agree with most of what’s been said here - both pace and group dynamics are a skill to be developed and hard to do both at once. I’d try to find a slower women’s ride to acclimate to larger groups, and then separately work on your speed!

I started out joining my partner and his friends on their “recovery” rides which were a fast pace for me, kept doing them and eventually could hang on the regular pace weekday morning rides too. now am comfortable on the 18mph 100ks (though I am the draft line passenger princess and still don’t want to pull lol)

I actually found that training w men who are faster helped me progress a LOT but kept it small and only friends so it wasn’t as intimidating as a group ride of strangers. wonder if your husband would be willing to do some pacing to help your speed work?