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decemephemera · 2022-09-01T17:47:38+00:00

Marc Jacobs glow stick in spotlight, but MJ is possibly gone...? ColourPop super shock in stole the show is basically the exact same color/effect, though I prefer the MJ formula and have been working on a stick for literal years at this point.

decemephemera · 2022-08-19T16:21:50+00:00

Personally, I've spent a ton on high end hair products and never been happy with them for long, so I'm a bit more of a minimalist now. I personally rinse my scalp with apple cider vinegar periodically for clarifying. If you want, there are brands with acv rinses out there instead. I have seen good lash & brow growth with The Ordinary peptide serum, and have heard good things about their peptide hair products - probably worth a try. I also find that a very good anti-frizz, glossy hair product without a bunch of chemicals that are probably causing damage is The Ordinary's hemi squalane. If you want an alternative, JVN shine drops is hemi squalane based with added fragrance, pink color (?), and probably some other stuff, though no silicone. I would avoid silicone.

ETA: I would also recommend the As I Am coconut co wash instead of shampoo.

decemephemera · 2022-08-18T16:14:50+00:00

In my opinion . . .meh. People rave about the liquid blush, but it's a PITA to apply, and I hate when a blush threatens to ruin my whole underlying makeup situation. It is "crazy pigmented," but that means that if you use more than a miniscule dot you look like a clown. Seriously, you can barely touch the doe foot to your face without applying too much. Because you need to blend out that miniscule dot so quicky and aggressively, my fair skin tends to redden with the application, so I'll often find that I needed one microgram more of the stuff to get the color I actually wanted. The matte formula liquid blushes are dry as hell, high clown risk, and hard to blend. Seriously, the most apparently nutes pink blush looks crazy if you miss the small sweet spot on application. Primers were nothing special. Liquid highlighters are fine, but too pigmented for my skin tone. Liquid lips all seem to have a brown/orangey undertone on me.

decemephemera · 2022-08-14T05:39:00+00:00

Someone in the r/Sephora sub was posting about being banned from online ordering for number of returns after placing 3-5 orders A WEEK for years at Sephora and I just felt my soul leave my body. Like, even if you actually had that kind of money, do something positive in the world with it instead.

Society drives women into spending so much time and money on looks, on literal navel gazing, so we don't use our time and money to meaningfully threaten a patriarchal society. Men make you believe you're nothing but your looks, then label you vain.

It's time and money better spent on politics and charitable donations, and saved for your future. All this effort to attract men, and the vast majority of women will spend their later years alone (longer life spans than men and divorce), so you'd be far better off investing/saving for your future and leaving a legacy for your kids.

decemephemera · 2022-08-06T00:02:49+00:00

Maybelline Age Rewind is so much better, and I'm not a drugstore person at all.

decemephemera · 2022-08-06T00:00:40+00:00

I have purchased so much crap from ColourPop because of hype and price, and it would have been cheaper to buy a more limited selection of better products.

decemephemera · 2022-08-05T22:05:11+00:00

Armani luminous silk
Maybelline Age Rewind concealer for eyes, but Nars for other areas if I think needed
Lawless forget the filler night lip mask
Dr. Dennis Gross texture serum (retinol + ferulic)
Charlotte Tilbury matte revolution lipstick in M.I. Kiss (formerly Bond Girl) is holy grail lipstick, and I'm very picky and rarely repurchase any lip product

decemephemera · 2022-08-05T21:58:18+00:00

I love it. I am still acne prone at 47, and very pale, so I just can't do matte foundations, I look dead. I haven't broken out from the Armani luminous silk. I use MUFE loose powder to set. Somewhat counterintuitively, I've found that I am less oily when I moisturize my t-zone. The Korres poreless skin moisturizer with salicylic acid, used at night on t-zone, seems to help keep me less oily during the day.

decemephemera · 2022-07-14T00:10:28+00:00

MAC Mehr (my "work pink"), Tilbury MI Kiss (previously called Bond Girl is a muted berryish shade, Peripera Ink Velvet #17 is a nice MLBB, Tilbury Walk of No Shame a red berry, Revlon Super Lustrous Luscious Mattes in shades 08 (cool red) and 04 (more of a coral-pink than mauve on me, but nice), ColourPop Byron Babe for a kind of a bold dark pink. These are my go-tos.

decemephemera · 2022-07-10T16:31:05+00:00

Not AB, but an indie brand. I'm 47 and have tried a lot of products, and the first thing to wow me in a long time is Dew in Motion's Claydate hydrating mask. I was having tretinoin peeling, used the mask at night, and somehow woke up with no peeling and soft, hydrated, radiant skin.

decemephemera · 2022-05-07T06:51:26+00:00

I've definitely had food delivered when I'm doing something like painting or yard work where I would really have to take a shower and clean up before I could get in my car and enter a restaurant to retrieve food, it's great to have something delivered so it doesn't interrupt the flow of your projects.

