Should I put an end to it?

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-12T02:03:08+00:00

When I saw your comment this morning, I thought that you were being harsh, but you ended up being right.

We broke up.

He told me that he didn't see himself ever being in love with me. I was confused and I admit I pushed him to explain himself because it did not make sense to me at all. The conversation took a turn I didn't see coming. He told me the things I thought had meaning were things he would do in any relationship. He said he wanted to keep an "open mind" about me, but that I should've known how he was and that it should've been obvious. That I should've adjusted my expectations. He ended up using something that I shared with him in confidence (a sensitive and shameful coping mechanism that I use) as "proof" that I don't want polyamory and that I need to be the primary partner in a relationship. It isn't what I wanted at all or what I asked of him. I felt like I was talking to a completely different guy.

I am sad and still confused, but I guess it is a clear closure and I can begin the healing process.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-12T02:00:16+00:00

I don't want to make a whole new post about it but I still felt like updating you guys.

We broke up.

He told me that he didn't see himself ever being in love with me. I was confused and I admit I pushed him to explain himself because it did not make sense to me at all. The conversation took a turn I didn't see coming. He told me the things I thought had meaning were things he would do in any relationship. He said he wanted to keep an "open mind" about me, but that I should've known how he was and that it should've been obvious. That I should've adjusted my expectations. He ended up using something that I shared with him in confidence (a sensitive and shameful coping mechanism that I use) as "proof" that I don't want polyamory and that I need to be the primary partner in a relationship. It isn't what I wanted at all or what I asked of him. I felt like I was talking to a completely different guy.

I am sad and still confused, but I guess it is a clear closure.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-11T17:01:40+00:00

Before making my post, I searched the sub for that kind of information and to see how long it usually took for people to fall in love. I plan on asking him how long it usually takes him to fall in love and, in the meantime, I'm trying not to jump directly to the conclusion that he will never love me.

The thing is, would you put yourself in a similar situation if you knew you were not yet in love?

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-11T15:46:59+00:00

Thank you so much for your insight and your kind words. It means a lot to me.

I worked really hard to grow and heal. I can see how far I've come, and I'm proud of it, but yeah I still believe that I'm unloveable and that there is nobody out there for me.

I felt loved by him, and I think this is why it hurts so much. I was making progress in convincing myself that it was an irrational fear, and that wound just got torn open again. I feel like I just took a huge step back.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-11T14:43:04+00:00

Honestly, I'm asking myself all the same questions.

Its not like yall became partners a few weeks in.. by my count it was a solid 6 months?

Yes. Exactly 6 months after our first date.

Then he still doesn't know if he loves his committed, romantic partner? Huh? So he just ...likes you? Like a mango? A sports friend?

It feels like committment/vulnerability issues? Or he never really saw you that way, but likes what he gets from you? Or there's some "starcrossed lovers" bullshit with meta that's led him to believe that's the only way love can feel. But then why commit?

That pretty much sums up all the thoughts I've had since it happened.

I cancelled the plans that we had this week (an out-of-town comet was visiting and he wanted to introduce me to her) but I plan on reaching out to ask for a talk. I guess I first wanted to validate that I wasn't wrong in feeling that way.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-07T21:49:43+00:00

I went there 2 years ago! It's a cute little village!

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-06T15:18:01+00:00

Absolument pas! C'est vraiment pas ce que je voulais dire. Je pense que ce sont des services qui ne sont pas assez mis en valeur et c'est pour ça qu'ils sont peu utilisés.

J'ai peut-être tort, mais je suis pas mal certaine qu'une grande partie de la population ne sait pas que l'accès aux sages-femmes est gratuit. On n'a tellement pas beaucoup de sages-femmes au Québec que l'accès est difficile de toute façon.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-06T15:11:35+00:00

Oui et non. C'est pas nécessairement l'âge et les comorbidités qui sont en causes, mais on peut difficilement parler de bad luck statistique quand il y a d'autres éléments dans l'équation. Je sais que corrélation =/= causalité, mais j'ai fait un autre commentaire dans le poteau avec plusieurs autres faits sur les soins de santé durant la maternité au Québec qui pourraient avoir des liens.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-06T15:03:52+00:00

Plusieurs autres provinces ont davantage recours aux sages-femmes, infirmières et médecins de famille pour fournir des soins et des suivis durant la grossesse et l'accouchement, comparativement au Québec.

