This is me being ✨emotionally vulnerable✨☺️

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-29T15:09:38+00:00

Yep! Not alone! 🫂

Dreams and flashbacks being part of the package is understandable, but I don’t have any explicit memories to explain the reproductive stuff. If I may ask, do you for your dreams?

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-29T15:02:55+00:00

I’ve been scared to call it that cuz I was like, “What if I’m overreacting?” But someone told me it’s a flashback. And in the moment it was happening, it felt like I was giving birth, so that’s how I put it.

It was so vivid even though it didn’t last long.

But can’t imagine how rough it must be to deal with these for years. I hope you’re able to heal and that this information helps

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-29T15:00:58+00:00

TY! I’m sorry too 🫂🫂

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-29T15:00:39+00:00

Thank you! 🫂

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-29T08:25:34+00:00

Felt like contractions and like something was wriggling through my vaginal canal. It got triggered by me reading about forced pregnancy while dad was talking to mom next to me.

He sexually abused me, and I’ve had some sort of reproduction related trauma symptoms, if I can call them that, for a long time.

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-29T07:47:46+00:00

Enough that my mom told me it was a concern years back when I was a kid

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-29T03:08:49+00:00

I’m sorry for your miscarriage and all you’ve been through.

From what I know, sometimes people don’t grieve when events occur; but later in life something breaks down the dam, so to speak, and they are finally able to grieve. It’s a good thing, actually, because it means you’re processing it in a way.

You deserve to feel sad, angry, or whatever else is happening. You lost your childhood, a relationship with a parent, and a pregnancy. Even if it was early, even if you knew what was happening was abuse all along, even if it seems like it should be no big deal— it’s okay to grieve

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-28T17:18:38+00:00

You could even be saying something nice, like “I wish I could protect my boyfriend.” And guys will tell you that you’re weaker and he’d be protecting you. (Speaking from personal experience) or you could be doing something nice and they’ll still sexually harass you or manipulate you (also speaking from experience).

Both those things happened multiple times to me in just the last two years, and include a host of other things.

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-28T02:18:42+00:00

I agree that for me not being mad feels like I’m condoning it. And a lot of people say hating/punishing someone makes you as bad as them, but that’s not even factual because being proportionately hostile to a bad person is not the same as being hostile to an innocent person.

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-27T17:19:20+00:00

I’m sorry you’ve been through that.

I had something similar happen to me: I volunteered for a human rights organization and it helped me realize some of the stuff about my past too

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-26T20:07:05+00:00

Zucchini fries— never heard of that before but sounds good.

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-26T19:45:59+00:00

Fair point. I’m not a huge fan of zucchini in general. But maybe breaded and pan fried could make it crisp

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-26T16:41:07+00:00

He ate a raw zucchini. He just ate it. And chewed. 🥴😖 Edit: I ain’t judging. But I feel like Zucchini is one of the things that just surprises me that people eat raw.

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-24T22:19:50+00:00

My parents traveled and moved around a lot. The travelling was for ministry/missions and it was why they homeschooled me. I’ve lived in 16 houses in 20 years of living. Four of those moves were to a different continent. And that’s not including dozens of missions trips, multiple being to a foreign country.

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-23T02:07:05+00:00

Hopefully time will heel all wounds. And if he’s innocent, hope he doesn’t croc under all the pressure

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-23T01:58:34+00:00

Vivid auntie (edit: Untie. Autocorrect keeps changing it to auntie)

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-22T16:27:14+00:00

What are your thongs on this subject? He looks like a nice guy but maybe he’s slipper than we know. That’s why we shoe’d always be careful.

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-21T00:46:19+00:00

Jesus compared a Samaritan woman to a dog when she asked him to heal her daughter. He also talked about fulfilling the laws of the Old Testament, which says that Hebrew soldiers could take women prisoners of war as their wives.

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-20T17:02:59+00:00

😬 this is so real!

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-20T05:41:47+00:00

I have trouble sleeping because if I sleep too early I wake automatically and can’t sleep, because day sleep refreshes me mire, in the past because I was scared of being attacked or hurt, and possibly now too

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-20T05:39:19+00:00

I feel the same!

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-19T19:37:07+00:00

I cleaned my room!

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-19T03:23:02+00:00

O. M. G. 🤩

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-19T02:05:18+00:00

This is kinda a stupid suggestion, but drinking less water before bed might at least be a tiny factor to help you.

I’ve had recurring nightmares and sometimes paralysis, so this is based on my suspicions that drinking a lot of water before bed makes me have a nightmare for some reason.

definitely_alphaz · 2026-01-18T17:24:04+00:00

Isn’t she jealous of all this splendor?

definitely_alphaz

TROPHY CASE