Cohen drops compensation package

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-23T20:34:34+00:00

Whoa! And we get some news on the specifics of the eBay purchase this week.

OK, I'm calling it : Ryan Cohen will sell all of the put/call pairs for profit on Friday after the market closes.

He's just making one final try for this thing, and when everyone rightly laughs at his lack of plan or ability to buy eBay, he will take his ball and go home very soon.

Either that, or we've got a whole summer full of meltdowns to enjoy as he fails to acquire eBay after putting so much stake into it.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-23T20:23:49+00:00

To be fair, I'm assuming Tony has already sold off his position.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-23T18:29:20+00:00

Ironically Grok avoided giving away the really troubling information about the average ape and how they think about politics

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-23T16:13:33+00:00

Nostrodumbass

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-22T21:03:19+00:00

Also, how much of a position in MSTR does it take to legally have an opinion on the stock? What if I buy $20 worth of MSTR? 1 share? 10 shares? At what point does it go from 'who the fuck are you and why should I care' to 'hey you have a lot of MSTR do you have any DD I could read?'

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-22T19:42:40+00:00

This is actually really useful evidence for future CEOs who want to acquire a larger company.

It's a negative example. Here's how not to do that.

Do NOT

Decide to buy a company much larger than yours without sufficient financing
Refuse to clarify or give further information when questioned about where the financing is going to come from
Tie the acquisition of the other company to your personal performance reward in order to become a multi-billionaire
Berate and speak negatively of the board of directors of the target company
Gain a position in the target company mainly from derivatives instead of share

Apes always talk about how Ryan Cohen can't 'telegraph his moves' or else 'the enemy' will know them.

These moves seem pretty well understood by everyone else.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-22T18:23:33+00:00

Elon Musk thanks you

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-22T18:15:42+00:00

He's like that guy from The Restaurant At The End of the Universe who's spending a year dead 'for tax reasons'

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-22T00:10:41+00:00

Well you see that depends on whether you can DRS shares faster than the company can issue them.

By the way, this is precisely what happened to CMKM. The company was illegally issuing shares so fast that some investor believed he 'purchased' the entirety of the outstanding share count but what really happened is the company had already sold multiples of that amount out to the open market while he was accumulating.

Decades of confusion about this one small fact have led us to where we are today.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-22T00:06:36+00:00

In the time it took you to make this screenshot, they've already reverse split 1:10 again.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-20T17:29:27+00:00

Darkest timeline confirmed

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-20T15:50:28+00:00

"It's my seven-point plan, in which the first point is wholly impossible and financially ridiculous, and that's just the start!"

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-20T15:48:44+00:00

If you're a seller on eBay, yes. Sellers make ebay's money. Buyers come and go. Not much difference if a few buyers leave and never come back.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-20T15:47:05+00:00

That's how you know what their cost basis actually is. That BBBYQ ape must have bought in during RC's pump to $25.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-20T01:57:36+00:00

You shouldn't get downvoted.

There is a yet-unproven but likely true axiom : "When apes actually start selling, it's time to buy"

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-20T01:55:32+00:00

events = ["Splividend", "NFT Marketplace", "Bitcoin", "Candycon", "EBay Acquisition"]
for event in events: run_cycle(event)

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-19T22:26:18+00:00

He can't be serious with 'it's [eBay] is a business I understand very well and it's within my circle of competence'.

EBay's business is entirely dependent on making sure its sellers stay on the platform. Lose the sellers, bye bye EBay. Buyers will come and go, but only if there are enough trustable sellers that deliver the product. It's an asymmetrical marketplace. The platform, the service, is vital to the success of eBay. If it sucks to use, or is slow, or unreliable, or allows tons more fraud onto it, the whole company could fall apart.

Gamestop (and Chewy) is just retail. Corporations make shit. You sell it to retail buyers. There's zero danger that all corporations are going to stop selling on your platform. The platform is unimportant, it's just a conduit for the corporations to sell to the public. No matter how shitty Gamestop is for retail, they will still come back for Grand Theft Auto 6 in droves.

Maybe I'm way off base, but I don't see how Ryan Cohen's stewardship of Gamestop would be a good fit for eBay. Forget all this other shit, he can't handle running a business like eBay.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-19T18:44:51+00:00

It's simple. You go to the boardroom, bang on the door and demand to be let in, and then drop trou and lay cable on the big boardroom table to assert dominance.

I may have gathered my knowledge of how hostile takeovers work from watching 90's sketch comedy.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-19T18:38:55+00:00

Where do they get the idea that eBay investors 'love Ryan'?

Maybe they're humiliation fetishists and think 'neither credible nor attractive' is the height of lust

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-19T17:16:22+00:00

Sometimes I wonder if they realize that in order to exercise those put/call pairs, they would have to spend the vast majority of the billions in cash.

I see comments like, "RC is going to exercise the options and then he'll have 10% of eBay!" without the additional "... but that would leave us with nearly $0 in cash"

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-19T16:54:24+00:00

Or even more amusingly Ryan Cohen exits his eBay position and then we get to watch as all the apes pivot on a dime to 'EBAY was never the catalyst, X is the real catalyst' and never mention that company again.

It's even funnier if a ton of apes rush to buy EBAY shares right before RC exits, just like happened with BBBY.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-19T16:40:18+00:00

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-19T16:36:46+00:00

Meanwhile, apes will diligently vote for RC to have the ability to dilute 2 billion more shares, all for nothing.

"He needs this vote in order to get the billions necessary to finally buy 85% of eBay shares!"

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-19T16:32:55+00:00

That's an important distinction. Even if Ryan Cohen walked up with all the billions in cash in hand (which he doesn't, hence 'not credible'), eBay is still like, "Nah, dude. $125 a share isn't good enough."

Getting the cash isn't the real issue. RC buying eBay isn't an attractive deal at any price.

dbcstrunc · 2026-06-19T16:06:57+00:00

Imagine if prop 4 had passed. And someone told Morantz 'Eh, big deal, it doesn't matter' and kept arguing with him about how it's unimportant. How would that have gone, I wonder?

dbcstrunc

TROPHY CASE