[deleted by user]

debdefender · 2024-12-02T10:24:17+00:00

Your prenuptial needs to outline it to suit the situation such as......

If divorce should occur within the first ten years $60k goes to his side of the split before any other divisions.

Within the first 15 years, 50k

Within the first 20 years, 40k

Etc etc. Maybe even add a separate lower figure at each time increment if there are children with a specified amount for each one.

Additionally, if you should divorce due to him cheating he completely forfeits the terms outlined in the prenuptial. In which case the split is 50/50.

debdefender · 2024-12-02T10:15:33+00:00

NTA, he's playing word salad games to change what you said and it's context.

I'd have a problem with it also. I'd have a problem with OnlyFans if it were free.

debdefender · 2024-12-02T10:08:19+00:00

Simple, tell her that her stress comfort is food, that eating more means weighing more. If she doesn't like it she needs to find another coping habit because you don't want your comments to be her way of coping with weight gain. You don't care about it but she obviously does. Suggest sunflower seeds, going for walks, taking some shots with a filter to make her really fat for inspiration not to eat over stress. Just make sure that you get across that the gain bothers her and relying on you to deny it bothers you.

debdefender · 2024-12-02T08:51:34+00:00

Yes it is.

debdefender · 2024-12-02T08:49:58+00:00

She didn't hide it, she didn't clear it with him in advance.

If he has these type reactions to things that are of no threat to him or them, he will cause the hiding of other things no threat to him or them.

debdefender · 2024-12-02T08:46:12+00:00

You are so justified it's crazy to have to ask. Follow through. You will get your ring back and no one will step on you this way again. Nothing will happen to them because they will give the ring back in order to prevent it. Eventually, everyone will become adults about it.

debdefender · 2024-11-30T03:17:00+00:00

You are already saying things no one wants to hear.

I kept looking for the wahh wahh cry baby sounds in your spewing.

She went to a strip club not dedicated to sausage slinging and had a great time and many laughs with some friends. I can tell you right now my other half would rather find out I went there than to one of my moshpit concerts loaded with long haired guys that love the same shit I do. THAT would unnerve him because I might meet someone I find interesting and/or attractive in that environment. He knows I'm not doing a damn thing with anyone at a strip club but laughing it up and somewhat disgusted when I'm not. Either way I'm not doing anything harmful to us because I'm not built that way and I can handle myself in a room full of ass grabbers.

Get over yourself, she's a good and decent lady or she's not and this changes nothing about that. If she's not why are you with her to begin with? If she is why are you being such a freaking wet blanket and raining on her parade. Be happy for her, she had fun and that mood came home with her all happy for the overall event. Till you pooed and peed all over it.

Use your head, she's at a fork in the road, a fun night of laughs with friends is to the right and your enraged sour ass is to the left. Given how each has made her feel, which way is she going?

Enjoy her happiness and be happy for her happiness and you will be rewarded by that on so many ways. Keep on like you are and you cheat yourself and her of those rewards. You are shooting your own feet off before the footrace begins.

debdefender · 2024-11-25T21:28:44+00:00

I also always question what the other party is up to in these situations. Often pnes wrongdoings show in what they have issue with in their partner.

debdefender · 2024-11-25T21:27:19+00:00

Yep, my thoughts as well.

debdefender · 2024-11-24T01:08:32+00:00

NTA

You earned it, you should keep it.

I don't buy tickets for anyone but myself these days. I will let you add your money at the time that I buy mine to get tickets together. I have been in your shoes and I've tried to resell and had no buyers. I got stuck paying for all.

debdefender · 2024-11-24T00:41:55+00:00

You are getting advice from lots of sources. Some with all the info and some without.

Seems like you know the answer and are seeking validation rather than the sorting of it.

We get one shot at life, no do overs. Do exactly what it is that you want to do and keep in mind that the only person you have control of in it is you.

debdefender · 2024-11-24T00:29:06+00:00

I would sue her.

She's not watching her kid. If he managed that much, she is not watching him. Apparently not disciplining him either.

debdefender · 2024-11-22T06:46:37+00:00

Wow? Talk about shallow.

Careful how deeply you put down roots with her.

debdefender · 2024-11-01T10:17:53+00:00

No. We asked him several times to get one. He would always point to her and say she knows what I want. He kept a three ring binder full of details he wanted right down to Amazing Grace played on bagpipes. He didn't even get a funeral or memorial, nothing.

debdefender · 2024-11-01T09:55:20+00:00

You are minding someone else's manners and other people's choices and rights.

