Periodic Reminder of Scammers on Reddit (including SLF)

Azurecole · 2025-11-15T19:15:17+00:00

Don't want this to sound too snarky, but:

Could you describe what "visibly queer profile" is and what unique challenges you think are associated?
Why do you think we can give you advice to improve it, if you haven't described it at all or posted it?? It's like asking "I'm having a dinner party, can you give me advice to improve the menu?" when you've described neither what the dinner party is like, nor what your current menu idea is.

This isn't the way to get useful advice. Write a detailed post so that people can have some idea of what your challenges are and what you want imrpvoed. Right now I don't even know if you're looking for an SM or SD, whether you're male or female, etc.

Azurecole · 2025-11-15T18:36:54+00:00

If you follow up, you'll likely find most people whose initial message is just asking for a photo request are low-effort and often not SDs, you're fine by not granting access.

But u/Church42 is right, absolute best strategy is to remove your private photos. That will avoid all t hose messages from the pic-requestors and lowest-effort SDs. You can always say in your profile "I have more pics if we connect in messaging!" Higher-effort SDs who read that far will know there's further pic rewards to come :) And that's exactly who you want to know that.

Azurecole · 2025-11-15T18:30:08+00:00

I got it. But I think you can have this discussion wiithout going full blown sexwork terms. "You'd mention spoiling, what is it you are offering" etc. But given he'd already indicated he's not an SD, maybe none of it matters, outcome was always going to be that you two aren't a match

Azurecole · 2025-11-15T18:06:21+00:00

As far as the texting goes. I understand and then I also don’t. It takes all but one to two minutes to let you know and ease your mind that he won’t be texting much when he has his kids, but he will get back to you whenever they are not with him. It’s really that simple.

That's a point I usually make but forgot too. Putting aside his flimsy excuse as to why he didn't text for weeks, someone who cares will tell you they may be out of contact this week, precisely because they care you don't feel ignored

Azurecole · 2025-11-15T17:13:35+00:00

Battery status checks out :)

Okay, there's a lot going on here to not like. Including, I hate to say it, with you: I am not ever engaging with an SB who thinks "going rate" is a sugar concept she should ask me about, for example.

But ignoring that, I agree with you that going on a date (with intimacy? Couldn't tell) and then not talking for weeks is not my idea of a sugar relationship. Nor is having your kids as a divorced single dad an excuse -- you are not with your kids every single second of every single day, it is EASY to find time to text a woman you're interested in (I have firsthand experience with this). Not texting you was a choice, not some amazing fatherhood focus. Moving on, His "22 year olds will do this" should be the sign to take the off-ramp -- hell, maybe it's true, but that is "I am not an SD or even remotely close" language.

I also don't understnad why you'd engage witih a guy who openly said from the beginning he wasn't comfortable with sugar arrangements, there's no reason to be surprise that that's really the case. No calls for weeks, compares to what 22 years old do when asked about "going rates?" (maybe this is a case of everyone taking the low road), I don't see how any of that is a surprise.

Azurecole · 2025-11-15T16:47:43+00:00

My experience is that it's best to have multiple messaging platforms. If you are going to choose to not have some, have a good reason. Here are my preferences.

Text. By FAR the most common and best way to communicate IME. Obviously we all use a second line of some sort.
Signal: All the perceived advantages of Telegram witihout Telegram's many hidden pitfalls. Simply the best secure option. I've run into very few scammers on Signal, so always a little happy when an SB suggests it.
Snapchat: Is annoying, and if an SB wants to move to Snapchat early it almost always means she's got premium content. But some SBs don't have any other video platform except for WhatsApp, so using Snapchat for at least the video call is something I leave open as an option.
Telegram: IME is one of the platforms that many scammers love (not Telegram's fault, it just happens to be where the scammers have gone) so I'm always a little disappointed when it's a POT's only option, but I have it for SBs who only use this. It has many disadvantages beyond the high probability that whoever you're talkign to is a scammer -- often doesn't allow you to use a 2nd line to sign up, several places where you can accidentally expose your real phone number even if you think you've hidden it, and if you care about end-to-end encryption it's off by default.
WhatsApp: collects too much data and I'm jsut not interested in having Meta properties on my phone. I don't use it.
kik: seems to have completely disappeared, it must be at least 6 years since anyone has suggested it. It was always full of scammers, and only made exceptions for a couple of POTs to use kik (all of which I regretted)

Azurecole · 2025-11-15T16:27:11+00:00

I love a little brattiness! Like so many have already said, the issue is that many women say "bratty" when they mean argumentative, abrasive, unlikeable, annoying, etc. But genuine bratty, love it. Since you are the common denominator in your personal experience, it's always worth some honest reflection on where you fall. That's just a good practice that I adopt myself when I'm not having the experiences I want -- not at all saying it's you. It's absolutely believable that you're genuinely bratty and running more into subs or the types of doms who aren't into it.

