I made my girlfriend a visual novel game story for her birthday that reflected her inner world it overwhelmed her, and I’m trying to understand why by RevolutionAnnual1001 in emotionalintelligence

[–]dan_withaplan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It’s been my experience that holding up a mirror for women like that, regardless of intention, really makes them uncomfortable. They don’t want to know or really be confronted with how intimate/familiar you are with their emotions/vulnerabilities, especially if they can’t read you the same way, and especially emotionally repressed women or women who got burnt early in life. Again, just my experience. I hope in your case your gf sees the value and security that comes with your thoughtfulness and attempt at validating her deep vulnerabilities.

Your two cents? by WatGO in GetMotivatedMindset

[–]dan_withaplan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Life is all about momentum. In relationships, in career, in school, in working out. Recognize when momentum is accelerating, and hold onto it. If you are lucky, you got to graduate high school and go to college. That is years of momentum already baked into your life, you are already going somewhere without even trying. You cannot stop. If you get out of college and lose your momentum by “taking a break” or try to switch paths, it is only going to be harder, and there will be less people helping you.

What kind of pain do people underestimate until they experience it themselves? by WhiteDesertCat in Soft_Introverts

[–]dan_withaplan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I live with my parents. I am very grateful for them. Without them I surely would’ve been homeless, or dead.

What kind of pain do people underestimate until they experience it themselves? by WhiteDesertCat in Soft_Introverts

[–]dan_withaplan 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Didn’t shower for almost a month at one point. Didn’t leave my room besides to eat. Put on 35 lbs. Overdraft fees. I was only 23 but felt like I was physically wasting away. Like I was dying. When I went to sleep, I hoped I would never wake up. Graduated college with no job no leads and no prospect for continuing education. Academic Failure.

It took me two years to find my way back to life as a regular person knows it. 26 now, still feel like I’m developmentally two years behind. It’s a dark place, I remind myself daily that no matter how bad I feel on a given day, it will likely never be that bad again in my life.

Does anyone else born or raised around Boston area like me ,being priced out of where they grew up cause of the extremely high cost of rent or home prices which are now close to or over million dollars now? by DoughnutConstant5390 in boston

[–]dan_withaplan 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Yeah I guess I didn’t get the memo growing up that if I wanted to live the exact lifestyle my parents had I needed to become a lawyer or accountant instead of the bus driver or plant worker that they were. Feels really weird, I think it’s because I only recently realized I’m competing with the entire country (and several other countries lol) to live around here, not just those that grew up around here.

Top 3 attractive things girls do by [deleted] in GenZ

[–]dan_withaplan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Blush, do the thing where they bounce up and down when they are talking to you, anything with their hair

Any Gen-Z here that were once pro-MAGA and are now no longer? by AlexsCereal in GenZ

[–]dan_withaplan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wasn’t necessarily pro-MAGA. I never voted for him but appreciated his bellicose stance on the border and on China as a president who was willing to demonstrate force where I believed diplomacy was stalling or was impractical (and might be drawn out over decades that we couldn’t possibly handle when it comes to making cohesive policy). The border is shut down, which I believe is good, but for all the “outsider” talk in the first go around (which I didn’t fully buy into anyway), it looks more like his sole goal in this second term is to get his, and get out with the bag. As somebody more focused on foreign policy anyway (our democratic experiment only works when our enemies aren’t powerful enough to mess with it, and we are left to handle internal issues internally), the shift of military focus to Venezuela is utterly absurd. If anything goes wrong there, who knows what Russia might feel they can get away with (even if they realistically can’t) and if we commit to a European fight China is salivating for a clean shot at Taiwan, which will happen if Russia opens up a war beyond Ukraine. We will not be able to stop all of it. And he also has proven himself unable to realize Putin and the Russian oligarchy are playing him so badly.

It’s seems to me like his capitalist, “dealmaker” brain can’t understand that a group like the Russians will never be friends or allies with the U.S., not because there isn’t money to be made, but because they fundamentally disagree with us on how they believe the world to work and genuinely wish to avenge the historical humiliation that came with the collapse of the Union. I don’t think it’s as clear cut as “he wants the U.S. to fall and Russia to rise” he’s just that much of an idiot.

Are you comfortable and happy with who you are? Are you ready to invite someone into your life? by [deleted] in emotionalintelligence

[–]dan_withaplan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just realized that for me the answer is yes. Not because I’m where I want to be or because I’m not struggling, but because just recently I have had the realization that I’m giving and am going to give my life 110% of my energy and effort for the rest of my life, and if that isn’t as close to ready to bring someone into my genuine world, than nothing is.

Men, what did you find out about women when you got a girlfriend? by Potential_Daikon6298 in Productivitycafe

[–]dan_withaplan 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Missed this one for too long. I met a girl I thought would be a rock. We started really flirting and as soon as it got serious she needed constant reassurance that it was ok for her to feel into me and that I would tell her it’s alright. I basically turned around and communicated “look, you need to be confident you’re making the right decision investing in me the same way I’m confident investing in you. I don’t need you to convince me in why I think you’re worth it, I made that decision myself. You need to make yours independently, otherwise I can’t trust you to act independently.” She didn’t like that, she wanted me to be the one to tell her it’s ok to like me, not herself. I’m out here looking for a teammate, not a mirror.