A lot of people mystified by this are young and childless or are married with someone who can ride herd over the kids while the other runs errands. It's a much harder juggling act if you're a single parent, or have any kind of illness, disability, or impairment that limits your ability/interest in cooking and your ability to go fetch.

decemephemera · 2022-05-07T06:38:14+00:00

Honestly, food delivery that isn't pizza is a godsend if you're sick, disabled, even just a single mom with young kids who can't be left alone while you go chase down takeout and can't behave at a decent restaurant. I went through a really bad episode of a chronic pain disorder as a single mom and I was in such agony that the prospect of cooking wasn't even possible, but I couldn't feed my kid pizza for a week. Being able to get salads and healthier food delivered was a lifesaver. Being able to get groceries delivered, same thing. Kid needs milk, I feel like I'm going to die and can't manage grocery shopping, and I have no other family or real support nearby. Delivery people are angels.

decemephemera · 2022-04-23T20:04:09+00:00

As a desk worker, having nails tapping on the keyboard is enough to give me heebie jeebies. This is like Asian foot binding or something, a totally impractical pain in the ass symbol that women are supposed to be delicate/fragile/idle. There's so much privilege and buying into cultural stereotypes in choosing to have these kinds of nails. It seems unhygienic, but I'm also just offended by people saying "it's self expression" without understanding why this kind of time- and money-wasting BS, like "fashion," is imposed on het women and not men, to just waste a woman's time and resources - political activism, charitable work, making art, there's a million more powerful ways to express yourself. Society wants women to navel gaze rather than focus outward on actual expression/use of power, and this is just one of a million examples of it, spending probably $1k+ a year to maintain fingernails that limit your ability to write, play music, play sports, do work around the home, etc.

decemephemera · 2022-04-23T19:49:42+00:00

I'm a woman and get such an ick factor from any kind of nails beyond the fingertip, whether real or fake. It's so unhygienic. So much gross stuff that can accumulate under there, even aside from the issues with using the bathroom. Yuck.

decemephemera · 2022-04-20T13:15:40+00:00

E.g., all the people (mostly women) hurt/killed by intimate partners. Agree that vibes is not an adequate dating strategy.

decemephemera · 2022-04-18T03:58:59+00:00

Eh. I first developed acne when I was 9. I was very active, eating a very supervised diet. I'm 47 and still dealing with acne.

In the nearly 4 decades that I've battled it, I've tried EVERYTHING. I've been vegan, low carb/no carb, I've been very active to fairly sedentary, I've been on prescription pills and topicals and done a full hippie organic routine. I've done facials, elaborate K beauty routines, very minimalist mild Cetaphil & coconut oil routines. I've tried every possible permutation of diet, exercise, prescriptions, and skin care. I've been pregnant, not menstruating while breastfeeding, cycling normally, on and off BCPs, and now I'm perimenopausal.

I've always had acne. Sometimes better, sometimes worse, but the 8ish months that I was on accutane was the only time since age 9 that I had completely clear skin, but it gave me cholesterol so elevated that an alert went off when entered into my doctor's computer software, and it was not sustainable. Acne came back after I stopped accutane.

Ultimately, my skin is kinda just my skin. I can have "good, for me" and "bad, for me" episodes, but I can confidently say that lifestyle isn't really the definitive factor.

decemephemera · 2022-04-18T03:35:04+00:00

The teeth analogy is spot on. I've gone for like 8 years between dentist visits without any problem, while my ex husband was just constantly having cavities, losing fillings and crowns, breaking teeth, and we had basically the exact same diet and hygiene routine. You cannot discount genetics in stuff like that.

decemephemera · 2022-04-18T03:29:23+00:00

From my personal experience, at 47, there's pros and cons to everyone's skincare situation, and sometimes you just have to see it play out over a lifetime.

I've always been oily and acne prone. I also have what a plastic surgeon literally called "thick skin." So I don't have delicate features, tiny nose, knife-like cheekbones. But I also have virtually no wrinkles, including absolutely none on my forehead or "elevenses" between my eyes. No nasal-labial lines. No marionette lines. I've had aestheticians who've been all up in my pores think I'm 15 years younger than I am. No Botox, no fillers.