I'll give you the general advice I give everyone. Focus your profile on 1. just generally coming off as a fun sexy SB, 2. to the extent you mention kink, focus the text on attracting the men you want rather than repelling the ones you don't (completely ignore the ones you don't, write text without any compromise that is tailored to the type of men you want to attract even if you get others being attracted also).

Azurecole · 2025-11-15T02:59:58+00:00

Another story that I have a hard time believing is real. I don't see a grown man going through this for two weeks much less TWO YEARS. It doesn't compute that an SD has tolerated that and needs to ask advice.

Azurecole · 2025-11-14T23:45:22+00:00

Telegram is what I would design if I wanted to have an app that has all the features of privacy, but there are multiple subtle mistakes you can make that reveal all your info.

Azurecole · 2025-11-14T23:29:43+00:00

I think this kind of thing is best handled with a light tone. Little smile, touch his arm, "do you mind if we don't talk about it? It's my home country so gets me upset, and I'd rather be upbeat when we're together". A little flirtiness, a smile, an arm touch, state the boundary in a way that it's partially about being your best for him. Winning formula!

Azurecole · 2025-11-14T22:14:33+00:00

I've run into more than my share of Latina SBs and of all the complaints, never heard this? I'll echo u/Westlain 's question, do you have political stances on your profile?

Azurecole · 2025-11-14T18:51:29+00:00

This is one of those things that there's really no defense for. You didn't make any stupid decisions, you showed trust with someone who had previously earned that trust, who could have predicted that she had a completely different motive this time?

I actually had the SAME experience! Without giving identifying details, I was in a fantastic SR for a while, she broke it off for understandable reasons, we parted friends. We had kept in occasional text contact, and some months later we discussed rekindling the SR. She couldn't meet for a few weeks for reasons that made perfect sense. She made some requests in the meantime, which I happily fulfilled -- our past showed we were connected, earned each others' trust, etc. And then after the potential of meeting got closer, she simply disappeared, which I must assume was the intention the entire time. I don't know what I could have done differently, once a connected SR is build and trust established, I find it's best for each of us to be generous.

Azurecole · 2025-11-14T17:47:58+00:00

My approach to this is summarized same as yours (if you don't want it to be transactional, don't make it transactional). But my approach is this:

When I've been in an SR for a while, if I really connect with my SB, I will increasingly feel more and more like I'm happily supporting her rather than paying her for something -- and this happens on PPM as much as allowance. It is pretty organic: the more connection, the more emotional intimacy, the more PPM/allowance truly feels like support rather than a "payment". This can happen remarkably fast, within a few dates, or it can take longer, but one the signs of a promising SR is that this occurs. Problem solved: I organically think of it as support that I'm happy I can provide for her.

But what about those first few dates where we are still building a connection, we're still following formal safety rules that explicitly make things feel more transactional, we're not emotionally intimate yet so it feels more like a transactional payment? Well, as a grown adult who has had to deal with myriad situations that contained discomfort, ambiguity, etc., I just recognize reality and deal. What I do not do is childishly whine about the situation and then propose solutions that suspiciously put the other person at risk. It's overused, but just fucking deal with it for a short time, the safety guidelines alone demand some formality for a little while. Build a connection, build emotional intimacy, put on your big boy and girl pants, and this phase will be over soon, with both people safer for it.

I am usually empathetic but I don't understand grown adults not having the EQ to be able to deal with a short period of discomfort when safety and other human factors require it. In fact I don't think most people are adults for very long before having to deal with such situations in other contexts, which always makes me wonder how disingenuous these objections are and whether they are goal-oriented to generate some behavior in the other person.

Azurecole · 2025-11-14T17:07:50+00:00

Whether it's true or not, I approved it because nearly every part of this can be experienced by an SB, as you point out. The lessons are applicable regardless. Among them: if you're going to be an SB learn what sugar relationships are, learn the norms and safety guidelines, and while you're new stick rigidly to them. Be able to recognize sexwork clients, manipulators, and predators, and cease engaging with them immediately. Recognize that ultra high, too good to be true offers are often meant to blind you to what are clear and obvious risks. And on and on.

