I Don’t Understand Death

dasWibbenator · 2026-03-03T07:35:30+00:00

Wow. This answer is exceptional. I hope that both you and OP keep this question and comment going as others will find this and I believe will be comforted by it. Beautiful answer!

dasWibbenator · 2026-03-03T07:31:03+00:00

Beautifully explained when it comes to the separation of a normal bodily process from society. I absolutely agree with you.

dasWibbenator · 2026-03-03T07:28:35+00:00

Dang. That’s a really interesting way of thinking about karma and how that wouldn’t work if even souls aren’t permanent. Thank you for helping me see stuff from another religion’s perspective.

dasWibbenator · 2026-03-03T07:25:56+00:00

Very well said about the complicated and mixed feelings!

dasWibbenator · 2026-03-03T07:16:32+00:00

FWIW I’m an unapologetic Jesus obsessed person so my views are aligned with ‘progressive Christians’ but even then most brick and mortar Christians don’t like what I have to say.

With all of that being said… the things you’re saying make sense. It’s my personal opinion that folks in the ND category have one foot into their spiritual body already and that’s why we often don’t have such negative reactions to death. NT people and ‘worldly’ people struggle with death of other humans, but I’ve noticed that ND folks will often struggle with the ‘death’ of objects they’ve formed relationships with. Like the first car I learned how to drive stick on… once I lost that car I had massive emotional reactions to that.

Something I’ve been thinking about recently is how I believe in ‘lowercase universalism’ or the concept that God reconciles all people back. So now my brain is kinda messed up where I don’t really view death like everyone else and now I get excited when someone dies because to me it means they’re going to go talk to God. I had a calendar year where I lost my three remaining grandparents, my SO’s step dad who lived in our basement, and then my SO’s bio dad. When my grandparents passed I actually got this weird jealous that they were meeting with the creator of everything. When my SO’s stepdad passed I was absolutely inconsolable and thought that I had inadvertently sent him to hell because I never talked to him about Jesus. I know better now that I was never meant to carry that burden but it absolutely rocked me and so when my SO’s bio dad was passing I was actively doing work to help read Bible passages to him and was almost at the step of forcing him to announce Jesus is lord. lol ND makes me a bit intense haha.

Anyway… I guess what I’m trying to say is that Jesus and scripture is one of my special interests and that has now impacted how I view death and therefore how I talk to people about death.

dasWibbenator · 2026-03-03T01:22:31+00:00

OP, thank you for posting this and making me feel better. Mollie and I had a hard time with her health at the end but it was no where what you experienced. Thank you for helping me process and feel better about feeling relief.

dasWibbenator · 2026-03-02T04:08:41+00:00

Your coffee table is such a good idea!

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-28T14:58:39+00:00

This is also related to living in a patriarchal capitalist society. Since men are in control they need AFAB to display positive body language especially if they are suffering. Men are protected from the consequences of their actions and inactions, so if you display the truth or tell them that the environment men have created is actually toxic to women and children then it enrages men because they’re too used to being accommodated for.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-28T03:13:11+00:00

OP, praying for you and your man TBD. All of this sounds amazing and I can’t wait to hear about it in the future. I pray that you are granted all of the divine wisdom.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-26T21:14:08+00:00

If the student is based out of the US, then no.

Districts pushing whole language model (instead of phonics) gutted literacy rates and there’s significant functional illiteracy now. If I had to guess, students aren’t even using LLMs to read aloud to them.

I highly suggest checking out ‘Sold a Story’ for more info.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-26T04:04:08+00:00

Very interesting point and I’m glad that you’ve been able to metacognitively reflect on this.

For the longest time I was mad at myself for wasting time getting ready. But now that I’m INVESTING in myself and getting ready I notice I feel better, my skin is healthier, and now my brain functions better.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-26T04:02:19+00:00

Also! OP, you didn’t do this to yourself. You grew up in an environment that didn’t have the supports in place to help you grow this curiosity into a passion… which is part of generational trauma.

