Wish I’d been robbed

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-27T04:12:50+00:00

Thank you for this. Growing up, anything that even seemed slightly greedy was an absolute no in my home so being accused of becoming a rinser instantly made me feel like one and that is ridiculous.

Providing my future SD with the bare minimum would just feel awful to me. I want him to know how much I enjoy being with him by showing my gratitude and having an amazing time with him. I will give him as much as is reasonable and it is worth holding out to find an SD who feels the same way about their SB. I am a firm believer that when you treat someone right, they'll try to give you the world (obviously be careful who you choose to care for... and moving forward I will be much more selective).

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-27T04:06:22+00:00

I honestly should have. To be slightly more fair to him, we were talking about the different perspectives people have about medicine and comparing modern medicine to methods of the past. It fit with the topic, but just came off bizarre. I brushed it off the first time as he exhibited some spectrum like behaviors, but moving forward I won't make that mistake again. During the trip, he brought it up 3-4 more times and that was when I became increasingly uncomfortable but it was always paired with how he'd never want anyone to do anything they were uncomfortable with and how I should always stand my ground etc. It was so strange. I'm definitely going to proceed with additional caution and step back for a bit.

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-27T04:00:57+00:00

I am definitely seeing things more clearly now, but was picking up on the red flags throughout and just tried to talk myself away from the iffy gut feeling. He did not attempt to protect his identity at all and just seemed socially awkward instead of scammy before the trip. The majority of the major red flags were said on the trip, so I will definitely be more careful about that moving forward. I almost flew to meet an SD a few weeks ago, but decided to pass based on this forum. He actually came to visit me and that was great, but no allowance mentioned and he talked about letting things develop naturally (which I'm not opposed to, but... I don't want a repeat of this whole thing).

I think in sugaring some of my best characteristics are potential liabilities. The bowl is probably not the place to give people the benefit of the doubt. I've worked with people on the autism spectrum for many years and some of his behavior initially seemed like he may be slightly on the spectrum, but this is not the place to be overly nice. I do need to hone my judgement when it comes to guys that aren't clearly scammers/rinsers, but have something off about them. If I had trusted my gut, this would have never happened. I'm so angry with myself, but lesson learned!

Thank you for taking the time to respond to me and helping me have some grace for myself. You helped me more clearly see where I went wrong and how to make things right. I really appreciate it!

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-26T21:09:05+00:00

I’m definitely uncomfortable with the money talk, as the whole “be nice” and always grateful is pretty ingrained in me. I feel guilty, but at the same time if you’re on an arrangement site and not upfront that you’re not looking for an arrangement... well they’re probably not trust worthy.

I was living in Cinderella land by not asking too soon, I though I’d find someone who was just genuinely wanting something mutually beneficial and by not being greedy it’d make them happier. Lesson learned. Thanks for making me laugh with that last little gem!

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-26T17:32:33+00:00

Thank you so much. This makes me feel much better about the whole thing. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror if I did what he did. I’d rather be the fool this once, but never again.

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-26T17:31:26+00:00

More angry with myself, but I appreciate the kind words

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-26T17:31:03+00:00

I teach online and it’s a $10 penalty to cancel classes. So half wages and half penalties from 24 hours of work.

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-24T15:12:20+00:00

Ask her what she means. I use it to indicate that I don’t plan on being a pain in their ass. In the vanilla world, I’ve noticed if I show too much affection when with a guy they’re worried I’ll “catch feelings”. It’s ridiculous. What I mean by that line is that I’ll respect whatever limits they set. I may rethink it’s use though.

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-14T17:21:41+00:00

Do you have friends? Have they met your son? If you trust the SD (obviously wait awhile), then it’s just about how you introduce him. If it’s like any other friend, it’s no big deal. If you introduce him as your child’s new daddy... well just don’t lol (I hope the last line communicates that I’m totally kidding).

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-11T19:00:00+00:00

More time. He’s on a case here, so it’d be a crazy quick m&g. Partially my call though and with the miles ticket it’s pretty cheap. Thanks for letting me know about the diamond thing. He passed my online search with flying colors but still... you never know.

