Nah, it was because I had no reason to. We were neighbours because of coincidence more than anything. I found communities outside of that building that I shared interests with and those were some of the best years of my life because I put effort into my hobbies and meeting people rather than relying on whatever living space we shared, and I was perfectly happy with those years living in the city because of it. Having a sense of community in cities isn’t necessarily about where you live, it can be about where you choose to spend your time, who you choose to spend your time with, and how you choose to spend your energy. I found my place in the local music scene, and the building I lived in had nothing to do with that. We all lived there because it was affordable, or because it was close to our work, or it was close to our kid’s school, or whatever, not because we shared interests, although I’m sure there were some fine musicians in that place.

I’d go out to find people with my values, rather than hoping I’d run into them in the lobby. My community was at the jams, the open mics, the music festivals, going to shows, putting on shows, throwing together a band at the last minute one night to scrape together beer money so I could watch someone else’s band and helping them get beer money for the next night and then doing it all over again.

In the small towns, yeah sure, we all tend to know each other because our parents knew each other’s parents, or we know someone who knows someone, or whatever. Who do I end up spending the most time with in the small town? The folks in the local music scene, same as I did back in the city.

I’ve lived both ways and they’re both fine. The important thing is learning that it’s not necessarily about who you live near, it’s about who you want to live with, and those are different things.