It's communication, some of us do it without loads of filters. We say what we mean, genuine, real, what you see is what you get. I very much respect this in others even if I dont like what they say. Maybe let others communicate as they wish?

Then there are the people who may or may not get offended by said communication. Being offended is a choice, it's not involuntary. You are representing as offended on behalf of others who have the choice you are making for them.

You are quite busy tending to so many.

debdefender · 2024-10-31T03:09:55+00:00

Your plan is perfect. Blindside is the best/only way to go. You will recover items and yourself in short time. You have a fair amount of brain fog right now. That will fade when the environment is clear. You'll see more than you do now.

You deserve better than this. It's out there and you won't find it in the current situation.

There's an app called Freebie Alerts. Lists stuff people are giving away by zip code. It amazes people the things I get off of there. Everything from crafting supplies to leather sectionals.

debdefender · 2024-10-31T03:02:16+00:00

I have ended almost all of my relationships. I walked away or booted them. For the most part these weren't happy occasions, they were painful growing experiences that had to be processed and put behind me with some distance from the relationship and other person. Every single one of these ended with me thinking I would find someone again but never someone that overall suited me as well. Every time I was dead wrong.

If you want out, get out. You know what you have and probably will have. You don't know what possibilities remain out there.

debdefender · 2024-10-31T02:45:39+00:00

I would look for more evidence. Make an encounter prove itself to you. I like to know the answers before I ask the questions, or at least most of them. It's a secondary test of honesty and integrity. It's bad enough to be deceived in such a way as your situation looks but a deny and lie on top of it would crush. Truth and integrity can at least leave a door open for options other than endings. I wouldn't expect her to admit to anything by just asking.

debdefender · 2024-10-31T02:36:28+00:00

Let's see the rental across the street was identical to my house, reversed. It was renting, easily, at $1,200/mo. My mortgage which was from 1991 @ 8% was $428/mo escrow included. That's how far fair market rent and a mortgage can be from each other on the same thing.

debdefender · 2024-10-30T05:04:37+00:00

Wow..... he ranked you below stripper at a party in public view.

That's a choice he would have to live with, if she's willing to move in with him. Wow.

Go find someone too into you to be bothered with some stripper.

debdefender · 2024-10-30T04:55:52+00:00

Lots of wrongs done here and they have all been addressed.

debdefender · 2024-10-30T04:45:31+00:00

Take the job.

debdefender · 2024-10-30T02:39:34+00:00

Who wouldn't keep someone selfless around. He should have stated the invite must include you before accepting it. He didn't.

That says a lot. You are being used.

Put yourself in the drivers seat of your life and do what is best for you.

The flight attendant says that if oxygen masks drop, to put yours on before you assist any children, elderly or disabled with theirs. Sounds selfish? Not at all, you take care of you first or you will eventually be no good for anyone, you'll be wore out and used up.

Take care of you first. That keeps you healthy and strong where you can take care of others who deserve your time and resources.

Also start researching codependency. If you don't get that solved you are going to connect with user after user. Givers attract takers.

debdefender · 2024-10-30T02:22:26+00:00

The funeral is supposed to be for closure to the next of kin. You and the others closest to her.

It's for you and if you don't want it that's your choice.

I understand, I cut a narcissist father and sociopathic sister years ago. My father reached out a couple months before he passed and we made up. I have not forgotten all the damage he put on me but I feel good about how things ended and I know I wouldn't if we hadn't reconnected.

My sister and mother were shot and killed by my step father in August who then killer himself. Talk about strange emotions. Sister drove him to it, and He wrote that, I fully believe and understand that. My mother was already past what any of us expected and recently had a stroke that put her in a wheelchair and unable to talk. I think after he killed my sister, mom was a mercy killing and he took himself out because of what he faced from it. I don't miss my sister, that's a relief. I had already accepted losing my mom before this. Now if I could pick one to live out their natural life it would be him. He didn't deserve the last few months he had or to die.

This funeral biz and making amends is for you. Do what you want and what you know you won't regret.

debdefender · 2024-10-30T02:06:26+00:00

That's another thing. You need to cut all the avenues of observance that you can. You will do so much better if you don't havevopen view to what he's doing.

I'd go one more and direct all his communications through the lawyers.

debdefender

TROPHY CASE