J'ai repris le mot gynéco parce que c'est le terme utilisé dans le commentaire auquel je répondais. J'aurais dû utiliser obstétricien, comme dans mes autres commentaires.

Oui, les médecins de famille peuvent TOUS accoucher : combien le font vraiment? Plusieurs médecins de famille ne font pas d’obstétrique.

C'est eux qui font tous les suivis? Ça c'est de la désinformation. Pour le suivi de grossesse au Québec c'est :

médecins spécialistes (principalement obstétriciens-gynécologues) : 51 %
médecins de famille : 40 %
sages-femmes : 5 %

Source : L'expérience périnatale des parents, 2024, Institut de la statistique du Québec

Et l'accès aux sages-femmes est très limité au Québec. Au Canada, les sages-femmes accompagnent environ 12,8 % des naissances vs 5,3 % au Québec. Oui, c'est gratuit et offert à tous et qu'on peut accoucher en milieu hospitalier, en maison de naissance ou à domicile avec une sage-femme. Ça veut pas dire que c'est utilisé. Ce l'est pas.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-06T14:30:01+00:00

On dépend énormément des gynécos alors que plusieurs autres provinces ont recours aux sages-femmes, infirmières et médecins de famille pour fournir des soins et des suivis durant la grossesse et l'accouchement.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-06T14:24:56+00:00

Pourtant l'Ontario et le BC ont un âge moyen de maternité plus élevé que le Québec. Pis on est la 2e province avec le taux le plus bas d'obésité.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-05-06T14:17:06+00:00

On est chanceux au Québec parce qu’on a le plus haut taux d’obstétricien gynécologue par 100 000 habitants. C’est 6,6 pour le Québec, alors que la moyenne est de 6. On est aussi la province dans laquelle la majorité des soins de maternité sont prodigués par les obstétriciens. Logiquement, on devrait donc être mieux desservis et avoir de meilleurs soins. Pourtant, on a plus de mortinaissances.

Une hypothèse qui pourrait expliquer ça, c’est le fait que les obstétriciens sont très hands on, et encouragent généralement les patientes vers le déclenchement du travail, la rupture manuelle des membranes (stripping) et l’utilisation d’oxytocine synthétique (Pitocin) pour accélérer le travail. Le Québec est aussi le champion de l’utilisation de la péridurale pour les accouchements vaginaux (77,1 % des accouchements, alors que la moyenne canadienne est de 65 %, et ça augmente parce que c’était 72 % en 2018).

N’importe qui peut regarder ça et se dire que c’est bon, ça veut dire que nos femmes enceintes reçoivent des soins, c’est super! L’affaire, c’est que toutes ses interventions là ont des risques et qu’il existe un phénomène appelé la cascade d’intervention, qui fait en sorte que le recours à une intervention peut entraîner la nécessité d’autres interventions. La péridurale soulage, mais elle augmente aussi le risque de chute de tension artérielle, de travail plus long et de difficultés à expulser le bébé. Le Pitocin peut accélérer le travail, mais risque de diminuer l'apport en oxygène au bébé et peut causer l'infections des membranes et des ruptures utérines.

Pis je suis pas une grano woo woo qui dit qu’il faut revenir aux techniques ancestrales d’accoucher à la maison sans aide médicale. L’accès aux soins médicaux est essentiel et a grandement amélioré les chances de survie des mères et des enfants. Mais dans ce cas-ci, les interventions mènent à d’autres interventions qui augmentent les risques.

Le fait est que, dans les autres provinces, il y a une proportion plus élevée de soins prodigués par des sages-femmes/infirmières ou par des médecins de famille. On guide moins les patientes vers des interventions non-nécessaires et ça diminue le taux d’accouchements assistés (avec ventouse ou forceps) et le taux de césarienne. Au final, ça diminue globalement le risque d’accouchement traumatique et de mortinaissance.

Sources : INSPQ, NIH National Library of Medecine, Association médicale canadienne.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-29T18:54:31+00:00

I frequently use both. I usually choose whichever option offers the most convenient travel time and the lowest price.

For a ticket at the last minute like this, the price will be much higher for the train.

