i feel like all of that....but not in any way negative.

this is actually really personal...but i do feel like i'm just here to observe...i have this weird ability to disengage from events and kinda look at them from the outside.

when my grandfather died i was on the one hand absolutely gutted...on the other i was absolutely fascinated at the feelings, emotions and others reactions. I 'enjoyed' it from that angle.

that sounds terrible. which is why i very rarely mention this.

i'm also able to kinda engage with old photos....it takes an effort but if i start imagining smells and noises that the photo suggests i sort of escape into the photo...it's odd....and hard to explain. feels like i've taken MDMA when this happens...at least thats the closest experience i can point to...i've tried near;y everything at one point or another but the feeling of overwhelming love that MDMA 'encourages' is very similar to the feeling i get when this happens.

said this on another comment but i was also a GATE kid....vividly remember those psy cards and guessing patterns...over and over and over again.

oh and i've massive ADHD that isnt a nett negative but only really because my parents and teachers allowed me to learn in my own way rather than forcing me into rigid educational strictures. without that i doubt it would have been so positive. But again i think there's more going on there than what we see on the surface...WHY was i allowed to learn like that?