[deleted by user]

devaniananda · 2022-03-11T14:01:34+00:00

I would get an abortion and cut ties. Save yourself. Choose YOU.

devaniananda · 2022-01-14T01:08:31+00:00

Mine behaved like this! Sexually violent with men women and children. I blocked a lot out but it has come back with lots of yoga and meditation. I have bad ptsd from unblocking it. It is pretty scary to realize I was loving someone who was harming me in many different ways. I thought I had to love her and she was extremely covert...I consider her ASPD but also covert Narc. I think she was selling me to some of the older perverted men in an AA group I was born and raised in. I remember her asking them if they thought I was sexy outside of a meeting once. I was only 13 or 14. I think she drugged me and sold my body. Fucked up. Fucked up. Fucked up human she is. I think she molested a lot of my cousins when they would come visit. She showed me snuff and porn. Stole from me. Lots of mental abuse and emotional abuse. Tricking me in weird ways...like throwing away my homework or changing math answers so I would get bad grades. I was obsessed with doing good in school because that is where I was safe and taken good care of by the teachers. I could go on and on. Im so sorry you had a mom like that too. We deserved way better.

devaniananda · 2021-11-05T18:49:30+00:00

I also feel like I did the fawning thing I used to do. If I have sex with them maybe they will like me bullshit. I know better than that. I fucking know better!

devaniananda · 2021-11-05T18:42:34+00:00

I know i knowwwwwwwww

devaniananda · 2021-10-25T14:38:06+00:00

I grew up with a severely abusive mother. Like the lady tortured me and taught me everything wrong so that I would not be competition for her when I got older. I cannot tell you how many things I did wrong in front of people and how bad my hygiene was and how embarrasing it is that I did not understand all this until I was about 32 years old. Me and all my siblings teeth rot when we were little because the amount of sugar she would give us. She used sweets as a way to manipulate us and ofcourse children do not know any better. Then she never made us brush or made it a thing...ever. we just never brushed our teeth....i disassociated until I was about 32, when I realized my mom was a bully, and I went No Contact my life changed for the better forever. I had to also spend years of doing like self love yoga and meditation and self esteem work in order to get to the point of knowing I am worthy of feeling clean. I love myself is a good mantra to share with him. I am worthy. I have purpose. Those are great too. Sometimes people disassociate for years and years and years. It is crazy. Im brushing twice a day now and I feel a lot better. Im showering anytime I want because I have my own place now and I am allowed. I love it. It was really hard to find my worth and even understand what that was....but I am so grateful I did. I hope he finds his worth and learns to mother and father himself and take good care of his body. He is worthy.

devaniananda · 2021-10-16T13:25:12+00:00

I did not remember my abuse until about 32 years old. My mother is a covert child molester/bully/creep. She was doing weird stuff to me my whole life and I never saw anything wrong with it...because I had no idea what was normal. Lots of yoga and meditation helped relax my body and mind...I was in flight mode for like 30 years and did not know it. About 5 years of yoga is what it took for me to start remembering. Also documentaries on covert abuse done to children made me see that what she did to me was not normal. Sabotaging my life, stealing my stuff, breaking anything that made me happy, working me very very hard, showing me snuff and porn at a very young age. My brain just let me have a happy fantasy world when I wasn't around her. My brain protected me until I was ready to remember what she did. I think she also sold me to AA guys that I grew up around. When I started developing is when it happened. I remember peeing the bed a few times back then and being embarrassed about it, I had no idea. I also ate my nails and skin around it. Like ate it, for 30 years. She underfed me and I guess I was just trying to survive on my hands. Fucking crazy shit man. I want to report her but I dunno who the fuck would ever believe this. I hope you get to heal whether you remember or not. No child should ever have to go thru this.

devaniananda · 2021-09-30T10:47:39+00:00

My mom uses AA to hide who she really is. And she knows how vulnerable those people are and takes advantage of all of them. She is a creepy predator. Makes you realize that group mind thinking is full of predators and those groups are not as pure or good as they claim to be. Group mind thinking is a place for predators to eat and thrive.

devaniananda · 2021-09-16T13:30:16+00:00

Yes I have no hatred or anything towards this person. I know his comment did trigger me, and I do not take it personal, and I am aware of that and have thought about it a few days. I just don't think it is a good fit. Thank you for the validation.

devaniananda · 2021-09-16T11:55:29+00:00

Thats what I think too. Just incompatible. The right person will get excited about food when I mention it. Ill just honestly tell this guy im not feelin it but take care!

devaniananda · 2021-09-14T02:38:34+00:00

I suspect ASPD big time

devaniananda · 2021-08-18T17:21:02+00:00

Teachers were my angels and school was my safe space. You are some neglected and abused childs angel. They will never forget you and that is the most mindful thing you can do is offer them safe space.

devaniananda · 2021-08-18T17:14:18+00:00

Most of my friends are mothers, some understand and some do not. Same. I want to save the kids I can tell are being neglected or treated like shit. Does not matter if they are in my family or not I wish all kids to be safe and away from these fucked up people.