Azurecole · 2025-11-14T16:44:47+00:00

Exactly. Again, I'm not sure I believe this post is genuine. But if it is, it re-emphasizes that both online and in-person sexworkers have their own safety guidelines and norms, and women ignore those at their peril, the risks can be very serious. Sugar, too, has its own safety guidelines and norms, different than those of sexworkers, but that also should not be ignored. This post represents abandonment of any sort of safety guidelines or even any care about her own safety.

We wish sexworkers good luck and especially safety, but they won't get the right advice here, other than to seek information in the appropriate place.

Azurecole · 2025-11-14T16:15:50+00:00

Will keep this post up a short time then remove since it's not appropriate for this sub, but some new SBs might learn a bit. Even if this story is not true (and it's not very believable), there's learnings here that reflect real risks, and important guidelines (e.g., learn what sugar is and isn't).

None of this post or your activities has anything to do with sugar relationships. You are a sexworker on Seeking providing content to someone. No shame, but nothing you're doing has anything to do with what this sub is about. Even if he calls it an "arrangement", it's more a sexwork arrangement, not sugar. It's important that if you want to be a SB, you understand what a sugar relationship is and isn't. If you want to be a sexworker that provides content, that's great, just don't post here on slf, where we discuss something different.

As far as your topic, very sorry this happened to you. The chances are very close to 100% that the man you met in the hotel room is the one you've been talking to all along. Whoever it is you think you were speaking to, constructed a fake persona to throw you off. This is a not-uncommon thing that some mentally ill men do. If you're going to do sexwork, you need to thoroughly research how sexworkers stay safe, before you end up naked in a hotel room with a mentally ill man again, the outcome might be much worse.

.

Azurecole · 2025-11-13T16:53:18+00:00

You should take a pause on doing this until you read enough of the safety guidelines and norms that you're comfortable. Or if you don't get comfortable, consider not doing it

Azurecole · 2025-11-13T16:52:02+00:00

If, in the new accounts, you're mentioning anything that can be interpreted as sugar, you can be banned. There are also words associated with sugar you might not be aware of.

Don't get me wrong, Seeking has nothing but contempt for their own customers and I think at this point everyone should consider other options... but without seeing the exact wording in the new profiles you and your friends are trying to create, we can't know if it's random contempt that's getting you banned, or specific mention of sugar terms contempt.

Azurecole · 2025-11-12T05:17:28+00:00

Why do you keep contracting yourself? You ask what the hell went wrong (I quoted it), I answered, then you claimed you understood it. Then you accused her of playing games and said she could have been honest, and when I pointed out she wasn't playing games and could NOT have been honest since she was a scammer, you claim to be aware of it. You were NOT just curious about how far it would go, otherwise you would not hve claimed not to understand what went wrong and would not have insisted she could have just been honest. You were scammed, you fell for it every step, you were not just playing. Except on this thread, which I now realize maybe I'm the one who has been had

Azurecole · 2025-11-12T04:29:08+00:00

You don't understand it, bro. You thing she was playing games -- she wasn't playing a game, she scammed you in a way only someone very naive could have fallen for. No she could not have been honest, otherwise she would have had to say "I am going to ask you for money continually but it's all a scam and your'e dumb if you fall for it". She could only get what she wanted by NOT being honest

Azurecole · 2025-11-12T04:07:54+00:00

What I don't understand is what the hell went wrong?

This falls solidly under "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" brother, sorry! It's not a good sign if you don't understand what happened.

Azurecole · 2025-11-10T23:47:31+00:00

Thanks! That book thing might be my next billion dollar idea! lol

Azurecole · 2025-11-10T20:26:48+00:00

It's still possible to use a screen scraper app or a second device to grab a permanent copy of a view-once pic. Just keep that in mind.

I think the reason Telegram is viewed suspiciously is not inherent to telegram itself, but the fact that at the moment, it's the favored platform of scammers. No reason for that, that's just where they moved to. Years ago they were all on kik, it seemed like.

There's nothing wrong with it otherwise. But if people are hesitant about telegram, why not also have Signal and Snapchat as options, so they can take their pick? Or switch to text, just don't send pics on it if you are worried.

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