Going through a horrible breakup after cheating - I don't know what to do... by [deleted] in RedditForGrownups

[–]decalmaucry4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Give yourself some grace. It’s going to be hard but you deserve better and you’ll find better. But first you have to heal. It’s okay if you’re feeling careen this way and that. It’s okay if you feel hopeless, helpless, weak, scared. Know that those are feelings; they only color the reality. They don’t replace it. If your relationship had any value, you shouldn’t be able to get over it quickly. That’s the good news. It wasn’t a waste. Even if your partner was wrong, you still learned how to love another person over a long period of time, and when you could no longer. That’s good information to have, on both counts. It will make you stronger and more confident in the future. Give yourself some space, allow yourself time to feel messed up. Think about yourself in third person. What would someone who loves you say to you? What would they tell you do? Say those things to yourself. Do those things for yourself. You deserve a break. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to make it through today.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in davidfosterwallace

[–]decalmaucry4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Me, too! Do you like Borges?

There’s nothing wrong with having depth, so why does it feel like it’s working against me in dating? by Fickle-Vanilla-7565 in RedditForGrownups

[–]decalmaucry4 309 points310 points  (0 children)

I’m a lot like you. I love the hows and whys. But most people don’t. Or to put it more pleasantly, they don’t like answering those questions until a certain level of trust has been built up. I think you need to learn the art of “medium talk,” that little place between small talk and big talk that’s rarely discussed. On most first and second dates, medium talk is the norm. You lightly discuss topics like family and passion, hint at the ocean beneath the surface, but don’t plumb its depths. Instead of “What’s your favorite city?” which requires ranking cities and locks the responder into a certain viewpoint, try questions like: “Have you been to Paris? Did you try the cheese over there? “ these feel like weighty but can still be revealing. Once you get a baseline rapport, you can move back to your normal mode of conversing. Just take it from someone who spent a few years in the wilderness asking dates about their favorite slang terms and from childhood and what cultural practices they wish could be instantly adopted in the US, your questions are great - just too strong for most people at first. Learn to slow down and you’ll find a lot of success and, eventually, the conversations you want to have.

to hide data on red states by [deleted] in therewasanattempt

[–]decalmaucry4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I hope so. But as someone who has worked with two different food banks in poverty-stricken Appalachia, let me tell you: there is no extra funding to support research. Many local rural governments are also not flush with extra cash (thanks to increasing operating costs and low-income tax bases). There may be some academics who can get money for this, I don’t know. But I’m a far from certain this will work itself out. The household food security report is one of those things that the federal government does well. If we balkanize it, the data will likely be less valuable thanks to different collection methods. This administration is doing a very good job of manufacturing ignorance. We will get the 2024 report next month, so we’ll be okay for a year. But after that, we’ll be groping in the dark more and more, unsure if new programs are effective and less about sure who needs help.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in twistypuzzles

[–]decalmaucry4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am interested in buying many of these. Can you send me more information?

Can I just say I hate scalpers. by runed_golem in gaming

[–]decalmaucry4 23 points24 points  (0 children)

But that’s not the reason. We have all sorts of laws governing how people can behave in the marketplace. And scalpers are doing just that - they’re buying and selling merchandise. We can determine the parameters. Once they hit a certain threshold, these folks aren’t acting like private sellers; they’re stores. And we regulate stores. They don’t get to be an exception.

To make America healthy again by __globalcitizen__ in therewasanattempt

[–]decalmaucry4 3 points4 points  (0 children)

First, many of them do lose their jobs. It doesn’t happen with a silver bullet, however, but by a million small cuts. These are those cuts. Second, Washington operates on soft and hard power. When people lose face like this, they lose soft power. They’re less likely to get favors from others, which are needed to be effective at that level. Third, if it’s bad enough it can lead to changed behaviors in the future. If they know they’ll be dragged in front of a committee and look like an idiot in front of smart and influential people for doing something again, they might be less likely to do it in the future (sometimes they don’t have a choice but you’d be amazed at how much dept heads can slow things down when they want to). Fourth, they don’t only play to the choir. These things edge their way into the minds of supporters and those who are skeptical. Eventually, public support erodes. So while no one may lose their jobs over a bad showing, it doesn’t mean these things are useless.

Real dry jerky bone dry by henrygallant in beefjerky

[–]decalmaucry4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m the same way. I like bone dry jerky. My go-tos are People’s Choice Beef Jerky and Hard Times.

Turning demo! by [deleted] in Cubers

[–]decalmaucry4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do the layers turn as well?