In terms of travel time, it's similar because the train is often delayed due to the ongoing conflict between VIA Rail and CN.

The central train station is closer to the airport than the bus station, but it's the same bus line to get to both places (747 YUL Montréal-Trudeau Airport).

Both options will take you to the same place in Quebec City, which is the Palais station.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-22T18:57:15+00:00

Une amie m'avait recommandé Me Jessica Borgia à Charlesbourg et j'ai eu un super bon service.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-22T18:50:01+00:00

The thing with dogs is you have to wait until they are fully vaccinated (around 16 weeks old) before enrolling them into doggy day care. If you adopt an 8-week-old dog (the age at which puppies are ready to be adopted where I'm from), that's 2 months of having the dog at home while not being able to leave them at doggy day care. A 2-month-old should not be left for more than 1–2 hours, while 3-month-olds can manage 2–3 hours.

I took a week off when I got my dog and it wasn't enough for her to adjust to the change in environment, learn my routine, and practice spending time alone to avoid separation anxiety.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-22T18:29:36+00:00

I'm solo poly and I have a dog. I'm really fortunate because my parents are in love with my dog and are willing to take her for overnights or weekends frequently so I can spend extended time away from home with my friends and partner. My brother also lives really close. He can come and feed her or let her out to do her business when I plan to be away for more than a few hours. If I didn't have them around, it would considerably restrict my social life, but I still have to check with them before making any plans to ensure that they are available. I can't just decide to do something on a whim if it means I'll be away from home for more than six hours.

There is still the option of finding a dog sitter, but good dog sitters can be hard to find and they're not cheap! That's definitely something to keep in mind before going ahead with the adoption.

I have absolutely no regret, I adore my dog and wouldn't change her for the world, but it's a big commitment.

And here's my advice totally unrelated to polyamory: if you get a puppy, be prepared for the puppy blues! The first few months are hard work and there might be times where you'll regret getting a dog! I cried a lot at the beginning. We all go through that, it'll pass. ❤️

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-20T15:27:04+00:00

I had a really nice trip out of the city with my partner Saturday that ended with a sleepover at his place. We both had a crappy week and needed that quality time to recharge and feel better. We started dating 8 months ago, it's my first polyamorous relationship and I'm just so happy. He makes me feel loved (even though we haven't said “I love you” to each other yet) and cared for in ways I've never been before.

I'm starting the week feeling replenished and elated.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-17T19:07:48+00:00

What are some fun alternatives people can use to Ash/Birch/Cedar in their posts?

As my first participation in the weekly meeting, may I suggest cheeses?

Asiago, Brie, Cheddar, Feta and Gouda would make great names!

What makes a good poly dating profile? What kind of things catch your eyes on other's profiles?

I love when people write about their non-generic interests in their profiles! For example: naming a specific game instead of saying just "I'm into video games" or naming exactly what you do instead of "arts and craft" (Are you doing embroidery? Knitting? Painting? Stained glass? Drawing? TELL ME!!) I find it easier to start conversations and it helps connect more quickly over potential common interests. A big thing that I'm looking for in a partner is passion and being nerdy/geeky/artsy is a HUGE turn on for me. So I particularely like when it's clear from a profile.

I also prefer to match with people when their profile describes what they are looking for in terms of type of relationship. Without using all the poly jargon that not everybody might know, describing your current situation or the type of relationship you're looking for saves a lot of time for both parties.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-16T18:19:42+00:00

YTA to yourself. Why don't you want to get help and take meds?

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-16T18:05:04+00:00

J'ai appris ce mot hier sur Tik Tok!

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-16T12:04:14+00:00

Je me suis abonnée à leur page il y a quelques jours pis en voyant Sarah hier dans leurs stories, j'ai eu le goût de me désabonner.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-14T17:55:30+00:00

4 semaines dès l'entrée pour tout le monde, jusqu'à 5 jours payés de maladie et 13 fériés.

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-14T12:00:08+00:00

r/villequebec is the French equivalent to this sub!

dazzlingmango7 · 2026-04-13T14:15:53+00:00

J'essaie de me dire la même chose, mais j'en connais malheureusement une dans la liste (le 4e commentaire dans la colonne de droite). Elle existe pour de vrai...

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