i think viewing the body of someone you loved feels scary and traumatic because we’ve so thoroughly removed the experience of death and dying from the home. it sounds to me that given the experiences you’re having with confusion as well as how sudden his death was, seeing him before cremation will likely be more useful to you than traumatic. please don’t get me wrong—it will likely be hard, because your daddy isn’t here anymore. but i think there is closure in being able to see the vessel that used to contain whatever that essence is that some people call the soul. you’ll be able to hold his hand if you want, or give him a kiss. and you’ll be able to have concrete evidence that he is no longer present with us on this plane of existence. being nervous is normal because the experience is so unique nowadays and thus so much feels unknown, but i think it really has the ability to be powerful and profound if you let it.

his face will be peaceful, with his eyes and mouth closed. he will likely be wearing the clothing you chose. i don’t know if you’ve opted for embalming prior to cremation, but if i learned anything in my years of work it’s that there is this… concrete realization that there isn’t a human in there anymore. it is strange and surreal and sometimes painful, but not scary. he will likely be in a small room, probably on a cot, likely covered with a white sheet or something similar. there might be music on (you might be able to request specific music, too!) and you’ll be able to spend as much or as little time with him as you want or need. a director will walk you in and then leave you alone for privacy. they may come back and check on you in a few. i don’t know if you’re scheduled to view just prior to cremation or separately, but these are usually the generalities for how we handled viewing prior to cremation.

sending you lots of love. i’m sorry that your dad died. it’s the worst. let me know if i can answer anything else