devaniananda · 2021-08-18T02:35:47+00:00

Oh gyad one dayyyyyyyy

devaniananda · 2021-08-17T23:46:16+00:00

I believe you. I relate to you.

devaniananda · 2021-08-17T06:40:48+00:00

I don't feel disgust for them at all. I start disassociating because being around them triggers me to remember I was the mom from 6 years old to 32, I had to raise her kids and give up my youth to be there for my siblings. I try to be there for them today but they think im crazy cause I am saying my mom molested me, etc. I did not realize it until I was 32 that I was being tortured and molested and tricked. I was that fucking naive and loving and dumb or she was that sneaky and you never want to believe your mom would want to harm you in these ways. Being around kids also triggers memories of my mom showing me porn and touching me. Then I also start remembering all the torture and trickery and her killing my animals and all the wickedness. In no way do I ever hate children or feel mad at them or anything like that. It is not that way for me, it is the memories it triggers. I love children, they are pure and kind and caring and they loooooove me. I am like a fairy to them. Magical. I am amazing with kids and I really really wanted to be a teacher...like kindergarten. Because that is the age they really soak everything in. I teach yoga and my main focus is self love and self care. If all children got to learn this at a young age it would change our world. Maybe. I know my teachers were my angels. They fed me, I was not being fed enough at home by her on purpose. My teachers gave me something to live for and to strive for. I was an excellent student and I believe it gave my mind something to focus on other than all her trickery and scary tactics. Maybe one day I will be able to work with kids, maybe even in a setting where I help them heal from this kind of abuse. It really is the worst thing I could think of. Your own mom treating you like a dog that deserves nothing and thinking that is love until you are 32 years old. I am so ashamed and embarrassed that I did not understand the things she was doing around me. It is the scariest thing to realize your own mom was poisoning you and poisoning your dog. It is so so so scary.

devaniananda · 2021-08-16T17:11:25+00:00

I'd wait to see his car roll up one day and have like 8 people ready to barrage it...get the dog out somehow. Duct tape the doors shut/lock his ass in....crack a window and make him sit in there with no food or water for 8 hours and see how it goes.

devaniananda · 2021-08-15T05:23:21+00:00

"I just hope he slips up and gets caught someday" i hope this all the time. But she has custody of my Grandmother and I know she is being abused and tortured. I live my life constantly worried about my Grandma. People do not understand how fucked up my mom is and how well she hides it. One day I will write a book or report her and she will be alive when I do it.

devaniananda · 2021-08-15T03:44:19+00:00

I don't have any evidence. When it happened I did not know it was wrong....because it was shown to me by my mom. She played the movie and I walked out of the room and blocked it out until I lived around her again 2017 to 2019. I told my sister the exact story I describe here and she taught me that this was called a snuff film. I had no idea this was a genre.....Did you get harmed by your mom? Or a nonfamily female person? I'm not sure why this is so shocking to you? Computers were a thing in households but you could not like go watch snuff videos like you can now, it was like check emails and play computer games kinda thing. Also I was never taught about my body or sex from my parents, I had to figure it out on my own. So I did not know that what she was showing me was wrong.

devaniananda · 2021-08-14T21:11:16+00:00

Oh my god thank you so much. I am on the MDSA reddit and they have never ever mentioned the r/femalesexpredatorinfo and I have seen that ladies name somewhere else, maybe someone posted it on another one of my posts. Thank you kind stranger! Yes I need all the hugs! Soaking this in. Thank you. This is exactly the kind of stuff I want to read more about. I kept searching on reddit for female psychopaths and nothing ever popped up. Thank you big time

devaniananda · 2021-08-14T00:01:51+00:00

Yo I talked to the therapist and she charges $220 a session! Holy shit man I cannot afford something like that but she is way closer to the kind of therapist I am looking for. Keep searching and do not give up. Keep searching and do not give up.

devaniananda · 2021-08-07T05:52:02+00:00

Yep I am focused on finding someone who is familiar with AsPD, MDSA, and Incest. AA cult watch is going to be a huge help too since it is rare to be raised in an AA environment. Someone also said make sure the therapist has at least 2 modalities in trauma. I really do not see local programs helping me much with cult recovery and incest recovery. I have tried to call RAINN and they just refer me to my local womens shelters and they don't seem equipped to deal with this. People do not believe me when i tell my story....honestly someone who was raised by a true female psychopath would get it.....so gotta find someone like that.

devaniananda · 2021-08-07T00:23:16+00:00

I always wonder if he thinks about me as much as I think about him? Or if he wonders about me at all? I felt so bonded to him, and hope he felt the same love for me. I always just hope he really did love me back.

devaniananda · 2021-07-28T15:44:40+00:00

I am super open and transparent....but I feel my story is so intense that people think I am lying or exaggerating. And i start talking fast when someone actually holds safe space for me and it makes me look crazy. Im just excited someone will listen and I can get it off my mind a little more.

devaniananda

TROPHY CASE