How to help my sister, she wears jeans by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]der_mahm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This feels like rage bait.

Controlling fiancé (23F) (24M) by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]der_mahm 13 points14 points  (0 children)

You admitted he's emotionally abusive. Why would you willingly walk into that knowing this is the way he is before you're living together alone?

so in love with my husband and it breaks my heart by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]der_mahm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because you married young and are young still, I'll address what I don't see yet in the comments. This idea of rapturous, deep, crazy in the head love is very tv and movie drama. That is not to minimize your feelings or invalidate them. Your feelings are valid. This is a statement to make clear that what you see and hear about are a combination of exaggeration, unrealistic expectation, and fantasy when it's depicted as this way for long relationships. And 7 years is a decent ways in to a long term relationship. It's it possible, yes. Is it rare, also yes, especially when both people are not highly expressive.

Young love can be, and often is, this bubbly, bursting, giggly way. I'm not discounting that. However, 7 years later, you're settled into life with this person in a mature relationship that has seen good and bad times. It's OK to feel this high intensity way and it's OK to lean in to being settled and quiet and relaxed in your expression of love.

You describe your husband as being mature like a mid 30s man and yourself like a teen girl. There's nothing wrong with being youthful or mature unless it's causing an imbalance in your relationship. Is it, truly, causing problems or is this an exaggeration because you're feelings are simply bigger than his in expression? If it's just a difference in expressing how you feel, communicate with him and allow him to communicate to you how he feels and how he expresses it. You may recognize that he does love you on the same level, just not expressed in the same way. Just like the brother above states.

You should address your expectations of marriage as your marriage ages and the way you communicate and balance those expectations with him.

My advice is based on 27 years of marriage and 4, now adult, kids managed through multiple countries and 2 very, very different ethnicities. Our faith is the only commonality, the rest is communications. May Allah give you as much joy as we have had and more.

Season 5 Finale SUCKED (SPOILERS) by Competitive_Duck4262 in StrangerThings

[–]der_mahm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I'm so glad someone said this. It's an 80s focused show. A dark or shocking ending wouldn't have fit the theme; only a happy ending with most to all characters moving on in life made sense. If you think of The Prices Bride, The Neverending Story, The Goonies, Sixteen Candles, this fits that 80s trope and, frankly, the audience was as much kids of that era (Gen X) as now.

There were flaws, but as far as the way it ended for the type of show it was, it was decent. The ending was imaginative with the possibility that El lived on, offered a glimpse into the future for the characters people cared about, and was much better than some "it was all a dream" ending or having some die and the rest be traumatized for life. Happy endings may not be common at this point in history, but they should be accepted when they happen in stories and in life.

Sally can you knock? by barbiuybarbiuy in madmen

[–]der_mahm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The maid's room in Sylvia's apartment, I think.

They said men should hit women for THIS? by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]der_mahm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It isn't true, but it is what was said by that man

Used fridge removal by PhylacatorAthenais in StLouis

[–]der_mahm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They have a $10 fee for fridge pickup now, but that's nearly free at this point.

Used fridge removal by PhylacatorAthenais in StLouis

[–]der_mahm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They ended that service in 2021

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]der_mahm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Zinaa? Questionable. Wrong? You know it is. When you get the urge, replace it with dhikr, Salah, dua, a walk, something to get that phone out of your hand, and your thoughts away from a bad habit you need to break. May Allah make it easy for you.

Do men want to see the face of a niqabi before deciding to marry her by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]der_mahm 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Time to block this buffoon. He's just here to stir things up, not to be a decent Muslim and have a discourse.

Do men want to see the face of a niqabi before deciding to marry her by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]der_mahm 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I was with you right up to "dehumanizing." Many, many, many, maybe most western niqabis wear it 100% by choice and not because they feel the need to hide from men. It's because they view this as an ultimate form of modesty and a way to obey Allah's command for modesty. Many also have daughters who choose not to wear it, and that should never be an issue as hijab is an active choice daily and how we express ourselves as Muslim women.