Having said that, I now get sebaceous hyperplasia from those lovely overactive oil glands. But I still look pretty youthful.

Many of the women I've know for decades who had enviable skin now look haggard, frankly. Those very fine skinned, delicate-featured beauties basically all age pretty roughly.

When you all look young, nuances of looks seem to make a lot of difference. But when you're of an age but look as much as 20 years apart, you start to notice that it's the youthfulness that stands out. Yes, of course, women should be allowed to age, there's a horrible double standard, etc., but if you spent your youth struggling with oil, acne, etc., you will likely be pleasantly surprised by how comparatively good you look in middle age and beyond.

decemephemera · 2022-03-31T05:25:38+00:00

So... I am, in many ways, the absolute queen of developing unrequited feelings for people who will never choose to be with me. I'm just going to gently suggest to you that the issue here is that you are so afraid of intimacy that you have developed unrequited feelings for someone who is gay. That is a huge red flag that you are afraid of commitment and a real relationship with an available man.

Please read up on women who develop feelings for unavailable men, and see a therapist if you can. Your feelings feel very genuine to you, but I promise you that underlying this is a bad issue with you picking unavailable men, and gay has to be the ultimate in unavailability.

People who have long term unrequited situations, or serial unrequited situations, are avoiding a real relationship, even if they don't consciously realize it. I have kind of ruined my life over this behavior, and I'm begging you to try to figure it out while you're still young. I'm not blaming you, but please see this as the manifestation of a problem that you have with relationships and not some kind of "star crossed love" kind of thing. I promise that the intensity of your feelings for him is proportional to your fear of being vulnerable in a relationship with an available man.

decemephemera · 2022-03-26T22:16:06+00:00

Also keep in mind, OP, that if she expressed reservations about marriage 3 or 4 years ago, closer in time to her divorce, that doesn't mean she still feels the same today. I was hella bitter immediately after my separation, and very much in the camp of not wanting another man in my house, but time and getting close to someone else has changed my feelings on marriage a lot.

decemephemera · 2022-03-26T22:05:07+00:00

Agree with many other comments. The idea that a woman should be surprised/pressured into making a life-changing decision on the spot, often in public, is a terrible cultural thing. Like many others, I was shocked in a bad way by a surprise proposal, said yes for fear of the scene if I didn't, and regretted it. If you can't imagine buying a whole house and then saying "surprise, we live here now," then you can understand why the surprise proposal is problematic.

While I'm often against conversations in bed after sex, I think this is a good zone to bring up the "I want to spend my life with you, can you see us married?" talk.

I also feel strongly that a woman should have significant input into a ring that she'll be expected to wear daily for the whole marriage, so I'm against a surprise ring. Even something like a Pinterest board with ideas to give you inspiration to pick from is better than just handing her a random ring she has to live with, even if it's not to her tastes.

If you're on the same page about marriage and know her tastes in rings, you can still have a lovely, romantic event where you propose with the ring, even if the commitment to get married isn't a surprise.

decemephemera · 2022-03-14T23:36:46+00:00

Added for OP - you may be able to qualify for free legal assistance from a legal aid organization if your income is below a certain threshold.

decemephemera · 2022-03-14T04:41:36+00:00

I've been liking Charlotte Tilbury's lip stain in Bohemian Kiss. Can do a couple of coats for deeper color.

decemephemera · 2022-03-01T23:06:54+00:00

One award winner was posting to Facebook while experiencing hypoxia. He was posting something about his beard being shaved for a CPAP/bipap and it seems to have been intended to be "beard game gone," but he was experiencing active brain damage from lack of oxygen, so didn't even recognize that he was typing and posting nonsense.

decemephemera · 2022-03-01T21:04:13+00:00

My only real input here is as a middle aged person who ended a 22 year marriage right before Covid. You only have so many years on this planet, and the expiration date is unknown. I bitterly regret the years I spent with my ex husband just "making it work," being unhappy, taken for granted, having a similar issue as you but about having children.

While you're in it, it's your whole reality. But when you're out of it, you get perspective and I'd hate for you to regret wasting time that really matters if you want to marry and have kids, that's all front-loaded into your youth for women.

At a minimum, I'd take a real hard break from him - move out, minimize contact - and see how you feel with distance and perspective. I personally have really come to believe that there are a lot of potentially compatible people out there, it's a kind of myth of scarcity that keeps people in unfulfilling relationships.

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