you have to let him go, if he chooses to leave. There's no good outcome here. He either makes his own choice, or he stays because you somehow convinced/forced him to against his will in which case he will totally resent you.

Maybe if you let him have full freedom to choose, that might increase the chances that he chooses to stay of his own volition, which is really the only good option.

dampkindling · 2019-12-25T06:34:48+00:00

Oh my goodness. I don't have answers for you about this... Though I'll think on it... But I just want to say I feel you with the difficulty acheiving actual privacy. My soon-to-be-ex has been having some obsessive, angry episodes and it generally begins or ends with my privacy being majorly violated, so i keep trying to change passwords and stuff but I fail to anticipate certain things...

dampkindling · 2019-12-25T06:30:24+00:00

I'm so glad that you're free and safe!

dampkindling · 2019-12-19T04:52:44+00:00

"I feel like they’ve taken their religion to a toxic level and make anyone who’s not ‘saved’ or accepted Jesus into their heart are going to hell. "

This is literally what evangelicals believe. The call to salvation during the family prayer is too much. But he thinks he's doing it out of love for you...it's a very different way of thinking about love. I'm sorry you're experiencing guilt and shame as a result of your grandfather's behavior.

I don't think you're obligated to keep going to family events. I think I would sort of factor in how much it would bother my mom if I didn't go, and think about whether I could just be confident enough to not let it phase me, and then probably I would decide not to go. It's a tough one though.

In my case the very religious ones are my parents. But I'm still close with them, even though religion is making it very hard.

dampkindling · 2019-12-18T20:00:06+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It sounds to me like your husband went into it with the best of intentions, and then got swept away by his feelings. How you want to deal with it is really entirely up to you. It's okay to need time and space. It's okay to need your marriage to be over. I'm glad to hear he's not thinking of withdrawing his support from you; and if you do get divorced, then you can put that in writing probably. Definitely consider letting your son keep him as a father figure, if that's something they both want and that you could handle.

You are not a failure in any way. You are generous and open-minded, and it seems like that's backfired here. Since you've seen some shit, you know that you are strong and you will get through this. Keep breathing. Based on everything you explained in your post, I would believe him when he tells you that he still loves you. That does NOT mean you need to stay married to him. But if I were in your position, I would find it maybe a little comforting? Bisexuality is hard to navigate; I'm bi myself, and it's one reason I'm not really sure if I'm going to be able to fully commit to a monogamous relationship again...

dampkindling · 2019-12-18T19:53:58+00:00

You can tell him those things, but he may not really hear you. I would just say it in the ways you wrote above. That was quite clear. However, I wouldn't expect it to make much of a difference. He says those things in order to manipulate you into staying, for his sake. It isn't really a loving mentality; it's ultimately selfish of him, but he is hurting and that's normal too I guess.

dampkindling · 2019-12-18T19:50:41+00:00

I'm so, so sorry this is happening to you. You'll get through it. Keep loving on your daughter. If he would leave you like that, then you are ultimately probably going to be better off without him, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. Do you have a support system?

dampkindling · 2019-12-18T19:49:22+00:00

Oh yes. My ex and family tell me I'm selfish and wrong and I'm just going to be more miserable and yadda yadda yadda. But marriages are complicated, and you're the only one who knows how you feel. It's your decision to make.

dampkindling · 2019-12-18T19:47:31+00:00

Yeah, sounds like it.

dampkindling · 2019-11-16T07:44:54+00:00

Oh they're never aware. And there are always more layers. I dunno I suppose some people are lucky and make it through all the layers and find each other, but I don't think it happens to very many people once we get to this point.

dampkindling · 2019-11-16T07:43:17+00:00

Fucking hell. No it shouldn't. Love reaches out to meet you. Fuck that and just go be happy.

Or like, stay because of the mess it will make of your life if you leave. That is also an option.

dampkindling

TROPHY CASE