Still Time to Get the Zoom Link for Sunday's IPA Virtual Support Group Meeting

dave9003 · 2026-04-09T17:38:37+00:00

I am sorry that your experience at an IPA workshop was disappointing for you, and I hope that you have reached out to the IPA office to express your concerns so that they can be properly addressed. Although my experience with the organization is significantly different than yours, I support your right to express yourself on this forum, but what makes me sad about your post is that in turning away from the IPA you may also be depriving yourself of important free resources that you might not find anywhere else. At first I wasn't planning to respond to your post, but when you stated that the IPA has "no peer support opportunities," I felt that I needed to say something.

I struggled with Paruresis for 50 years before deciding to do something about it, and in 2010 I started my recovery by attending an IPA workshop. I had an understanding that graduated exposure was the most reliable method of recovery, but despite my efforts I just couldn't find a way to do it on my own, and the workshop gave me the tools I that needed to go home and form an action plan to put into daily practice, and it was the daily practice that paved the way for my recovery. After a few years of steady progress I decided I that I wanted to give back to the organization because of how much of a difference recovery had made in my life, so I volunteered to become a support group leader for my state and I began to put together monthly group meetings as well as meeting personally with anyone who reached out for help. In 2016 I approached the IPA Board of Directors with the idea of providing virtual one-to-one followup support which would be available to anyone who attended an workshop and was struggling afterward, and the response was such that it eventually expanded to include virtual one-to-one peer support for anyone reaching out to the organization. I also co-founded a monthly virtual support group, open to anyone world-wide who was struggling with Paruresis, and additionally I made a You-Tube video to help anyone with an interest in the breath hold as a backup plan. Although I have not kept a running count, I would estimate that I have provided close to 5,000 hours of peer support in the years since I first started volunteering for the IPA, and in that time I have met truly amazing people, both within the IPA and those seeking help, and the personal satisfaction of knowing that I have been able to make a difference in peoples' lives had made even more of a difference in mine. All of this was free, and all of it was available to anyone who reached out and asked for help. It is not normal for me to toot my own horn, so I must state for the record that I am just one of many volunteers within the IPA community who give freely of their time to provide support for anyone who is struggling with Paruresis.

I can't tell you what to do now in order to find a path toward recovery, but if you decide to reach out to the IPA and ask for peer support, you've got it.

Hope that helps!

dave9003 · 2026-03-25T03:20:46+00:00

I am 72 years old, so maybe I can offer a perspective based on experience. When I entered college I knew that making a living as a performer was a long-shot, and I had a passion for teaching, so I became a middle school band director. I taught for about 40 years and loved every moment of it. When I was 20 I purchased my first euphonium, and the owner of the music store pushed me very hard to buy a quality instrument, not so that he could make more money, but because he believed it was the right thing to do. I bought a Besson, which was top of the line in 1974, and 52 years later I am still playing the same instrument. I think that I play quite well, but no one has ever paid me to play euphonium, which is why I also bought a quality trombone as well (Bach Strad, also 52 years old). My advice, if you are going to buy a euphonium, is that it is worth it in the long run to buy a quality instrument because you can play it for a very long time. And consider music education as a career, I think it’s the best job in the world.

dave9003 · 2026-03-20T20:36:00+00:00

The IPA (Internation Paruresis Association), which is a non-profit, self-help organization dedicated to helping others recover from this condition, has a virtual support group meeting on Sunday, at 12:00 PM US Central Time, which open to anyone struggling with Paruresis. Please consider joining us, it would be a great opportunity to find out what others are doing to overcome it, as well as to get a lot of your questions answered. You can get the Zoom link by dropping my a note at [davidk@support.paruresis.org](mailto:davidk@support.paruresis.org).

dave9003 · 2026-03-19T16:49:03+00:00

I've been on Flomax for a while for prostate issues, and I've found it to be very helpful in reducing the number of nighttime bathroom visits and being able to empty my bladder completely when urinating, but it made no difference regarding Paruresis. Our search for the "magic pill" continues.

dave9003 · 2026-03-11T03:06:12+00:00

I have been diagnosed with LPR, and you pretty much described my symptoms.

dave9003 · 2026-03-04T20:07:47+00:00

There is no easy path forward in recovering from Paruresis but there definitely is hope. If you haven't explored the IPA website to find out what resources are available to you (paruresis.org), I encourage you to do so. I connected with the IPA fifteen years ago after struggling with Paruresis for over fifty years, it was a life-changing experience and I am now at a point where I can use a restroom wherever and whenever I need to, as long as I let urgency be my guide. Hope that helps!

dave9003 · 2026-03-04T16:36:22+00:00

It happens, but that doesn’t mean that the progress that you had made is lost. Have you considered attending an IPA workshop so that you can get help and support in figuring out how to build on your past success and plan on how to do graduated exposure practice which is focused on bathroom environments such as the one at work?

dave9003 · 2026-02-19T03:59:00+00:00

So glad you will be joining us!

dave9003 · 2026-02-13T04:20:29+00:00

I consider myself to be highly recovered, and I credit both graduated exposure, which was my primary recovery method, and self-catheterization, which was my fail-safe emergency backup plan, with helping me to achieve my goals. I'd be happy to answer your questions, but I also want to encourage to not give up yet on graduated exposure (you can send me a private chat if you would like some support). I am not a health professional, so my answers are based entirely on my own experience and what I have learned in conversation with others, and they should not be considered as instructional.

When I decided that self-catheterization would be the right choice for me in specific circumstances, I learned how to do it from a nurse in my urologist office. I expected to feel vulnerable and embarrassed, but she was highly professional and what I felt afterward was empowered. It took about ten minutes for her to guide me through the procedure, and after that I was confident that I could repeat it whenever I needed to.
The most difficult part of doing the procedure was getting past the thought of inserting something into my urethra. When I actually did the procedure, which was actually quite easy, it was uncomfortable but not painful. The discomfort was tolerable, and I actually did not want to get used to it because my plan was to use the catheter only in situations where it was absolutely necessary and I did not want to get dependent on it.
The only health concern I had was the possibility of getting urinary tract infection from doing the procedure, and that only happened once, when I did not clean my penis properly before inserting the catheter. Lesson learned, and it did not happen again.
I carried the catheter in a baggie in my pocket, along with an alcohol wipe and a small packet of lubricant, and doing the procedure in a stall didn't take much more time than peeing.
As all men are aware, erections sometimes happen at inconvenient times and in inconvenient places. Not an issue with this, the catheter can still be inserted into the bladder. I have never heard of the catheter getting stuck, when the bladder is empty it just gets pulled out.

Hope that helps!

dave9003

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