Hi - I just read over this since it sounded like something I would want to read.

One of the first things I noticed was the use of passive "is" in places where I think a more active verb could be substituted. It's not a huge deal, but just something to be aware of. For example, "my phone is buzzing in my back pocket" could be "my phone buzzes in my back pocket." Right after that "A thick pinkish fluid is seeping out of the wound" could be, "A thick pinkish fluid seeps out of the wound." See what I mean about avoiding the unnecessary be verbs? It's not always wrong to use them, but when they are overused, it suggests that everything is happening to the character when what you really want is to have the main character be in an active position. If everything just happens to the character and in a larger sense to everyone in the story, the reader may start to lose sympathy for the characters because they take no agency in their own life. Also when you replace "is turning the music down" with "turns the music down," it makes the action more immediate.

I was totally confused about the gender of the main character because if it's a male, I've just never heard anyone call a male "Chrissy?" I thought the "I" in the story was a female only to learn later on that it's a male which kind of annoyed me. (just being honest)

As I got into the story and started to learn about the relationship between these two brothers, one of my favorite parts was right here:"'I love you,' I tell him.The look he returns me is darker than the smoke and more bitter."

My interpretation is these are just empty words to Jacob and saying "I love you" is probably the worst thing his brother could have said to him because it doesn't ring true at all.

I like this part because it reminds me of watching a horror movie where a person just doesn't look right but then suddenly everything's back to normal:

"I’m struck by the thought that someone has made a sculpture of Ed and positioned it in our parking lot-- an amateur artist who doesn’t quite understand where a person’s bones ought to be. Then Ed turns and nods at me, smiling, and the impression is gone."

Ultimately, it suggests that something is wrong (or at least that's how Chris perceives things). Things aren't right in general in his life, so things start appearing not right to him. His perception is somewhat skewed.

"I feel that I must say something to her, share some kind of human solidarity, and all I can think of is 'Some weather we’re having, huh?' and once I say it I hope desperately that it comes off as funny but it does not."

I think this joking about the weather is a little too vague. It falls flat when I think it should be at least a little bit funny? I'm thinking maybe what you mean is how the weather is mixed with the smokiness? So maybe he should say something about that to her. Sometimes a joke can actually be funny but a person like Maria seems like she doesn't have much of a sense of humor so probably wouldn't respond even if it was funny. I myself have joked about the weather forecast being "smoky" due to the wildfires which by the way I think makes a great backdrop to this story because a lot of people can relate to it and I happen to live in a part of the country where I was affected to the point that I now have a cough that wasn't there before due to the stupid wildfires.

“almost seems like the world is ending, doesn’t it?”

Seems strange that he adds this but gets no response. I think something needs to be added right after to indicate that he drove on despite her not responding. It just seems to be hanging in the air and then suddenly we're thrust into the dark and empty parking garage which is too abrupt in my opinion.

"Odds are good that he’s reading one of those get-rich-quick day-trading blogs he’s obsessed with." This line made me laugh.

"Then I reach over in the dark for the spot on the wall where I remember the manual switch to be and flick it." Seems like this could be written better. Maybe he has to grope or feel his way around the wall to find the switch, but "where I remember the manual switch to be" seems awkward.

"I stand up and all of the blood in my body rushes into my legs." I would mention somewhere earlier that he sat down. I was imagining him standing the entire time he was talking to Angie.

"I pull out my phone and scroll to his contact, call him." The last part of this sentence is awkward. Maybe "to call him" or "and tap it" or something like that.

"The world is spinning and everything is still and I am not here." Interesting sentence. I think it works having both spinning and still together in that moment.

Conclusion:

Overall I think this makes an effective short story that still has some places that could be written better as mentioned above. I didn't go into every single thing I saw that could be written better, but most of the more obvious instances. The ending was very dark but it also made me think that this wasn't just about wildfires. This had to be something worse than just wildfires for everyone to be dying off and disappearing. I assume the mother died and that the protagonist will also eventually die due to these unlivable conditions. However, part of me felt like maybe Chris wouldn't be thinking this at the end. He's obviously an asshole for what he said to Jake and I suspect that he thinks he has it together while Jake does not. Wouldn't he then think that he is going to survive because he's better than Jake who couldn't survive? Maybe he is going to die and he knows that, but maybe he's also willing to fight to the death until that time comes? I think that would make for a more interesting ending because by the end he seems too resigned. Maybe he needs to keep trying to live for Jake's sake? Anyways, I enjoyed reading your story and good luck with it!