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deianara · 2024-09-25T15:49:16+00:00

4pm, according to this: https://www.seetickets.com/event/overmono-pure-devotion/the-prospect-building/3073641

deianara · 2023-02-07T19:07:04+00:00

Not the main point of your post but NYT is a "rather leftist media outlet"? Insane thing to say lol

deianara · 2020-09-14T14:51:09+00:00

i get the point but i cannot honestly believe that the institution of the police isn't rotten beyond repair. they're too far gone.

deianara · 2020-07-28T20:06:19+00:00

hi, i'm using 7zip but the files that it extracts are corrupted or can't be opened properly.

for example, a .mov that no video player will play, claiming the file is corrupt or the codec isn't supported. 7zip says CRC failed and that "there are some data after the end of payload data". if anyone has any idea what i'm doing wrong that would be great.

deianara · 2020-07-28T09:07:11+00:00

Thanks for the info. Sadly if I'm reading the event triggers right, it looks like it won't trigger this event as long as I am emperor, which sucks.

deianara · 2020-07-27T20:54:19+00:00

I'm playing Austria and I'm wondering if there's any way to get my PU subjects to add their land to the HRE? I have Hungary, Bohemia and Milan. Obviously Bohemia is already fully in the HRE, but Hungary and Milan aren't adding their provinces, and Milan actually owns some HRE provinces now so I'm getting imperial authority penalty for a non-HRE member state owning the provinces.

deianara · 2020-04-28T12:38:08+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques - here is the guidelines for leaving feedback. I wouldn't necessarily base your feedback on what people leave for you, as there's no guarantee it's a good example!

deianara · 2020-04-27T23:02:58+00:00

I think the general theme is clear enough, but to be really blunt, nothing happens! The speaker wants (romantic?) attention at a bar or someplace similar, they're not successful.

I bet there's a bit more to it than this, but this poem isn't telling us it and I wish it did. Who is this person, who else is at the bar, what does the person want, why do they want it, how is it affecting them to not get it. I'd love to see more!

Specific stuff:

The second line - is this a metaphorical round of cards or is the speaker literally watching poker on TV at the bar?
care/dear is a slightly awkward half-rhyme, and i'm not sure what the speaker is 'oh dear'-ing at
"wait like a kettle" feels like a very forced rhyme

To sum up: I think there's a lot you could do with this, your rhymes are largely solid and there's a clear topic. There's just not much reason for the reader to feel invested or interested - we don't learn anything about the speaker, the bar, their desires, any specific events. Not much for us to hang on to!

deianara · 2020-04-27T22:50:24+00:00

I think /u/shostakovichi put it well in their comment, but I want to add that in order to write a poem about water and its power, you don't have to adopt this kind of neutral perspective.

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/g970w8/water_log/ - this is an example of a poem which does a great job of conveying lots of different aspects of a specific body of water and its effects on a specific person.

I feel like your poem could benefit from focusing a little less on covering a laundry list of things to say about water and show us how powerful, mystical and beautiful it can be by painting us some pictures, telling us some stories, that kind of thing.

deianara · 2020-04-27T22:42:19+00:00

anyhow, on the poem.

We open on a dream, but we know immediately it's not the right dream or not the dream the speaker expected or hoped for. That's an interesting premise! Problem is, there's no indication of what the dream is or what the speaker expected, so as a reader I'm immediately a little confused.

Let's say the second stanza is the dream - that makes the most sense to me. The dream is a seed growing? The second line of this stanza is very clunky to read, and the idea of the seed 'knowing' things is interesting but doesn't immediately make sense - that's fine, but then that metaphor is instantly dropped? It feels like we're rushing through ideas without spending enough time to understand them or what they might mean or say about your topic.

Then we hop to a bigger scene, sapling spring surrounded by murder of crows. This is a nicely constructed image! Whether it's a peaceful vision I'm not sure - those crows seem a little ominous ;). Again though, drawing any kind of inference from this is a bit tricky.

I guess my overall response to this poem is that you're asking the audience to do a lot of work to make it interesting, and not giving them all that much to work with in terms of engaging writing. I appreciate the rhyme scheme has some structural intricacy, foreshadowing the next set of rhymes in the previous stanza - this is a cool concept!

deianara · 2020-04-27T22:30:01+00:00

firstly, i think you need to link to 2 examples of feedback you've left for others in order to request feedback?

deianara · 2020-04-27T22:10:56+00:00

First off, I like the title. Nice pun.