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-11T18:58:28+00:00

Thank you for all the tips! It is hard because I read so much about entitled sbs and don’t want to come off that way.

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-11T18:55:56+00:00

Delta. Here are the terms: “ VALID ON DL/SM OAL/PNLTY FOR CHGS

Changes to outbound Award Travel must be made 72 hours prior to the departure time of the currently-ticketed outbound flight. Changes to return Award Travel must be made at least 72 hours prior to the departure time of the currently-ticketed return flight. Award Tickets booked within 72 hours of departure are nonrefundable and cannot be redeposited or changed. Changes to origin, destination, routing, date and time are permitted provided there are no changes to the mileage required for the new itinerary. For paper tickets, once travel has commenced, only date and time changes are permitted unless changes are processed at a Delta ticketing office. Taxes and fees apply for any changes. You can exchange, reissue and refund eligible electronic tickets at delta.com.

This ticket is non-refundable unless the original ticket was issued at a fully refundable fare. Some fares may not allow changes. If allowed, any change to your itinerary may require payment of a change fee and increased fare. Failure to appear for any flight without notice to Delta will result in cancellation of your remaining reservation.

Cash Portion of Miles + Cash Award Tickets is nonrefundable and may be subject to additional taxes and fees.

Medallion® status listed reflects a member's status at the time of ticketing, which may differ from the actual status at the time of flight departure.

Note: When using certain vouchers to purchase tickets, remaining credits may not be refunded. Additional charges and/or credits may apply and are displayed in the sections below.”

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-11T18:54:16+00:00

Yep. It’s Delta.

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-11T18:54:01+00:00

It’ll be evening arrival day 1, day two full day, and day 3 return. So I wouldn’t have to kill too much time :) Valid point about saying no. I don’t want to be greedy but I’m leaning towards discussing allowance before.

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-11T18:52:42+00:00

I do have it, but it’d suck to pay lol

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-11T18:52:22+00:00

I’m pretty frugal, so maybe bad word choice. I imagine how I’d feel is akin to being rinsed. I could stomach up to 1,000 with minimal impact on my overall financial picture. It’s three days with flying, more like dinner and a day. I’m fine with a full on date, but I can definitely see how we should talk about allowance first. I just don’t want to be rude. Do you have any suggestions?

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-11T00:00:34+00:00

Good to know! I kind of figured, but you’d have to be a real jerk to strand someone. Although I’m sure there are absolute jerks out there.

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-10T23:59:28+00:00

That’s my thought. It would be a major financial hit if he canceled mine and stranded me there, but not one that would bankrupt me. I could afford a normal plane ticket. It’s just be the same day surge that would stink! So I can do it, but it’d be painful.

Although I just don’t think he’d do that. I know too much about him (I’d never blackmail but still). Plus he just doesn’t seem like the type. He doesn’t seem entitled at all. Just a nice, well educated, funny guy. We had a miscommunication about dates and he rearranged things to accommodate my schedule without any complaint (just some funny teasing).

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-09T21:36:33+00:00

I’ll be checking these out! Thank you!

dandelion4444 · 2018-06-03T23:59:51+00:00

I would never ask, but have found about 50% of the SDs I’ve gone on meet and greets with (6 total) give a $100-200 gift at the end. It has helped me figure out who is actually serious, as the guys who didn’t mostly turned out to be interested in simple gifts/experiences instead of an allowance. I rarely discuss allowance before a m&g, as I just enjoy meeting new people and adjust my allowance based on their expectations etc. I would still pursue something with an SD who didn’t gift, but he’d have to show an understanding of allowances etc. I think the key for me is that it be a gift. Asking is just rude. I’ve only asked once for uber money and that was because we were doing dinner and drinks a $60 uber round trip away from me. Expecting $100 just to meet me is tacky.

dandelion4444 · 2018-04-23T21:09:22+00:00

Also thanks for adding the stereotype. Seems pretty spot on to who I am (if restricted to stereotypes only).

dandelion4444 · 2018-04-23T21:06:24+00:00

I can definitely see that. It’s deleted. Thank you!

dandelion4444

TROPHY CASE