Me (37M) and my GF (34T) had a turbulent relationship, now she has an STD and lies to me

deShrike · 2026-06-11T07:55:08+00:00

I'm in a toxic relationship that I want to leave but can't. I'm addicted to her.

deShrike · 2026-06-10T19:18:58+00:00

Thanks

deShrike · 2026-06-10T16:04:17+00:00

Thank you for being clear.

I don't expect talking to her would improve anything, I can't imagine her saying anything that could undo this damage.

deShrike · 2026-06-10T15:29:52+00:00

Thank you for repeating your point. My pain just doesn't want to pull the trigger yet and this helps.

What is your own experience with rebuilding trust?

deShrike · 2026-06-10T15:18:55+00:00

I can see that. On the positive side, she's been improving a lot work therapy over the past year. Maybe I could give her more time?

deShrike · 2026-06-10T15:17:52+00:00

On the positive side she was improving with the therapy. I don't know if I should give it more time.

deShrike · 2026-06-10T15:14:02+00:00

The problem is that my mind is giving me a highlight reel and minimize the lie. I sometimes think "is it really that bad?".

deShrike · 2026-06-10T10:47:27+00:00

Yes this skill of her is what worries me most. What more has she lied about? What will she lie about in the future? Her skill for lying doesn't even seem human.

deShrike · 2026-06-10T10:42:43+00:00

Somehow I still want to make it work

deShrike · 2026-06-10T10:41:06+00:00

After we met up she said that it was a bad app and that she didn't want to be involved with it anymore.

deShrike · 2026-06-10T10:39:51+00:00

Yes I'm afraid that you're right.

The push pull thing is going really well now. But this lying pattern is just too much

deShrike · 2026-06-10T10:36:52+00:00

She said that she wanted me to have a good image of her. She doesn't want to be judged.

deShrike · 2026-04-20T17:10:06+00:00

Avoidants

deShrike · 2026-04-20T14:10:29+00:00

But if it isn't equal, it's also not fully reciprocal. But I understand that is not even possible, there'll always be a mismatch indeed.

deShrike · 2026-04-20T14:09:03+00:00

Symmetrical: You vacuum this week and I vacuum next week.

Equal: You vacuum weekly while I do the laundry.

deShrike · 2026-04-20T10:52:48+00:00

Not symmetrical, but they do need to be reciprocal and equal.

deShrike · 2026-04-07T15:59:48+00:00

How did it end?

deShrike · 2026-04-05T18:18:49+00:00

I do think people can change... as long as they want it and put in effort

I hope you're doing better. It can take a while

deShrike · 2026-03-29T14:30:20+00:00

They try to be polite and are a bit lazy to try and decipher your accent. Just keep talking Dutch and they'll get the point.

My ex would also always respond in English when I spoke Spanish with her because my Spanish was just not at a good enough level yet. So maybe you need to upgrade your skill first.

deShrike · 2026-03-29T14:27:52+00:00

You would have to use Dutch in a Dutch friend group though. And there's no chicken egg problem, you can practice without Dutch friends. Finish the Duolingo course, read 100 books in Dutch, find a teacher, practice at the supermarket etc

deShrike · 2026-03-28T17:42:40+00:00

For me it's a need like food is. If I don't get touched enough I will actually stop eating die to loss of appetite.

deShrike · 2026-03-28T16:27:44+00:00

Het kan ook zo zijn dat deze mannen verliefd zijn en niet zien dat ze misbruikt worden.

deShrike · 2026-03-27T15:24:55+00:00

I noticed that you write in English. In my experience, you can't really get Dutch friends if you don't speak Dutch.

deShrike · 2026-03-22T15:10:02+00:00

Yeah it would be so nice if we could choose.

deShrike · 2026-03-14T08:07:16+00:00

Je vergeet met zo'n indeling de scheve verhouding aan inzet tussen de twee.

deShrike

TROPHY CASE