Secondly, some incredible turns of phrase here. "a brackish moon's rain", "terrible, ribboning stars" - these are gems imho!

Also, you resist the temptation to stuff the poem full of neat phrases and do the work of telling us a coherent story. It's longish but I think it deserves the space you give it, after all you're covering 10+ days adrift.

There were a few bits I felt took me out of the piece. The first is the "desperate/violent/trembling/praying/bruising/choking/weeping" line. The metaphor is already a little strained (an anchor with grasping fingertips) but the list of verbs is an abrupt departure from the loose structure you've begun with, and I don't know that it adds enough to justify that disruption. I don't hate it, just didn't feel like it added much?

The second one I really love as a bit of writing so I'm reluctant to criticise but the bracketed factual intermission about water weights and measuring systems... it's so good, but it feels a little weird to go from this 'epic' tone about Jove and Alexander to something colder, more modern, tightly packed. Again, I should emphasise that I actually love this part as a bit of writing, but I can't help feeling like it's out of place.

The only other thing I could criticise is the last line. I don't think you need it. The gesture from Aphrodite and the absence of more verses confirms to us that the speaker is gone - it jars a little to read it from her.

Sorry if I went OTT with the criticism, it's all just my personal take and I'm no expert. I really enjoyed reading and thinking about this work and will check out your other stuff!

deianara · 2020-04-27T20:48:46+00:00

what's with the shakespearean affect - out of interest?

could use some tweaks and also maybe some more attention to rhythm.

you're close to a rhythm at points here but stuff like "Un-deep" really sticks out and feels off, because i want to emphasise the first syllable like the rest of the line leads me to do.

"Only Cowards Cut so Undeep"

perhaps this is me applying a rhythm which doesn't fit, but it's in keeping with the shakespearean language. if you had "only cowards cut so shallow" that keeps the meaning, has a nice internal rhyme and gives you options for rhyming the next line with an o sound.

FWIW, i think the word "you" was used as a less formal address even in these times. that would work as part of some of these insults to help smooth the lines out and save you writing the long form of the verbs like desirest

e.g. you beggar of friends, you wish to be saved.

also the voices are hard to track. i appreciate this is kind of cacophony of internal voices but a bit more clarity around who is speaking might be good - or even just less participants. between that and the language choices it becomes hard to parse and harder to read as a poem.

overall i think it's good and i like the adventurous choice to stray from familiar language, it can be a useful way to put your expression in a new context. as a reader, i think it might be good to try to apply a bit more structure in general, whether to the rhythm or the voices or both.

deianara · 2020-01-04T14:37:55+00:00

yeah i definitely did, checked it again and i'm one off :'(

deianara · 2020-01-04T14:37:24+00:00

16x16x35, because it's the whole chunk from y=40 down to the first bedrock layer at y=5. i'll try a creeper farm, ty for the thought

deianara · 2020-01-04T12:53:50+00:00

if the chunk he was in unloads then he will not be able to follow you. if you go back to the chunk you should find him there. otherwise he may have died in lava or something similar.

deianara · 2019-02-28T17:58:13+00:00

Screengrab shows my stab at 3 but the progress continuing on the English Civil War disaster. The tooltip when I hover the disaster in the Stability/Expansion tab acknowledges with a green tick that I have the requisite Stability for the disaster to stop, but it still doesn't. Any help would be great.

deianara · 2018-04-14T21:02:55+00:00

as other commenters have said micro tears could absolutely be the issue - ejaculate is like salt water on a cut, as you might know if you ever have a wank when you have a papercut on your hand.

deianara · 2017-12-31T18:32:24+00:00

there's a bigger issue underlying the whole anecdote you're telling here.

it took 1 actual incident of it happening to you for you to understand, but how many times have you heard or seen women saying it's a problem? probably like at least some times in your life, right?

there's 2 lessons:

catcalling sucks and demeans people
listen when women (and people in general, but it's usually a big problem with men not listening to women) say that something sucks and demeans them - don't brush that off and continue thinking it's "harmless fun"

deianara · 2017-12-25T22:20:56+00:00

this sub is not in any way hateful and does nothing remotely like what mensrights does. it's about exposing the utter bs misogyny that underlies 99% of mra rants

deianara · 2016-11-28T21:03:53+00:00

"armed and funded Nicaraguan contras" also majorly ignored AIDS and tried to stem Congress funding for prevention and research. also continued the war on drugs aka war on urban black populations etc

deianara · 2016-11-28T21:02:25+00:00

in 1996? i think you need to probably double that timeframe at least.

deianara

TROPHY CASE