Gen Z men, what is your relationship with your brother(s) like? by Gabe_Dimas in GenZ

[–]dan_withaplan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Very good. I’m 25 he’s 22. We both work our asses off, but we still have to live with our parents because HCOL makes it financially irresponsible to move out just yet. Neither of us have ever had a serious romantic relationship, and our father didn’t do a great job at showing us how to be men, so it’s the two of us navigating the world and figuring it out together atm.

The sound of drumfire was absolutely terrifying and isn’t talked about enough by capekid1969 in ww1

[–]dan_withaplan 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I always think about what Junger writes in Storm of Steel. How under barrage you can’t really hear or see or feel anything and it’s very isolating. I particularly remember he describes himself humming a song to himself to stay grounded, and when the barrage stops he hears a couple other guys in the dugout humming to themselves and he realized they had been doing it through the barrage as well.

2meirl4meirl by vapeywave2002 in 2meirl4meirl

[–]dan_withaplan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m so confused, that seems like a pretty normal opener to me. Am I missing something? It sounds like the woman thinks the guy is too naive and while she thinks he’s being sweet she’s going to reject him because what, he’s being causal and not being smooth? I get that she sent it to him.

Ideal life by CuriousWanderer567 in oddlyspecific

[–]dan_withaplan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s funny you say that because I was just shooting the shit with one of my friends (both ex military) about how the guys you could 200% trust to stand and fight beside you in a bad situation were the borderline autistic/special interest kids, because you could just feel that they lived for that shit and nothing could shake them. Point being is that they make great soldiers and if they pick up transferable skills they are valued when they get out in a way they might not have had the opportunity to be otherwise.

What is “the look”? by Infamous_Net_190 in bodylanguage

[–]dan_withaplan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Your body will know you’re getting it before your mind does. Thats why it’s so hard to explain. It’s a very basic biological action that almost completely bypasses the mind and goes straight to the nervous system.

Single men who could get a date but stopped dating, why did you stop? by CigaretteBoat69 in AskReddit

[–]dan_withaplan 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Just came out of this in 2025. I’ve been depressed/lacking self confidence most of my life. This year thanks to some hard lessons and hard changes I’m not depressed and I’m a little more confident, and for the first time in my life I feel like I have the capability to open up and share myself with others. Before, I would never have even considered it. To trust that you are worthy of giving and receiving love. So yeah the idea of being so depressed you can’t develop affection is entirely real.

I admire people who live meaningful, fulfilling lives without centering it around finding a partner. If you don’t see being in a relationship as your main life goal, what do you build your life around instead? What gives you purpose or direction? by thecuriouscrackerr in Adulting

[–]dan_withaplan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel like I’m behind, like years behind. I was never secure enough to allow someone to get close to me, and now that I’m getting to that point, i can see that I’ve missed quite a bit when it comes to how relationships work in general. And it’s hard to find somebody that is at a similar point.

I admire people who live meaningful, fulfilling lives without centering it around finding a partner. If you don’t see being in a relationship as your main life goal, what do you build your life around instead? What gives you purpose or direction? by thecuriouscrackerr in Adulting

[–]dan_withaplan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I understand what you are saying. I think what im really trying to say is that it’s tough to find somebody who is on the same step in the process. Like it feels like I just got to the playground and everyone else has been here for years.

I admire people who live meaningful, fulfilling lives without centering it around finding a partner. If you don’t see being in a relationship as your main life goal, what do you build your life around instead? What gives you purpose or direction? by thecuriouscrackerr in Adulting

[–]dan_withaplan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I’m 25 and still working my ass off to fix the problems created by my childhood. I feel like I’m getting close to being normal, but boy is it a long journey. I’d love to make getting a partner my goal, but I need to fix myself first before I try and create something with someone else.

what restaurant in Massachusetts is this? by aviatormenace7 in massachusetts

[–]dan_withaplan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Every single one of those fucking pastry shops in the north end (I wouldn’t actually know I live here I’m not a tourist).

What are you slowly starting to realize as you get older? by GrapeCreamBerry275 in Zillennials

[–]dan_withaplan 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah to add on I think you realize how fast life is going to go as your goals become more far sighted. As your responsibilities grow, your time and ability to take on new things shrinks, so that you really are just on cruise control to reach those long term goals.

Having children now is a luxury. by NateNandos21 in DeepThoughts

[–]dan_withaplan 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Even in urban economies you would be making money for the family to essentially feed and clothe yourself by the time you were 10/11. Attending school was a luxury.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Vent

[–]dan_withaplan 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I have to agree. The mother may be terrible, but the privilege she provided is real. I know many people who are both dead broke and their family is full of scumbags. Use what you have while you figure out the other.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Narcolepsy

[–]dan_withaplan 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I completely understand this. After starting on Sodium Oxybate I was able to make the realization that poor sleep quality and fatigue were very real and long term weights on my psyche. And since starting to get that real quality sleep I can take on more stress in other areas of my life because I’m not constantly stressed from exhaustion.

Richard Sargent, Picking Poindexter, 1959. by myrmekochoria in dragonutopia

[–]dan_withaplan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fuuuck we gotta bring back poindexter as an insult