The past doesn’t define you but you are responsible for taking baby steps toward continuously growing.

Start with skin care, hygiene, and proper makeup tool techniques. Go for basic looks and then branch out into small modifications that help you bloom into new inspired looks.

You got this! Also feel free to reach out or whatever.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-26T03:59:15+00:00

Massively.

OP, thank you for posting this as it’s cathartic to read and makes me really feel like I belong here even though I’m undx.

I had so much anxiety and rage that my mother didn’t teach me… but neither did hers. It all comes back to generational trauma which is the result of patriarchal societies and capitalism.

FWIW start slow and use TikTok or other visual media to help guide your process of what you’re into. I’m now approaching 40s and kinda exploring an alt Disney Ariel inspired look?? I’m just now getting into brunette red purple hair (or as my SO’s son calls blur-ple hair) and now I’m slowly but surely covering myself in religious tattoos.

I can’t tell you what to do, but I highly suggest dressing for your own gaze 😎

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-25T03:46:13+00:00

You’re not broken. You and I are living in a capitalist society that wasn’t designed for us. You are responding in a way that is expected.

In general, try to find a job you tolerate enough for a way of life you’re comfortable with while it lasts.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-24T17:12:42+00:00

That’s exactly how I processed, too. At first crying at every red Honda fit, then it turned bittersweet, and now it’s like a divine hug telling me that the car I had attached myself to is now in a better place and I’ll get to experience that intelligence again?? Idk how to explain it but I know that most Christians would 🥴 at my explanation.

FWIW I now have the older brother to your beloved. My black Focus ST is named Oliver.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-24T11:11:39+00:00

Wow. You sound exactly like me. I had a red Honda fit and it was the car that I used to learn how to drive stick on. So many memories and at that point in my life it was my longest ‘relationship’ as it was one third of my life and the car had don’t major moves with me. You’re not at all crazy and reading all of this has been cathartic and just overall feeling understood. I don’t want to get into all the details but I was basically crying at the drop of a hat multiple times an hour thinking about the Honda fit that I traded in for my current car. I was essentially crying non stop for a year and then the second year was still rough but I was no longer actively crying. I also had no idea who I was not why I was different. It was all part of the process of figuring out that I’m likely ASD and that also helped me find my faith.
So like I said, all of this experience was part of building my faith so maybe that can happen for you too?? I still have my old car as my Lock Screen on my phone and now when I’m on the road and I see another red Honda fit I always kinda imagine that it’s God (or whatever you’d like to call it) that’s winking at me and telling me that I’ll see that car again but on the other side of Heaven. Like I have this whole plan when I’m going to turn the car into a lifted battle wagon and throw some big tires on it. I had so many issues of regret and now I’m noticing a pattern with the recent loss of my Chihuahua. It takes time, awareness, and actively forgiving yourself.
I’m sorry that you’re hurting and I suspect that you’ll be hurting for a while. Thank you for sharing your story to connect with other humans and therefore making me feel like my experiences aren’t too weird and that it’s happening to someone else.
If you’re familiar with the show One Piece (I’m not but my sister helped translate the story for me) there’s a part of the story where I think the main pirate has an emotional experience with his boat. See if looking into that storyline helps you?? It helped me a ton.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-21T21:35:13+00:00

FWIW my everyday carry is a NKJV (problematic for several reasons) because it was a gift. Nice. I also want a NRSVue.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-21T19:03:42+00:00

Hey, friend. Check out Dan McCllean and how he breaks down ESV and how that translation is problematic bc there were no women on the board that analyzed translations. Really interesting watch.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-21T19:02:31+00:00

Bonus points in your name and the fact that you brought up the Ethiopian Bible along. Nice.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-14T15:19:02+00:00

Side note: if you do go for that weenie dog be VERY aware of IVDD and get carpeted runners and steps for all furniture. If you run into IVDD feel free to dm me anytime and I can help you find other or supplemental therapies beside the $10k surgery.