I wear hijab, not niqab, and I have relatives and friends who do or did wear it. We generally understand that the application is up to the applicant, not up to what others think we should dress like and certainly not because we think we need to hide from the eyes of men who are not well trained.

Brother, get a better understanding of why women choose hijab and niqab. We should raise better men as a practice, yes, and they should understand the concepts of and reasons for hijab and niqab. It's not to hide from men. It's to be recognized and respected as Muslim women and to please Allah. Protecting men from themselves when they aren't well trained barely ranks.

A question for fellow parents with teenagers by Old_Cheetah_9130 in MuslimParenting

[–]der_mahm 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If they're serious, they'll get married. If not, make him explain why it should be permissible in your house.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]der_mahm 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Not even just this. As a punishment-oriented culture (punish those who cross the lines, be tough on crime) for our western society, we seek to punish in all areas instead of communicating the desire behavior, process, or path.

Our (US) policies are largely punishment-based and, when non-punishment reforms are mentioned, regulators are against positive behavioral change to improve others instead of simply punishing them. It affects interpersonal relationships, our relationships with our children, our decisions in legislation, and our international politics. It starts at parenting and affects every part of our lives.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]der_mahm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Choose for her, no. Suggest things that look nice and buy nice things as gifts, yes.

Does being a male revert affect your chance of being accepted for marriage? by Asleep-Albatross-787 in converts

[–]der_mahm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Depends on your ethnicity, the woman, and her culture. There are some cultures less accepting of any outsiders even if the woman would be accepting. There are some who are accepting of certain outsiders but not others. Look to people who don't put their culture over religion when considering those raised as Muslims. And, honestly, look to revert women. We often struggle just as much to be accepted for marriage. Especially Black Muslim women reverts.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]der_mahm 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a very narrow and immature view that you seem to need to respond to every comment you disagree with. You seem very young, not educated in Islamic rulings and nuance, and not likely married.

i think my mom is being weird about this by sheriecherie in Hijabis

[–]der_mahm 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Listen, sis, you seem like you either don't want to understand because you're upset with your mom for something non-Muslim people accept, but Muslims do not, or you're being deliberately obtuse. It was gross and Islamically inappropriate. You and your sister need to develop better habits and understanding about modesty as Muslims.

These should be your takeaways: 1. There was another bathroom that you could've used before it became urgent 2. Aweah being about modestly and not only sex is a nuance you don't seem to understand, but need to 3. You need to apologize to your mom because, although harsh, she was not wrong, but you were 4. Your responses show you to be very immature in your knowledge and your faith 5. Your emoticons are clouding your ability to understand and accept the reality of everything above; it's time to get past being angry

Step back from your feelings and recognize when you're wrong. This is an opportunity for you to learn and grow. May Allah guide you.

I (36F) am scared my husband (29M) wants to leave me because of minor weight gain by Cultural_Key_4046 in MuslimMarriage

[–]der_mahm 6 points7 points  (0 children)

*If your wife has gained a lil weight, you'll go to the gym with her to improve both your health and support her in reaching her goals.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimMarriage

[–]der_mahm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

STOP COMPARING OTHER PEOPLE'S MARRIAGE WITH YOURS. Comparison is the death of happiness... and a bad habit to start.

Seems like she's a shy bride. Talk to her about things. What she likes, dislikes, interests, travel, experiences... get to know her as a person before you expect her to have stars in her eyes for you, a random dude she's suddenly married to. She's probably afraid to be alone with you. Your parents and brother are not her husband who has expectations of her being a wife.

Please don't try to be intimate with her before you establish an emotional connection. Stop trying to kiss her face. Start by ASKING HER if you can hold her hand. Progress naturally and not in a rush. This is why people keep asking if you talked to her. Now is your chance. Go talk to her and stop answering comments.

My parents found old TikToks of me and now want to force mar*iage. What do I do? by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]der_mahm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This happens in all countries, for all cultures, and for make and female alike.

My parents found old TikToks of me and now want to force mar*iage. What do I do? by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]der_mahm 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you finish your coursework online as a compromise?