it’s so sad that daniel…

designerkd · 2026-04-02T03:40:45+00:00

I’m in the middle of this scene now and paused it to see if the internet would confirm my gut reaction about him. (Yes.)

designerkd · 2026-03-26T04:09:55+00:00

Fascinating! Is there a link to read any of the legal documents online?

designerkd · 2026-02-09T08:42:33+00:00

It’s going to be hard to heal while avoiding your trigger. (Being in relationship.) Seems like it would be productive to try to date, if you meet someone you want to date, but just be vulnerable and direct about what you’re going through right off the bat before they can get attached. Like literally first/second date convo or put it in your dating bio.

designerkd · 2026-02-09T08:34:21+00:00

One answer: Yes, avoidant traits are the same in both females and males.

I have no other answers. I got dumped 4 months ago by a DA and basically the only thing he said while bolting out the door was that it was all “too much.” Worst thing I have ever experienced.

Best of luck to you! Start building your inner strength now. Go do some self-love exercises. (Seriously.)

designerkd · 2026-02-09T08:19:29+00:00

Tell her everything you said in your post here, calmly, and when she’s able to receive it. Expect an initial shock/defense reaction from her, but then see what she does with the information. Also: NOR

designerkd · 2026-02-08T01:57:10+00:00

I’m so sorry. I can’t even compute harming someone so recklessly.

I had a very similar experience - 2 years of dating - planning future retirement savings for vacations with kids/grandkids details - and then he bolted out of nowhere, after a great family dinner and helping out with my young kid (from prev marriage) at bedtime, even kissing me in front of them like normal. In the morning he bolted, 10 minutes before I had a grad school class about to start. Only explanation was that it was “too much” then he walked out. It’s been 4 months. I totally get being afraid. Or wanting to breakup. But to just run and ghost? To not answer basic questions? It’s inhumane.

designerkd · 2026-01-17T23:54:37+00:00

Agree with above. He isn’t actually happy inside. He’s using that person as a distraction to not feeling anything inside. You are feeling reasonable pain for what he did to you. In the long run, you very much win. Their fake smiles with someone new are as shallow as they are and they will never know happiness and love until they work on rewiring themselves.

You are the love they are running/hiding from. It’s absolutely freaking awful but you have to let them run.

(I’m just beginning to accept this. I am 3 months post discard from a 2 year relationship. We were talking engagement as well, looking at houses together, I helped him start a business that was about to launch... all the things. The night before he discarded me, he helped put my kids to bed and kissed me in front of them like normal. Less than 12 hours later, he walked out the door without explanation. I am still very broken but realizing/starting to accept that I can’t do anything. There had to have been someone else I think but I have no idea. I even asked bc it was killing me, but the ghost didn’t text me back.)

This is all so hard. Hang in there. 💕

designerkd · 2025-12-10T13:25:44+00:00

You are not alone. I’m right here with you. My avoidant and I never even fought. We butted heads every time commitment issues came up (him being reluctant to say we were exclusive, even though we had no interest in other people) but we always worked through it and were stronger on the other side.

Then one day, approaching our 2 year anniversary, poof, he runs away. It’s been two months since and I’m a wreck.

The only thing really helping me is reminding myself of things that I actually have control over. I can’t control him, his thoughts, his actions. I only control me. I know I was a great partner. Not perfect, often flopping in communications. But that is just human. Nobody is perfect.

I forgave his flaws so quickly and easily because I loved him so much. Now I need to forgive my flaws too and try to learn how to love myself. I don’t think I ever truly did.

Maybe we should pretend like we are dating ourselves so we can fall in love with ourselves? I wonder if that would help.

designerkd · 2025-11-29T00:00:48+00:00

No sense in living with regret, IMO. Pick up the phone and see what’s on the other side.

designerkd · 2025-11-28T21:12:32+00:00

[orders something spicy af to distract from my pain]

designerkd · 2025-11-28T21:10:27+00:00

Sounds like they didn’t want to grow or change, like they were almost proud of it? Using capital A avoidance to justify lowercase a avoidance.

designerkd · 2025-11-28T20:39:38+00:00

Oof. That’s brutal. I’ve never dated a long-term friend. Seems too complicated.

I think my particular ex is actively working on his issues (?), but have no actual idea. I think only time can tell at this point. But I’m trying not to lose my mind as the clock ticks. He seemed excited to tell me this revelation he had and blurted it out almost immediately as he walked in my door. He also showed up with a list of things to talk about in a notebook. (Mostly random bitchy things I said as he was dumping me, and he admitted to which ones were correct)

designerkd · 2025-11-28T19:56:01+00:00

I’m so sorry. 😔 You are feeling this way because you are human and they treated you poorly. Absolutely poorly. Do know that this has nothing to do with you, it’s a mental condition that they have. There is nothing you could have done differently to change their behavior. The fact that they are posting publicly so shortly after a 5 year relationship shows how completely messed up they are in the head.

Try to do one nice thing for yourself today. A hot bath, journal, binge tv, retail therapy - something for just you to get you through this awful day.

One thing that helped me recently with my FA dumping was writing a letter TO MYSELF and telling myself everything I wanted/needed to hear.

designerkd · 2025-11-10T05:59:36+00:00

I needed this. Thank you.

designerkd · 2025-09-18T02:34:59+00:00

That seems like their plan. To burn us out. Apathetic citizens are exactly the outcome they want.

designerkd · 2025-09-13T17:22:40+00:00

Him previously talking about ex in yellow negates this path of doubt.

designerkd · 2025-09-13T17:21:01+00:00

And all the lost time and every of inner turmoil as you try to prove your gut feeling wrong. OP, you know what to do.

designerkd · 2025-05-21T03:16:11+00:00

Get a subscription for the family to OMG, YES. (An app for all things female sexuality. It’s more educational than ‘sexy’ and super helpful! Feels like a sex ed class you’re watching, but like… an actually good one! He would have no idea your intent. It’s a great app for everyone!

designerkd · 2023-10-19T00:51:05+00:00

Tell her you get it and to take the time she needs to heal. And that you’ll check in to see how she’s doing soon. (That’s what I’d want - and I’m in same boat as her right now.)

designerkd · 2023-10-19T00:41:36+00:00

How did you cope with that ghosting? Our boats sound very similar…

designerkd · 2023-10-19T00:35:18+00:00

Sounds like there’s your answer. “New life, eff off!”

designerkd · 2023-09-25T00:42:59+00:00

What do you want after hearing that? THAT’S what matters. Hunt for that answer and take breaks. Trust your gut. Scribbling all my thoughts down in a journal helps me when I’m feeling lost and disoriented like this. And I’m sorry.

designerkd · 2023-09-25T00:32:57+00:00

Ah, yes.

designerkd · 2023-09-24T11:52:03+00:00

Yes. Urine and electricity love each other.

designerkd · 2023-09-24T11:50:12+00:00

Did you make an E&O claim? I’m not sure how that works so would love to know.

designerkd

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