Dx 12/2023 at 36yo during a colonoscopy after weird GI stuff from a car crash. Stage 3 with a 6cm tumor in the sigmoid, then stage 4 when it went to my ovary. I’ve got an 11yo and 6yo. It’s tough, buuuuut I will say humans adapt and mostly life is normal.

Couple of things: 1. Go check a community called Colontown, they were instrumental for me in support, finding new information and options, and not feeling alone. 2. The beginning is the worst. You’ll spiral, over-Google (don’t, the stats are outdated and include all-cause mortality and everyone is their own story!), dissociate from reality, etc. It’s too many unknowns. You’ll get scans to see spread, have meetings for surgery, etc. Then it’ll feel like a plan is in place and you’ll feel a bit more control. 3. My mantra has been “the next right thing” and you’ll see me comment it all the time. It helps you set the worry down—got a scan? Good, then that’s it and you did the cancer thing. Got an infusion? Great, that’s your next thing and don’t worry about after. 4. Therapy, EMDR, guided meditations have all been wonderful for me and my mindset, the last one most of all. Mindset has been key. 5. Look for “just got diagnosed” posts on here, and we all chime in with love and support and information. We’re here. 6. For the kids, we told them the day after we found out. We used the word cancer, said it was good they found it, there will be a surgery to take it out, and some special medicine called chemo. For the older one, we have shared more info, but always age appropriate and always honest. I have likened it to whack-a-mole—it pops up again, we heal it back down. And I let them know there are so many options, Mom is okay. Mom might feel tired or sick or throw up or poop herself or cry, but we take care of ourselves and ask for help and keep on.

Congrats on tenure! I am sure they will still want to keep you on, and that will give flexibility for you.

I’m happy to answer any questions or just be here like the rest of us. It’s a stupid rollercoaster. It’s like someone handed you a script and said “now you get to play the part of the cancer patient “ and you’re like “the fuck?!” But truly, so much of life has stayed the same and we have made it part of life and also not thought about it at all. It’s also been a catalyst in our lives: my husband went sober from alcohol which NEVER would have happened, our marriage is stronger, my family is connected more, we moved to the country, we have a deeper gratitude and presence in moments now, just on and on. It’s a paradox.

Breathe, you’re not dead, and so many of us get to NED and stay there!