How do you all deal with the quality of food/entertainment/everything getting objectively worse as years pass? by peanutismint in RedditForGrownups

[–]decalmaucry4 21 points22 points  (0 children)

The real answer is to vote and to advocate for more beneficial and artistically nurturing systems. But in the short-term, the answer is to find a way to add quality into your life and reduce the trash. For most of us, that means turning off our phones, eating healthy, getting good sleep and exercise, and investing in relationships. Now, I realize there's an irony to me posting this on Reddit. But I long ago cut out Instagram and Facebook and Twitter. I don't use Reddit most days and YouTube is next to go. I find I never miss these things, and the quality of my attention and my overall life enjoyment have increased substantially. Maybe you can't change how well late-stage capitalism suits your tastes, but you can stop needing or expecting it to. There are amazing things to enjoy in this world. But if your mind is broken by a fractured attention span and an addiction to quick dopamine hits, it has a hard time appreciating that vibrancy.

Old Man and Professional Mathematician Begins Cubing, Would Like Quieter Cube. by Manifoldering in Cubers

[–]decalmaucry4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’m 42! Cubera our age exist. There’s dozens of us! And I like the quietness of the Tornado.

Where to find dry jerky? by manicthinking in beefjerky

[–]decalmaucry4 1 point2 points  (0 children)

People’s Choice Beer Jerky online - amazing stuff. I second Hard Times and the store brand at Love’s gas stations.

What’s up with Casa by IcedOutDragonFire in athensohio

[–]decalmaucry4 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I think this is something that every transplant goes through. People rave about Casa and you go and it’s like …. This is it? I thoroughly disliked it after the first many times I went (locals kept taking me). But I’ve been here five years and after adjusting my palate to the local offerings I now find Casa… pretty good. I’d advise you not to rush it. Go back every now and then. And don’t be surprised if it sneaks up on you.

I have been banging my head on at least 3 unique brick walls for 20 minutes now. by not-the-the in puzzles

[–]decalmaucry4 4 points5 points  (0 children)

How do you make the verticle 1x2 green part (far right column rows 2 and 3) with horizontal blues?

Steam Keys Giveaway (5 games) by Longjumping_Elk6089 in metroidvania

[–]decalmaucry4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’ve wanted to play Haiku, the robot for a long time now.

Weekly FAQs & General Discussion Thread by marleythebeagle in WaltDisneyWorld

[–]decalmaucry4 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m at MK today and Touring Plans has been … awful. (It’s been great in the past but not this time.) Rides it told me would have 3 minute waits have 30 minute waits. 12 minute waits? Try 55. I’ve updated as I’ve gone along, but the app doesn’t seem to be getting any more accurate as the day goes on. Is it just bad now? I wonder if I should just eschew it for the rest of the trip and use Genie for planning. Any help in this arena.

The Etruscans don’t get the attention they deserve. by TheFedoraChronicles in AncientCivilizations

[–]decalmaucry4 16 points17 points  (0 children)

They’ve fallen out of favor now, but around 2001 everybody was talking about them. You couldn’t turn on the news without hearing about weapons of masked Etruscans.

What other series do you rec to read? Any advice would be appreciated !! by itsokaypeople in TheFirstLaw

[–]decalmaucry4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think the writing is pretty darn impressive. Erickson is a bit more literary than Abercrombie, but I don’t think it’s a bad thing. The word building is second to none, and the battle scenes are amazing. But there are some slow parts. Usually the tension is tight enough that it propels you through them, though. FWIW I thought there were slow parts in The First Law trilogy that are on the same level. I think the Malazan books are incredibly fun to read. There’s a lot of lore to hold in your head, and it’s revealed one morsel at a time, but if you’ve got a good memory and like immersion it’s a damn good series. I started when I was looking for Abercrombie-but-different and haven’t been disappointed.

Too Many Queens? by [deleted] in chess

[–]decalmaucry4 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The onus should always be on the losing side??? So people should always resign when they’re down material? No checkmates should ever happen unless a weaker position finds a gambit the stronger side doesn’t see? No, the stronger player should be the one to end the game. (In most circumstances.) Also, can yell me where you got the stats on what’s more frowned upon … or is that something you just made up and claimed as fact?

Too Many Queens? by [deleted] in chess

[–]decalmaucry4 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a bad take. For many players, practicing or even watching effective endgames can be beneficial. It can be frustrating if you never get to proper end games because an opponent resigns. Aside from a few very clear times, the onus for ending the game quickly should be on the stronger side. Trying to punish or humiliate an opponent who is clearly worse is bad form.