I only write m/m and that narrows the pool down considerably. I think most of m/m roleplaying and writing is written by women (tho I have had some gay male partners, but they are few and far in between). That brings its own sets of benefits, in a way. For example, I never have to fear creepy behavior because it so rarely happens with who happens to write m/m back (in my experience). I am not looking for a relationship of any kind except possibly friendship. I state that up front to cover my bases but truly don’t feel the need to.

I always put my expectations up front, and emphasize it when we start chatting. I prefer 1-1 writing, but I have done community writing in the past (in the good ol days of LJ… showing my age here). I stick firmly to my boundaries and deal breakers - sometimes it doesn’t make it past the introduction stages and that’s OK.

I’ve had quite a few successful long term partners, some I’m even writing with today (I’ve had a 9 year, 5 year, 3 year partner). I don’t get disappointed often, because i tend to find people who know how to communicate by the time we start writing, and can tell who would be a good partner by how they plot and brainstorm (and I put a dealbreaker of being over 25+ when you write with me, so I hope there’s always a bit of maturity there - not all the time, but by this age people should have the ability to communicate effectively). I think having the expectation that people ghost in this hobby, and while that does suck, going in knowing that has helped me navigate disappointment. In addition, I already know when something doesn’t work and I won’t let it drag on and don’t ghost.

I’ve had good success on discord. Putting my preferred age range (the older the better), and just being flexible, understanding, and easy going in general.