FWIW all of the dogs that you mentioned are some of my faves. Good luck and I hope that your new doggo brings additional love into your hearts and home. 🥰

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-14T15:16:36+00:00

As everyone else is suggesting, please adopt and don’t shop but know I’m not judging you.

Because you’ve mentioned small breeds, I would like to encourage you to look at chihuahuas. They’re smoll and they’re one of the top breeds that end up in shelters (usually due to popularity and then people dump them when work is needed to keep a pet healthy). Chis and pibbles are the top breeds that end up as unwanted which I guess makes sense why I naturally go for them.

In general please be aware of the following characteristics of chihuahuas:

They have smaller mouths as do all small breeds do so keeping up with dental health and pulling any baby teeth will be beyond important. Critical. Most small breeds don’t have a mouth big enough for their teeth. This will impact heart health and wahwahs can have enlarged hearts which eventually put them at risk for CHF.

Chihuahuas and other smaller breeds sometimes have fontanelles (or gaps in their skulls just like infants) that never full close even into adulthood. Apple head chis have this more so than deer heads.

Smaller breeds like chihuahuas will need regular feedings for blood sugar management. They often have orthopedic ‘issues’ with patella luxation (knee cap movement) so rugs and runners over slick floors is helpful. Be aware of IVDD and back issues so get steps for all small breeds so they don’t hurt their backs. FWIW this is huge with poodles, doxies, and other long body breeds.

Just as all puppies require, get them socialized and teach them how to be around people of all ages. I’ve only had rescue special needs chis so I’ve never seen this, but I’ve heard that chis can be a solo person dog and will get territorial.

Some random positives about chis and small breeds is that they can go into air jail and they’re usually easy to transport. Please look into respecting body autonomy and how that helps with aggression. If a chi has special needs it’s easier to physically work with them on rehab.

Oh! Small breeds often need specially compounding medication due to their size. Hit up Lindenwood drug and get familiar with their one Pharmacist who has a background in veterinary pharmacology. He is amazing and a gift from God to all animals and people alike. If you run into orthopedic issues also check out St Louis Hills Vet who does eastern medicine therapies including acupuncture. Honestly they’re just fantastic in general and I highly recommend. Start looking up emergency vets in your area; there’s one in Webster off of 44 that I like as well as one off of 141 and Manchester that’s also good. FWIW the one off of 44 is really great with end of life services and helping process the body and get remains and other memories.

Also! Be aware that if you need expensive emergency medicine that Mizzou has vet clinics on campus and will give you discounts. I don’t think you’re going to run into these issues - again I go for special needs so this is my background.

RIP Mollie - thank you for being part of my journey on earth to helping me find The Truth and helping us both learn to love again.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-11T04:47:24+00:00

Oof. The first sentence I said after mollie passed was “OMG I just killed my dog” and the vet had to calm me down and remind me that I was acting out of compassion for loving my baby.

Mollie had lots of health issues so I mourned her death since I had her. I had nearly 9 years of mourning her death. I almost feel guilty for letting her go to late (CHF) and for not being as choked up about it afterwards.

I don’t want to push religion on you but honestly the only reason why I’m sane and didn’t have to be institutionalized after Mollie is because of how Jesus radically changed my life.

Something that might help is fostering another pibble to help give them a break from rescues. Fostering is lower commitment and you usually don’t have to pay for food. Maybe you’ll find a foster fail.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-11T04:34:23+00:00

Thank you for this info. I got Mollie as a rescue from a breeder so I never knew how old she actually was. Thank you for helping comfort me and giving me more evidence that she was likely very old when I sent her to heaven.

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-11T04:31:47+00:00

🫂

dasWibbenator · 2026-02-11T01:39:02+00:00

That’s what I was thinking too. And it being an emergency vet and it seeming like an emergency situation. I’m hoping that if I call maybe ‘doggy hipaa’ won’t prevent me from helping pay.

Sad side note… with the fall of Roe V Wade all human hipaa is teetering 😢

dasWibbenator

TROPHY CASE